Post # 1
Before the wedding, my husband said he really wanted me to change my name but was open to what form- changing, hyphenating, etc. I am really connected to my maiden name, but feel like a family should have the same name. I had decided to change my name to Myfirst Mymiddle Mymaiden Hislast. Now that we are married, I feel so sad about changing my name. I am also really annoyed at how much trouble it seems like. I am a physician, and changing my name at work will be a huge pain. I am still going by my maiden at work (have to since the license isn’t changed yet), and I feel like I am being fake by having two different names. I also found out that due to insurance issues, it’s a bad idea to change my name with insurance companies until January. I feel like I don’t even have a name, and it’s so frustrating when someone asks me my name and I don’t know what to say. And everytime someone calls me Mrs. Hislast, I cringe and get annoyed. My husband doesn’t get it and says a name doesn’t matter. I don’t know what to do. Please help!
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I can’t help because I’m going to be a reluctant name-changer, but I can sympathize and tell you that you won’t be alone. 🙁
Post # 4
If your name doesn’t matter, why does it matter to him if you change your name or not? If you’re genuinely uncomfortable about it, and it sounds like you are, don’t do it.
Post # 5
Changing my name hasn’t been easy. Mentally or technically. As for the technical stuff, I know that the aggravation I am dealing with now is simpler than what it will be like later. I figure if I do it cleanly and quickly, it will be smoother in the long run.
Emotionally and mentally, I would ask yourself why you are reluctant to change your name. I hate changing mine because it is a huge part of my culture and I come from a really close family. So my husband is making some sacrifices to help preserve my culture and my family values. We got married in my Greek church and are going to raise our children in the church. This is sort of a sacrifice for him since he is a devout Irish Catholic. But through his Irish name and my church, we will both be able to maintain our personal family histories in our new family. It is never easy trying to force two family histories into one, so some stuff is going to get lost along the way. Just think of all the new stuff that will come!
Post # 6
If a name doesn’t matter, ask him to change his name to yours! Somehow that’s different, right? 🙂
This was a big issue for me too (also in medicine). He wanted the family to have the same name and wasn’t willing to lose his name; I didn’t really mind about the family but didn’t want to lose my name. We came up with the following:
We will both add each others’ names (no hyphen), but in the same order. So we will BOTH be either:
Mr. & Mrs. Mylast Hislast, OR Mr. & Mrs. Hislast Mylast.
Our children will be given both names plus a middle name, for four total (phew). They can do what they like from there.
Neither of us will change our names at work, only legally and at home. I like the idea of having two different names — my work me and my home me. But who knows what it will really feel like?
Regardless, I totally sympathize and good luck!!!