(Closed) Name Change Regret

posted 6 years ago in Names
  • poll: Should I change back to my maiden name?
    No - you already changed it to your married name, just stick with it : (53 votes)
    46 %
    Yes - it's your name, do what you want : (58 votes)
    51 %
    Other : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Have you asked him to try to imagine how he’d feel if he had to give up his own last name? That might help him understand more.

    Post # 5
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    One option might be to go with Maiden last name Married last name – no hypen.  It would be on your degree, teaching licence, social security and passport with the rest of the stuff with just married last name.  Just a thought   =-)  I hope you find a solution that works for you.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you got married last Sept, it’s only been a few months.  I figure for me personally, it’ll take a bit longer than that to get used to a new last name (after 30 years with my current last name!)  I kinda think you should give it more time, but it’s up to you if you want to go through changing things back.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    5784 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I remember feeling some serious regret around 6 months. I realized I now knew people who never knew my maiden name which totally weirded me out. I’d try to give it more time just because its a pain to change it back. Would you be happy just switching back to your maiden socially and seeing if that helps?

    Post # 8
    Member
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    What about hyphenating but going by your maiden name professionally (or really, whenhever, however you wanted)? It keeps your identity but also joins with your husbands.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2263 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I encourage you to do whatever you want. I remember reading an article about a woman (maybe on offbeatbride) who changed her name back to maiden after taking her hubby’s… and she did not regret that decision years after the fact. She wrote it was the best thing she chose to do early in the marriage. 

    Don’t feel badly about it! Honestly, if I ever did change my name I’d probably be in the same boat as you are now. It’s a part of you and if you do not feel comfortable in losing that, you don’t have to. Throw tradition out the window and do what makes you happy, when you have kids then talk about it.. or even bring up taking on a new name as a family?… do what is best for you, whatever that is. Name-changing is so personal I’m always slightly offended when strangers and people I barely know give me their 2 ‘pence about the idea of keeping my own. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2494 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Just from the professional side… as a teacher I can tell you that I work with MANY colleagues (some of whom have been married 15+ years) who still go by their maiden name at school and married name outside of school. As well, I know many colleagues who have gotten married and just never bothered to change it with the school board, so are Mrs. maiden name at school and Mrs. Darling Husband name in the real world.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If it’s still bothering you, I’d say change it to what makes you feel like you 🙂 I was told at the clerk’s office that of you go First Maiden Married, both count as your legal name and you could sign or go by either. That might be a nice compromise so that you can go by your old name at school/personally, but your hubby can still call you Mrs. Married (if that’s cool with you, of course).

    I personally hyphenated so that both of my names ‘must’ be used, at least in the legal profession, but I won’t correct family/friends that just call me one or the other.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6825 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @MadameTussaud:  I have to agree with tiffybear here. You haven’t been married that long and you have had your maiden last name your whole life.  It takes time. 

    I am 38, and got married last year.  So I had my maiden last name for over 37 years, and I still have to stop and think sometimes what my last name is.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4676 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’m going for my teaching degree as well, and planning on hyphanating (mostly because it is important to my FI) When i am teaching I am planning using one name (either maiden or married, haven’t decided yet!).  I like the idea of taking oth names and using works.   

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    11343 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I believe you should do whatever you and your husband decide is best for you and your family, because this really is a very personal issue. 

    However, that being said, I personally am a very, very strong advocate of the “First, Maiden-as-new-middle, Hislast” name-change solution. I don’t know if you would ever consider making this change — or even if you could simply go to the SSA and DMV and make a change like this now — but, perhaps you can.

    The reasons that I like this method of name changing are MANY:

    * It allows you to keep — and use, anytime you want to — your maiden name as part of your new name.

    * It allows you to keep the same last name as your husband and children.

    * It gives you the most options of all of the name change choices, because you can correctly and properly go by Mrs. John Doe, Mrs. Doe, Ms. Jane Smith Doe, Ms. Doe, Jane Smith Doe, and Jane Doe. (In contrast, women who do not change their names, or who hyphenate their names, cannot technically be called “Mrs.” Not that there is anything at all wrong with their decisions to not change their names, but some women do still want to be called Mrs. even though they don’t want to take their husbands’ last names, and there just is no “proper” way for them to use the Mrs. honorific if they do not take their husbands’ last names.)

    * Even though few women I know  chose to do this, it actually is the formal, traditional way women in the U.S. have changed their names.

    I chose to do this, and I have absolutely LOVED, LOVED, LOVED my decision!

    I hope you’re able to easily make whatever change, if any, that you decide to make.

    Post # 15
    Member
    131 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    It doesn’t sound like you were very into the idea of changing it in the first place, so I would change it back.

     

    Post # 16
    Hostess
    23620 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It took me 6 months after we got married to finally change my name, and even then it was horribly difficult for me. I’ve only officially changed my name on Social Security and my drivers license, so for everything else I’m still under my maiden name. I used my maiden name as my middle name and married for last, though, so it seems to work okay…

    The topic ‘Name Change Regret’ is closed to new replies.

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