(Closed) Name Changing.. I want to keep my last name

posted 5 years ago in Names
  • poll: Did you keep your last name and how did he feel about it?
    Yes, and he/she was very upset : (4 votes)
    17 %
    Yes, he/she was upset at first, then was fine with it : (2 votes)
    9 %
    Yes, he/she was completely understanding : (17 votes)
    74 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5668 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m keeping my last name. I went through the concepts of bumping my maiden name to my middle, using it as a second middle name, hypenation and a double barrelled last name. None of them were really viable for me. When I talked to FI about it he was 100% fine with me keeping my last name. If he were to tell me he was really upset about my keeping MY name with it I probably would have told him to F-off. He should have no say in what you choose to use as your name.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2381 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think DH was surprised when I first broached the subject just because it is not as common where we live. However he has been 100% accepting and understanding. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I agree. I would not deal with a guy who insisted I change my name. If we were having that argument, I’d insist he change his name, just to prove my point.

    Post # 8
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @RockStar33:  Sorry, that probably came across as really harsh, lol. When I said I wouldn’t deal with it, I don’t mean I’d leave him or anything crazy, just that he can’t make me change my name if I don’t want to. I struggled with it because part of me wants to follow that tradition, but I’m actually Chinese and Chinese women don’t typically change their names when they get married. My name is a big part of my identity and I see no reason why I should give it up. Have you asked him why he wants you to change your name? I hope the reason is a good one for him to be making such a fuss.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5668 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @RockStar33:  His family really won’t care, but my family did for some reason. They thought I should take his name. They’re over it at this point.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I also insisted that a fair comprimise would be that we both change our last name, and my Fi got pretty upset and was vehemently opposed to it. The next day when we cooled down I told him the way you feel about you changing your last name is the same why I feel, being a women doesn’t make it easier or different in my view. I like my last name and I have zero intention of changing it. At the end of the day it’s going to have little to no effect on your life and a big effect on mine.

    Since then we agreed to disagree, I hope he drops its completely.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m also not comfortable with taking my FI’s last name. I like my last name – I’ve had it my whole life and it links me to my own family and I don’t think that takes away from how much I love my FI. I do want to somehow unify us, though, so we recently decided that we will probably make his last name my middle name, as I don’t already have a middle name and his last name sounds perfect for a girl’s middle name. When I suggested this, he said it would be less hassle to just keep my last name. Other people have also suggested taking your FI’s last name as your unofficial last name. Call yourselves Mr and Mrs X but keep your own last name on official documents. I hope you manage to come to a happy solution!

    Post # 14
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I honestly think its manipulative to say if you love me you change your name and i be pissed if my Fi even attempt to go down that road. He did the whole it’s disrespectful to me thing, but was unable to bring up one way in which it was rude and disrespectful to him.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1038 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    just ask him how he would feel, if he “had” to chnage his name. :/ sorry you’re going through this. my DH was really upset at 1st but 2 years married and he’s fine about it now.

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