(Closed) Name Changing Blues

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

=/ Sorry that you’re feeling down about it all, but you’re not alone. I started thinking about it the other day and it’s hard not to get bummed about it. It’s kind of like losing yourself in a way because you don’t have that power or individuality to you anymore, you’re now someone elses and not your own. With my last name I feel free and happy because I’ve had it all my life and I feel comfortable with it. Getting my name changed, in a way feels like it might make me feel closed in and just different. I know it’s not a huge deal for a lot of people, but I’ve been who I am my whole life, it’s definitely going to be different being someone else. I’m happy to get married and take his last name but it’s definitely going to take a lot of getting used to thats for sure.

Post # 4
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yes! I will feel really sad. I waffle back and forth over to change or not to change. I can’t decide! 

Post # 5
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I just got my new social security card and by tomorrow I think my work email and all that jazz will be my married name. It’s weird to me. Someone called me Mrs. Goosie, and I’m like, oh no, that’s his mom’s name! I’m sure I’ll get used to it eventually but it’s weird to kind of lose your identity :

Post # 7
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I was strangely sad about dropping my maiden name, too…I attribute that to reconnecting with my father’s family just a few months ago when he passed away.  Darling Husband was fine with me not changing it, but I decided to proceed with name change for several reasons.  Bonus…I got my middle name back!  (My Social Security card only showed my middle initial for whatever reason, so I was able to add on the full name when I changed my last name.  DPS didn’t want to put it on my driver’s license, but I whipped out my passport which showed my full middle name.  So, I got my way.)

Post # 8
Member
417 posts
Helper bee

I think i am going to have a hard time changing my name as well. Of couse, I am super excited to have the name of my fiance and finally the same last name of my daughter. However,  I feel like my last name represents my dad, who I lost 2 years ago to Stomach Cancer.  So, I think I will be sad too. I have been called by my last name for my whole life I sometimes questiom if people even know my true first name haha. It will take some time to get used to it!

Post # 9
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I thought I would have to decide when we got our marriage license. I was almost in tears! I had my mind all made up and now I’m not sure if I am going to change it. My parents said they thought it was cute I wanted to hyphenate my name and thats when I had decided to just change it to his. Now I’m torn again!

Post # 10
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

It is understanding to feel a sense of loss.  Afterall, we’ve written X X for how many years?!  Being an older bride (I was 39), I decided to go with the hyphenated last name.  I chose to go with this because I’ve established myself professionally in the community and didn’t want to lose referrals because of it.  But, in all honesty, I didn’t want to lose my maiden name completely.  I actually still like hearing my students call me Miss X from time to time!  Wink

Post # 11
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It took awhile for me to get used to my new name. Sometimes, I’ll say carrieknitscake maiden name by mistake or mention it in relation into my family of origin. One of our friends remarked “Oh, that’s your maiden name.” It was the first time that I realized that she’s always know me as Mrs. carrieknitscake, not Maiden Name carrieknitscake. I’m still happy that I changed it. What’s really cool is how laid back my parents were about changing my name. I think it made the transition easier.

Post # 12
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m getting married in 3 weeks, but the name change thing has been weighing on me since we got engaged.  We’re both traditional, so I know I’ll change by name, but I love my name as it is.  My last name isn’t particularly unique, its actually pretty common, but its who I am.  And I have a pretty sweet signature too, haha.  I wanted to just add my maiden name as a second middle name, as my middle name is pretty special, passed down through the family, but I’ve been told you have to pick one?!? that makes me sad. 

Post # 13
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I cant give mine up I just cant and luckly Fi understands so i will be MsPanda (Mylastname)(hislastname)

Post # 14
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m British and my fiance is Pakistani which means he has a Pakistani surname. I don’t feel sad about my name being different but I am pretty sure I will get some looks when Mrs.(name) gets called out and I stand up – like for a hospital appointment or something. Or I might not be believed when I give my name lol. But most of these thoughts are not sad, they’re just amusing.

I have known a couple of people who had unusual surnames who decided to keep them to “preserve” them.

Post # 15
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I always thought I would change my name when I got married but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that I love my maiden name.  It is uncommon and after my generation will probably die out; not to mention I was engaged to a man who has an extremely common last name that I really disliked.  I talked to my Fiance about it and he was adamant about me taking his last name because of “tradition” but after a few months of bickering about it, we both compromised and I’ll probably be hyphenating my name.  I’ll be getting my OD in my maiden name since we won’t be getting married until after I graduate, so hyphenating will take away all the pesky business of trying to change my name on my practicing license but I’ll also share the last name of my future children.

Best of both worlds.  🙂

Post # 16
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

hyphenating is really tough on the American system– can you simply use your birth name as a middle name- e.h. Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Harriet Beacher Stowe– ?  sounds classy and just easier in the long run. 

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