Name Regret

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
648 posts
Busy bee

Pinkmimosas :  Just to add, does your husband actually know how much you hate the name and that you regret agreeing to it? Did he pressure you to agree to this name? Or is he completely clueless that you’re so upset over it and actually thinks you like it?

Post # 17
Member
3279 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

What PP said. Does he know how much you hate the name?

My husband and I had a veto clause in our naming agreement so that we wouldn’t end up with a name that one of us hated (even if the other one loved it). If you absolutely hate the name, you should speak with your husband about it, but you should also take a little time to see if you can come to terms with it. You did have an agreement.

How about naming the baby the name he loves and the name you love? Could the two of you live with that compromise?

Post # 18
Member
6440 posts
Bee Keeper

I understand the naming pressure. It can be very stressful. And I say that as a Brit where there’s no time pressure really as you have 6 weeks after birth to register. 

By day 4 we had no name for our baby and it was bothering me. None of our previously agreed names suited the baby once he arrived and it’s hard to get a name you and your husband both like. 

So I do understand why it’s stressful. 

So in your case, even though the agreement between you and your husband was that he’d get to chose, I can’t imagine a guy forcing a name if the mother really hates it. So as pp ask, does your husband know how you feel? I’m guessing so if you were crying in the car. If so what does he say about changing it officially?

What’s the name? Maybe we can help you like it. 

Could you stick with the name legally but both agree to call him his nick name or use another of his names for everyday use? 

Post # 19
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you need to take a step back here.  You made an agreement and you followed through on that agreement.  Your husband has had a child, chosen a name, and now has been calling the child that name and telling people the name.  I feel like insisting on changing your child’s name at this point is just going to humiliate your husband.  I understand the desire to pick all the names yourself, but really put yourself in his position.  What if he had suddenly insisted on changing your first child’s name that you had picked, after you had already been using that name?  It is okay that you don’t love the name right now.  Think about all the things that could have gone wrong during labor and delivery, and how blessed you are to have a loving husband and a healthy child.  Think about people who adopt an older child and just take whatever name the child already has.  As you associate this name with your baby, you can love it if you open your heart. Do some craft projects that let you personalize things with the name.  Make up a song to sing the baby with his name.  It is normal to be overly emotional at this time.  You can even be honest with your husband and tell him you are having trouble connecting the name with your baby, and ask him to support you.  There is a chance he will offer to change it, but I personally think that is extreme and will just create resentment in your relationship.

Post # 20
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Pinkmimosas :  My opinion is probably unpopular, but I’m going to say it anyway. I understand you and your husband have an agreement. But, everything needs to be within reason. Him naming your child a name that you despise is outside the realm of the agreement and outsise the realm of being reasonable. Agreement be damned. Talk to your husband and change your sweet baby boy’s name to something that hubby likes but that doesn’t make your skin crawl. Good luck! 

P.S. congrats on your new blessing 

Post # 21
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Without a name, how are we really supposed to chime in here.  I’m following this so I can give you a legit comment WHEN YOU POST A NAME.

Without knowing the name, my mind can turn to some super dark places namewise…

Post # 22
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

This is what I thought about after reading this board! Haha!

 

But seriously, I agree with the other people. Talk to your SO and really get through to him that this is not a name you love and really hate it. Or a nickname.

Post # 23
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

I’m going to step out on a limb here and ask a hard question…Is it possible you are suffering from post-partum depression and are just fixating on the name as a symptom?

I’d highly suggest being evaluated for it. There is no shame in it, but it’s really better to tackle this now rather than later.

You mention in your agreement that with this second child you would choose the middle name. Why can’t you call him by that name? I know plenty of people who go by their middle name.

 

Post # 24
Member
3060 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Okay, making an agreement like this where you give one parent naming power over a child is stupid. You’re reaping the benefits (or sorrows) over that decision. I think you need to live with it at this point, unless the name is truly just awful and will prevent the kid from getting job interviews in the future. I’m also pretty sure a name change is $$$

* I say this as someone who named their baby after my husband because he really wanted to. It’s not my favorite name and not what I would have otherwise picked. So I do feel where you’re coming from. But it’s the baby’s name now. 

Post # 25
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

I am dying to know this baby’s name. 

I think you should change it if it’s bothering you that much. But I personally believe a name has a lot to do with who you grow up to be. It’s something your child will hear every day of his life forever. You seem terribly upset by it and I would like to think your husband would understand that you dispise the name and agree to change it. 

Screw agreements or packs or promises, this is too important. 

Post # 26
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I feel like you’re massively overreacting here. The fact that you even mention being so upset you were ‘those people who left the hospital without a name’, what’s the big deal with that?

I find it hard to believe his name is so awful that you are justified in constantly crying about it and being so embarrassed you refuse to tell people.

Post # 27
Member
6823 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

It’s gotta be Gary.

 

Maybe Keith.

Post # 28
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Daisy_Mae :  My first guess was Chad. Or Cletus

Post # 29
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

Right. We need to know the name. If it’s a completely normal name then you need to get over it and go along with your agreement. If your husband went the way of Frank Zappa then there might be something to discuss here. 

 

Post # 30
Member
264 posts
Helper bee

I need to know this name. If you’re embarrassed to even tell people the name, I’m wondering what this name can be???? Bartholomew? Elvis? Bono?  

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