Post # 17
Thanks everyone for your input! It’s a relief to hear I’m not the only one contemplating this. This decision is actually the thing causing the most stress during this whole wedding planning process!
Of course, now I don’t know if I should have two middle names or two last names. I do often hear that having two last names causes problems whenever legal/paper is involved, so I’m not sure.
Post # 18
Not yet anyways! I am well known for my last name so I definitely wanted to keep it for professional reasons as well. I still answer the phone at work by my maiden name, my work email has stayed the same (with maiden name), the only thing that has changed is that I have my full new name on my email signature. I think it’s pretty common for professional women to keep their maiden names, especially if they are well established in their career with that name. In my personal life, everyone now assumes I changed my name because I use it everywhere and am addressed with it. I do plan to give DH’s name to my kids as well.
Post # 19
I did exactly that. I would have taken his name, but my first and his last sound similar and it doesn’t sound good. So I kept my maiden name in there without a hyphen. My middle name is also still there, so I’m MyFirst MyMiddle MyLast HisLast.
On official papers, I use MyFirst MyLast HisLast, and socially I just use MyFirst HisLast even though it sounds weird. I’m getting used to it and it is much shorter/easier to use than my last which people always mess up.
I never ever use my middle name but had to keep it in there because of technicalities that I won’t bore you with.
I never had any issues with having both names as last names. I like that I still officially have my birth family name, but that I also took on my chosen family name. 🙂
Post # 20
I wanted to do that, but social security office said there weren’t enough characters in their online system to fit all my names (my middle name is hyphenated, both my grandmothers’ names, so quite long)! 🙁
Post # 21
@leahthehun: I did that with my first marriage (and wish I had this time around already as I feel like I really just threw away a part of myself by giving up my maiden name). I think I just used/signed his last name, but legally I had both last names for official documents and so on.
Post # 22
This is what I am planning on doing! I got married in November and haven’t done anything official yet. I am so happy to hear others are doing the same thing. Like many here, I didn’t want to give up any of the name I have grown up with, hate hypenation, and still wanted to add the name that my husband and children will have as their last name. I hope it all works! Has anyone done it successfully officially?
Post # 23
I was going to do two last names and was heavily encouraged not to because it causes a ton of logistical problems (am I filed under P or Y?). If both names are short, like Smith Jones, it can be okay, but if they are longer, you will run out of space on many forms and email addresses. My two coworkers that did this ended up rechanging their names because of the problems.Two middles can be fine, but what is the use to have it legally?
What we ended up doing was First MyLast HisLast. At work I go by my maiden email and introduce myself by my maiden name. The only people who know I changed my name is my boss and HR rep– my paperwork is in my married name.
My credit cards and license use all three names and my signature has all three names. It has worked really well.
Post # 24
@leahthehun: my sister did this and every institution hyphenates her last names. It gets on her nerves because she wants her new name to appear as she thinks it should, but she runs into a lot of problems.
I’m a huge supporter of women keeping their maiden names, but do remember that adopting a non-traditional form (ie. non-hyphenated), you may run into some trouble with forms and institutions. People will also likely call you by the latter name, rather than both names. She is more often called Mrs. Jones than Mrs. Smith Jones, unfortunately.
Post # 25
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
yup, successful so far with two middle names (one of which was my maiden). The only problem has been that one of my credit cards mistakenly hypenated my name on the card, but it’s not a big deal and I just haven’t bothered to fix it yet.
Post # 26
It’s interesting reading everyone’s responses to this. I personally come from a culture in which hyphenating names when getting married is extremely common, as is both partners simply keeping their names. However, in the case of me and my Fiance, the hyphenated name would be somewhat long and unwieldy so I’d prefer to have two last names, no hyphen. I would prefer to not have my maiden name as a second middle, so two last names are pretty much the best choice. A lot of people are saying that there are some issues with that, because of computer systems and because of people misunderstanding the name and using it wrong and so on, and are using that as a reason NOT to do it – but aren’t all those problems simply because it’s still a bit unusual? I’m sure my country had problems with hyphenated last names at first (because some of them are HUGELY long, such as something like Sillanpää-Mäkinen), but I don’t think those problems would ever have been fixed had people not simply done what they wished to do regardless of the inconvenience it caused them. How are we going to make hyphenated or non-hyphenated double last names more viable, except by taking them and forcing doctor’s offices and computer systems to acknowledge that it’s a thing?
I don’t mean to criticize anyone who chose not to do this, or who decided to change their name because of all the issues it was causing. Of course I understand that it can be a huge pain in your daily life, always having to deal with something most people don’t have to even think about… No-one should be forced to deal with that, and I get it. No hard feelings there. But I also think that the only way to make a change there is to simply go for it. So, I don’t think people should shy away from what they want to do, simply because it makes life a bit more difficult. If you really want to do it, don’t let a handful of issues stop you!
New things are always going to cause some chafing at first. If we have these battles now, maybe our children and their children can truly choose to do anything they want with their last names. Some generation will have to deal with it. It may as well be us, right?
Post # 27
@leahthehun: Havn’t changed mine officially yet (call me lazy…or just unsure..such a big change). Took awhile to decide if I would change my name but I decided to just add on my Hubby’s last name to mine. I am in a special situation since my Dh last name is already hyphinated and I have 2 given middle names. So my name will be more like:
Jane Catherine Elizabeth Smith Anderson-Jones
His name is not as long as Anderson-Jones…it’s 6 letters, 3 – 3. But my last name is 8…so it’s a royal mouth full.
Post # 28
Oh my goodness that is quite the mouthful! At least you don’t have to say your middle name too often (at least I don’t…I never say unless someone explicitly asks me what it is). It is a really big decision and I’m still not sure what I want to do!
Post # 29
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
@leahthehun: I did the exact same thing, except now I have two middle names.
So I’m Christine MiddleName MaidenName DH’sLasName. I think it’s too confusing to have two last names, and I’m not even sure it’s allowed without a hyphen. The Social Security office let me have my two middle names though with no hassle. 🙂
Post # 30
You should be fine as long as both last names would be easily recognizable as last names. My maiden name, however, is much more common as a first name than a last name, which I suspected would cause problems, so I chose to hyphenate to avoid people assuming that the maiden name was a first or middle name.
Even with it hyphenated, I still had one receptionist address me wrong. Mrs. Taylor-Marcum? Hi Taylor, I just need your insurance card…
Post # 31
Thank you so much, everyone, for posting this! I still need to go have my name officially changed and have been feeling a bit strange about it. I have been thinking I wanted to change my name to First Middle Maiden Last, and seeing that so many of you have done it makes me feel a lot better about it!!!