(Closed) Name Changes in Your Social Circle

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 61
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

ClaudiaKishi:  Warning, I haven’t read all the posts because I’m tired and heading to bed. But I wanted to jump in with my thoughts! I’m not changing my name and I was the first person, my age, that I know that’s done that. I’ve known several teachers or aquaintences that didn’t change names, but all my friends and family have. But I didn’t want to and my husband didn’t care, so I didn’t change it. Since then, my husband’s brother got married and his wife also kept her name. I have been pleasantly surprised at how little flack I’ve gotten over this decision. Even his family was either fine with it or, at least, kept it to themselves. 

As for kids, we’re not sure. I’m, very seriously, considering flipping a coin. But I think my husband is leaning towards taking my name so we can all have a common family name, since that’s something he would like.

Post # 62
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

ClaudiaKishi:  

I’m in Canada. I know according to stats that 85% of Canadian women opt to take their husbands last names (more than in the 80s or 90s).

The vast majority of women I know opt to take their husband’s name. So I think it’s pretty accurate.

Post # 63
Member
6436 posts
Bee Keeper

ClaudiaKishi:  I’m sorry to hear that someone was so rude to you about your name choice.  There will always be those people you just can’t please.  What a jerk.  don’t take it to heart.  

I got married at 22, and it wasn’t until right before our wedding, the week before that I knew I was dropping my maiden name completely and taking my husband’s name.  I’m on the younger side of people who got married, but many people who are 3-4 years older than me just moved their maiden name into the middle name spot, and took the husband’s name as their last name.  Many of them did not lose the maiden name.  I wanted to take my husband’s name because I realized for me, my last name didn’t make my identity and since I hadn’t established myself with my maiden name I thought didn’t htink it would be an issue at all, and it really hasn’t.  And the other women who kept the maiden name but added the husband’s name in the last name weren’t established either they just wanted to keep their maiden name.

Post # 64
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

Two couples I know picked a brand-new last name for both of them. If it comes to that, I don’t think it’s right for bf and me, as his last name is awesome and worth keeping, but I will say that everyone in our circle has been really supportive of those two couples. It kind of makes me wonder why that actually isn’t the norm at this point, as families tend to want to share names, but there’s no compelling reason in the modern world that it should automatically be the man’s name.

Post # 65
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

I’d say most people I know either didn’t change their names or hyphenated. I changed my name.

I actually got judged for changing my name by a co-worker. People will judge either way!

Post # 67
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yeah, I am an older professional and I’ve def been judged for changing my name. Most women I know didn’t. Changing was the right thing for me, but I have had moments of doubt in the last couple of weeks due to all the judgment. Try not to let it get to you, and I will try yo take my own advice 🙂

Post # 68
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

ClaudiaKishi:  My mother hyphenated then subsequently reverted to her maiden name post divorce. My Future Mother-In-Law changed her name, but then her husband changed his! She CBF changing again so in the end she had a different name to her husband and two children. My Godmother kept hers, she doesn’t even wear a wedding ring and neither does her husband. I really admire their relationship, it’s so strong after so much time. I guess with these examples you can see why I never considered it a ‘given’. If anything watching my mother still received correspondence with her name hyphenated 10+ years after the divorce makes me even less interested in it. Who she is as a person never changed but the beurocracy continues. She recently remarried, I may occasionally tease her by calling her “Mrs Husband’s last name” but she knows I am joking. By contrast my fiancé is occasionally called “Mr My first My last” which is fairly hilarious 

Post # 69
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I’m from a Malaysian chinese background, and we don’t change our names usually. None of my mum, or relatives changed their name, at the most is people would call them Mrs. Lum (if their husband’s last name is Lum. but their own last names remains and never officially changed.)

 

I would be changing it most probably though. Just not sure how the arrangement would be. It’s a bit complicated in my situation.

Post # 70
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

II think the majority of everyone in my circle has changed their name. I’ve been getting questions about what I’m planning to do, and I tell them that I am planning on taking his name, but in additional to my current name. Essentially, hyphenating without a hyphen – but I will use my maiden name more like a middle name. I was kind of wary of what kind of responses I would get since I grew up in a very traditional Christian family (including extended family). But so far, I haven’t gotten any negative comments. In fact, I was having a discussion about it with my aunt who took her husband’s name (now ex), got divorced and never changed her name back. She was mentioning that if she were getting married now, she would choose differently – meaning hyphenating or keeping her name. 

Post # 71
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

Most women in my family kept their last names.  I kept mine for many reasons and would never change it.  I am 28 now, but was married at 18.  I have a professional career and work in a high level business position in tech in a big city, and I noticed that almost all of the women my age in my social circle where I live do change their name. 

In the country where I was born, I would say that keeping your last name is more common, or, since we have two last names (one from each of our parents), women drop their mother’s last name and add their husbands last name first, and their father’s last name second.  My husband is European, and in his culture, the women almost always takes the husband’s last name.  He still grumbles about it from time to time, but completely supported my decision to give our daugher both of our last names without a hyphen, in keeping with my culture.

Post # 72
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

I am from suburban PA. Many of my friends there got married in their 20s and changed their names. When I moved to Los Angeles and San Diego later, I noticed my friends tended to get married in their 30s and did not change their names. I am going another direction & my fiance is taking my last name.

Post # 73
Member
49 posts
Newbee

I’m mid twenties from Aus and assumed it would also be around 50/50 for name changes, and was totally surprised that I don’t know a single person (friends, girls from college etc) who kept their name!

I’ll be keeping mine 🙂 I offered him mine, he said no. I offered that we combine our names (would’ve sounded awesome), he said no.

People are sometimes surprised when I tell them but I’m defintely not one to do something just because of ‘tradition’

Post # 74
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - The Boatshed Restaurant

I’ll be keeping mine. I’m really proud of my family and want to keep their name for that reason, I also personally prefer how my current surname works with my first and middle. I’ve also published a little and will be a doctor, so have started to develop a professional profile and want to continue to build on it.

Fiance is fine with this…initially he wanted me to change it, but then I offered for him to change his, which he said no (emphatically) to, so I guess he understands now how I feel about changing mine! We do plan to give our children his surname…but I’m thinking I’ll fit some family first names in there, just to get my side in there hehe.

Some of the girls who have married my cousins have kept their surname’s for professional reasons and no-one has really said anything about it…so hopefully no one minds! Thinking of it, I know heaps of people who kept their maiden name. I say, do what you like

Post # 75
Member
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

ClaudiaKishi:  Well, I have done it both ways.  When I married my ex-husband, I was in private practice at a law firm and was established under my maiden name.  I didn’t change for professional reason.  We divorced and I have since remarried.  I now work for the government.  I did take my husband’s name because it was very important to him, and he made a huge sacrifice for me (me agreed to move into my home and changed his daughter’s school to my district and my kids’ school).  I felt like if he was willing to do something selfless and loving for me, that I should do the same for him.  I did slide my maiden name to my middle name and I do use both at work, a la Hillary Rhodham Clinton, because it is easier for colleagues at other offices to find me.

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