Name confusion…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

My fiance’s family has a tradition of having 2 names– the traditional first name, and a middle name starting with the letter M (for example), which is what he is called. So My Fiancé is “John Matthew Smith” but goes by Matthew Every man in his paternal line has done this….except his father, who somehow developed a third name for no reason at all. So his father is “John Michael Smith” but I have only been introduced to him as Gary. It makes no sense and no one can give me a reason this happened other than just shrugging and saying “college” and leaving it at that. 

Names are funny, man, they really are such a personal thing for EVERYONE– like you said, to call him another name seems strange and foreign, even though it’s not your name and doesn’t appear to have anything to do with you. But it totally DOES have importance to you because that is his identity in your brain. Anyway, I get why it’s weird and I also get why it bothers you (I literally cannot stand when people spell words wrong or use them incorrectly and then say, “okay whatever you knew what I meant.” NO JUST USE THE CORRECT WORD THEN AAAHHHHHH) but I DO agree with PP that it’s his name and you should just let him put it however he wants. It is definitely his decision, and if he wants to switch it up then he can.

Also, my cousin actually legally changed her first name to her middle name because she liked it so much. Instead of just going by that name to friends, she legally switched them. No idea why she went to such great lengths but there it is. ETA: My grandma still called her a mashup of her original first name and her middle name for decades (until she got dementia and couldn’t remember anyone) because she just could not accept that change haha. 

 

Anyway, whatever, I’m rambling. names are weird, it is what is is. Let him have this. 

Post # 47
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My grandmother is Doris Diane and has always gone by Diane. Even her driver’s license/bills/checks/etc. come as D. Diane. Similarly my boss’ name is John Ryan, but goes by Ryan. His official work profile is J. Ryan. Could you do something like this? 

Post # 48
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

phoenix038 :  he’s not asking you to call him Michael in your vows so it’s not fair for your opinion to mean more than his in this situation. And because it’s the ‘correct’ way is a ridiculous reason to dictate how he wants his name written on things to do with the wedding, it’s his name.

Post # 50
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

phoenix038 :  I am also with you on this one. Its just odd. I would ask him if he prefers you to call him by his middle name, hopefully he says no. If he does, I would bring up the whole invite name thing again. 

Post # 51
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

phoenix038 :  it’s ridiculous because he has already told you he would like his name to be formatted in relation to the wedding. He hasn’t asked you to call him by his middle name either for your vows or after the wedding, he just wants his middle name to be written first as most of the people closest to him know him by that name. I don’t understand what else there is to it, it’s his name and he gets to decide this. 

You considering to just go ahead and order everything as ‘john Michael’ when you know that’s not what he wants is rude and selfish.

Post # 53
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with previous bees, it is better to just call him the name he prefers.

Post # 54
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

phoenix038 :  My Darling Husband has 2 first names, and I know him by his second one, as the first is the name of his father and growing up he wanted to be different. However for some reason, in one place he lived for 9 years, they all know him by his first name. He’s never asked me to change it so I can’t really give you any advice, but just want to say that I could never start calling him something else, even knowing it’s his actual name!! 

Post # 55
Member
971 posts
Busy bee

My Fiance didnt like his last name so he had it legally changed. It didn’t bother me even though when we started dating he used the other name. Maybe the wedding is a good opportunity for him to legally change his name to the one he prefers. Then it’ll be “correct”. I think it’s ok that you call him a different name. It’s kind of like a pet name if you’re the only one that uses it, although it is kinda weird he didn’t introduce himself as the name he prefers. 

Post # 56
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Seems like I’m the odd one out, but I agree with you.

His family can call him Michael all they please, but his legal name is John Michael and should be written out in that order :S

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