(Closed) Name change regret

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Unfortunately, I think even if you didn’t change your name that you would receive mail as Mrs. HisLastname.

Post # 4
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It can be confusing sometimes… a maiden name is sometimes used as a middle name and it is sometimes used as part of the last name.  Unfortunately I think that many people may make the mistake of just using your husband’s last name (even if you hadn’t changed your name).

Post # 5
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Don’t change your name. If you cringe at the thought of being addressed as Mrs. HisLast, the problem will be even worse if that’s actually your name! At least you can correct people and most people (except telelmarketers, but that’s a good tip off) will eventually catch on. 

You might eventually get used to it, but why not just keep your name? It seems like that’s what you want to do. 

Post # 6
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

definitely not a win-win situation. as far as work, i think that’s where you’ll find the most satisfaction.

my boss goes by her first, her maiden, her hubby’s last name… and EVERYONE refers to her as it… i’m not sure how long it took after the initial name change, but in a professional setting, i think ppl are more inclined to address you by your name.

maybe if you change your name at work, you can feel a lil more inclined that your maiden name hasn’t disappeared out of your life.

in the cases of mailings, etc. i agree with missasb, that due to societal generalizations, you would probably get referred to as mrs. hislastname regardless of what you chose to do with your maiden name…

Post # 8
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This is a side note, but I saw that you are located in Ohio.  In terms of actually changing your name, was it difficult to keep your maiden name and add his last name?

Post # 10
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Guitargirl – thanks!  I’m still trying to decide what I’m doing.  I wasn’t even sure if it was a possibility to have 4 names in Ohio, so thanks for the info!

Post # 11
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh wow, not to threadjack- but I was intending to do the 4 name thing too (double last name with no hyphen). Have other people been told that’s not possible?  Geez, as if this decision wasn’t hard enough for us, now the gov. is limiting our options?

@guitargirl- I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.  I’m struggling with the same thing as well.  I want us to have the same name, I don’t really care about the “maidenname” extended family, but there’s some visceral reaction I get when I think about changing.  I don’t know what the solution is either…

Post # 13
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Thanks Eva, I missed that one!

Post # 14
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling regret about the name change…and that everyone is getting it wrong.

It sounds like you are committed to keeping his last name, because you want your family (and future children) to all have the same name, but that you are looking for advice on how to adjust to the change? If so, read on…

I think that keeping your maiden name at work might actually be working against you, because it is keeping you from fully transitioning to and embracing his last name as “your” name. Work is one of the places where you use your full name the most; when I changed my name at work (socially and legally) it made the name change feel the most real, much more real than having changed it on my email and on my driver’s license. I had to see my new name and say to myself “That’s me!” over and over again for awhile before it really sunk in. I think at work because you are looking at First Maiden and saying to yourself “That’s me” you’re not able to feel the same way about First HisLast, which if not “me” must be “not me.” 

I also have the name set-up of First Middle MyLastasMiddle HisLast, and at work I used First MyLast HisLast for awhile. Without the hyphen I was addressed by all the permutations of my name (Ms. MyLast HisLast, Ms. HisLast, Ms. MyLast-HisLast). Later I transitioned to First HisLast (always my ultimate intention), so that confusion died down. Sometimes it bothers me that many people don’t get it right, but at the same time I don’t worry because in the end, they are all my names.

I focus on what I can control, which is how I sign my own name. Maybe there are some baby steps you can take at work in how you sign your name that would be less of a headache?

 

 

Post # 15
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You can always change it back when if you hate it.  Don’t be unhappy just to make him happy or at some ill conceived excuse for future kids

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