(Closed) Name Changes in Your Social Circle

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 31
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Most people I know have changed their name, I’m changing my name but I actually went to court to change it because I wanted to take the First Maiden Last route, I use all three names. I had to go to court to officially make my maiden name my middle name. I love it. I didn’t want to hypenate. It was only 65 bucks and my name is exactly what I want.

I’m in NYC, everyone in my office actually changed their name when they got married, which surprised me because I always assumed that in the city people wouldn’t. 

Post # 32
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee

MarriedToMyWork: That’s interesting, because I have a completely different perspective. Mid-20’s here, grew up in the northeast, went to a private university in a major city in the Northeast (like you said, with women from all over the country). Also, I consider women who go by three names or hyphenate to still have changed their names (just like I would also consider them to have kept their names, but for the OP’s question I am lumping them into the changed their names group).

Off the top of my head, I cannot think of one woman in my age group (early to late 20s) who got married and didn’t change or hypenate her name. Women in their early to mid 20s at marriage tend to be women I went to high school with. And women in their mid to late 20s at marriage tend to be women I knew in college. The vast majority of the women I went to high school with finished their bachelor’s degrees. Most of the women I know through college are going into professional careers and going getting their Master’s, PhD, professional degrees, etc.

The women I know who didn’t change their names were older when married (mid-to-late 30s and 40s) or tend to be in my mother’s generation.

ClaudiaKishi:  Lol I answered your question in the postathon thread, but since my reply seems to have been deleted I figured I’d type it up here too. I also found this, which you might find interesting: http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/05/16/retro-wedding-craze-taking-the-husband-s-name.html

From the link: “The most comprehensive data on the subject is a 35-year retrospective titled “The Bride is Keeping Her Name,” published by the Journal of Social Behaviorin 2009. Looking at roughly 2,400 wedding announcements printed in The New York Times from 1971 through 2005, researchers began to see a decline in women keeping their maiden names, beginning as early as the ’90s. While roughly 23 percent retained their maiden name in that decade, by the 2000s, the number had dropped to just 18 percent. A more recent study, published in 2011 by Names: A Journal of Onomastics, illustrates that it’s the younger generation of brides leading the charge. Women who married between the ages of 35 and 39, the study found, were 6.4 times more likely to keep their maiden names than those who married between the ages of 20 and 24.”

I don’t understand why anyone is being rude to you about your choice. That’s completely uncalled for.

Post # 33
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

ClaudiaKishi:  I’m 29 and will be 30 when I get married next summer. I can’t wait to change my name, not because I don’t like my maiden name. Even though I’ll still be the same person it’s a new chapter and I will be forming my own family with my h2b. I think of us as a team and I’ll have the same surname as my h2b and our future children. 

As for my career it wouldn’t make any difference whether I change my name or not. My friends have pretty much all changed their names after getting married. Each to their own though!

Post # 34
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m 23, born and raised in Florida, went to school in the South, and now living abroad. I think about 80% of my friends and relatives have changed their last names, but of those around 80% also changed their middle to maiden (I’ve been told this is a Southern tradition?). The others didn’t change a thing, and I’m the only person in my immediate or extended circle to hyphenate!

Post # 36
Member
2528 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

All my female friends who have gotten married have changed their name. There was one who I wasn’t going to be too surprised if she kept it (lawyer who works in the same firm as her husband) but she wanted to take her husband’s name. I’m 28 from England.

Post # 37
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

ClaudiaKishi:  You’ll always be Miss/Ms. Kishi. It’s impossible to be Mrs. Kishi even if you wanted to – you can only be Mrs. Husband.

Post # 38
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I live in Wyoming and our friends are mostly liberal, well educated (bachelors or masters) folks in their early to mid 30s. (Yes they do exist even in bass ackwards wyoming! It’s like being friends with a bunch of unicorns!) I’d say the name change thing is about half and half. That’s bullshit that people are giving you a hard time! What century is this?!

I took my husband’s name but kept my maiden name as a middle name. I felt a little….. pedestrian and housewifey about it, honestly. But I want our eventual family to have the same name, my maiden name has an annoying silent letter, and I hate hyphenation… so it made the most sense. 

Post # 39
Hostess
11050 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

ClaudiaKishi: In my social groups we’ve been around the 30 mark when we’ve got married and we’ve changed our surname to our married name oh and we’re in the UK.

Post # 40
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m 29 and changed my name. I couldn’t wait. Parents hyphenated my last name when I born and it has been the bane of my existence. I often dissuade people from hypenating – either change your last name or keep your maiden name. It’s nothing but problems (my mom is hypenated as well and regrets it). 

In my social circle (women 28-40), I only know of one who didn’t change their name, but she said once they have children she will. I live in Texas, but grew up in Minnesota. I also don’t know anyone under the age of 26 getting married. 

 

Post # 41
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

MissMarple:  This was probably one of those cases where I should have been more specific about being an academic–my social circle is largely women who hold faculty positions in humanities departments, so, in other words, a social circle that is very left, feminist, activist, etc.  (You can be these things and change your name, so don’t anyone jump on me and claim that I’m saying otherwise, because I am not.)

I will say that if I had married in my mid-20s, I would have probably changed my name (I also went by “Miss” back then because I thought it sounded better than “Ms.”).  Only the way the world has treated me as an unmarried woman (my institution is located in a rural community so my unmarried status represents a serious community norm violation) for the last ten years has made me unwilling to participate in the dominant norm of changing my name or to go by “Miss” anymore (I’m old-fashioned in that I refuse to use my academic title socially).

Post # 42
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

ClaudiaKishi:  I live in NYC, I’m 27 and Fiance is 31. We aren’t changing our names. I have one married friend around my age who hyphenated. Other than that our friends aren’t engaged or married. I would guess that in my group most people won’t change their last names, maybe a couple will hyphenate. Most of our friends are professionals late 20s-early 30s in New York or LA so I think that probaby contributes to the less traditional/conservative vibe. 

Post # 43
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

When I was in my 20s, most of my friends changed their names, but now that we are in our 30s, it’s about a 50/50 split. (We are an urban, professional crowd with a lot of doctors, lawyers, aacademics, and creatives.) Though my older friends who change their names have to be understanding that it’ll take awhile for their new names to “stick”– after all, we’ve been calling them another thing for 20+ years!

Post # 44
Member
3286 posts
Sugar bee

ClaudiaKishi:  I did not change, and almost everyone I know has also not changed. I am personally anti- name change.  But if other people want to change, I don’t care.  It doesn’t effect me one way or the other.

I have one friend who did change, but only because he really wanted (but didn’t pressure) her to.  When she told him, he cried, he was so happy, literally bawling his eyes out.

We are all 30 something, professionals, living in a major urban centre, if that means anything.

Post # 45
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

ClaudiaKishi:  I didn’t change my name at all after marriage, and neither did my sis in law, but of my social circle we’re the only two I know that didn’t change or hyphenate. we both got married at 31 or 32.

Before being married, I was Ms or Miss Ohnatto. Now that I’m married, I go by Mrs. Ohnatto, because I can. And since no one has arrested, accosted, or kicked me out of the clubhouse, I say you can do this if you want as well. 

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