(Closed) Name Changes in Your Social Circle

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 46
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I didn’t change my name and am Ms. Stillme. I don’t like Mrs. for myself for a bunch of reasons, but I think if a married woman wants to be Mrs., she should be, whether or not she changed her name. The title experts will tell you it’s not technically correct, and it’s not, but who cares?

Post # 48
Member
628 posts
Busy bee

I’m 28 (though I don’t think age really has anything to do with it…you either believe in the tradition or you don’t) and I always knew I would change my name. It wasn’t even a question for me. I find it strange when women don’t change their name, but it really has nothing to do with me so I never comment on it.

All of my married friends and family members have changed their names too.

Post # 49
Member
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

ClaudiaKishi:  I think all of my friends have changed – I can’t think of any who didn’t or who hyphenated.  There’s one I can think of who may hyphenate (she’s an established lawyer in her early 30s, I can see her hyphenating but I’m certain she’ll take his name in some form)

Post # 51
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

 

ClaudiaKishi: I married in my late 20s. Of my closest friends who are married (also in their late 20s), I took my spouse’s last name, one kept her last name and her husband took hers, and one created a new last name with her husband. I would consider myself less traditional than they are in most decisions we make.

Post # 52
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

I will be 30 when I marry (29 now), and I will not be changing my name. My fiance offered to change his to mine, but I declined. I don’t think anyone should have to change their name. (That being said, I fully support anyone’s right to change their name if they wish–for any reason, not just marriage). 

I’m orginally from the South and all of my friends, except one, have changed their names after getting married. My friends on the West Coast now are either in long term relationships and not married, or have kept their birth names (not a big fan of the phrase “maiden name” since seems to imply a temporary name I was loaned until I was old enough to get married and thus not fully mine at birth like a man’s name). 

Post # 53
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I live in a large-ish city in the Midwest. Most of my friends are doctors, lawyers or PhDs. Most married in their late 20’s/early 30’s. I would say its about a 60/40 or 70/30 split skewing towards those who did not change their names. To be honest, I am always slightly surprised when friends who are established in their professional careers change their names. On the other hand, I grew up in a small town and nearly 100% of of those who stayed in the area changed their names (I am basing this on Facebook). They tended to get married earlier, also.

Post # 54
Member
628 posts
Busy bee

ClaudiaKishi:  I think part of it is because I come from a conservative and traditional culture. Literally everyone I know socially has changed their name. I suppose “norms” have had an impact on my thinking. 

Also, my bias is that I see it as extremely feminist and that’s not how I identify. I see it as completely off-putting for that reason even though I know people may have different reasons behind it. 

I’m not saying I completely disagree with all feminist principles at all, I just wouldn’t “take a stand” over a name. I see it as becoming a family unit rather than a loss of identity or sacrifice. 

What I’ve said above is not popular, which is why I keep it to myself. Besides, it’s none of my business and impacts me in no way at all. I will change my name and that’s all that matters to me. 

Post # 55
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

hi! Late 20s NYC and most of my friends are keeping their name. I am keeping my name professionally and changing socially. 

Post # 57
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m 26 and from New England. I’m from a rural area but I went to college in Boston. I live in Florida now and I’m in a PhD program, so my social groups range from high school dropouts to college professors. I can’t think of a single person that I know who didn’t change their name in some way. I know a professor that hypenates and a couple that made a new name, but everybody else took their husband’s name, at least socially. I plan on taking FI’s name when we get married, even though I will have published under my maiden name already. I’ll be damned if I’d be stuck with my maiden name forever just because I published with it. I actually decided I wanted to get married before I get my PhD so my maiden name won’t be on my diploma. I’ve always wanted to get rid of my name because it is my deadbeat dad’s name and I haven’t spoken to him or his side of the family for years. I always hated being the odd one out having a different last name than everyone in my family. So it is very important to me to change my name and create that family unit.

 

Edited: I forgot! I also know one guy (mid-30s) who took his wife’s last name. I think this was mostly to try to keep people from finding out about his criminal record as easily though. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  SithLady.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  SithLady.
Post # 58
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m 26 and everyone in my social circle has changed their last names.  I am still undecided on whether or not I want to, and most tell me I should. A friend even told me that it would be disrespectful to Fiance if I keep my last name.  I don’t agree with that by any means, and I will most likely hypenate, if anything. 

Post # 59
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

ohnatto:  I like your style. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 60
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

ClaudiaKishi:  I like to think that the fictional Claudia Kishi didn’t change her name. I mean, it wouldn’t be the same if suddenly she became Claudia Macarowski or whatever. ๐Ÿ™‚

I told myself that I wouldn’t make a choice until I had to, as I see arguments in either case, and I do like bf’s name–and I also never had a middle name, so it would be cool to make my current last name a middle. But when I see so many people saying, “WHY WOULDN’T YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME?” or “It’s disrespectful to him” (uh…), or “My imagination cannot handle women doing something other than what is traditional,” or even “feminism is bad,” it makes me REALLY contrary and never want to be in the same club as the people who say those kinds of things. (Of course, most women who do change their names are not like that…but we’re seeing plenty of people on these boards–and in your real life–who are.)

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