Narcissist, jealous future MIL…advice? (Long story/share YOUR stories!)

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh good Lord I didn’t read all of this, I got to where she offered to hook you up with her son and realized how long it is.  I’m going to assume she’s awful.  So get married then move at least 6 hours away.

Post # 4
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Then just ignore her.  

My Grandmother ruined people’s lives.  I once told my father if I had been him I wouldn’t have married my mother, no way was I introducing children, or dealing with a Mother-In-Law like that for the rest of my life.  He said he might have thought twice but he knew he was joining the Army and would be moving.

She still affected our lives negatively but not like she ruined everyone else’s who lived nearby.  

So two choices, ignore and deal or move. 

Post # 5
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Well,  I read 98% of it. .

You have done a great  job so far,  so my advice is to continue to be a duck. Ducks have water repellant built into their feathers.  They can nose into the water then still be ready for flight.

Whatever she says or does,  let it be water off a duck’ s back. Let it slide off and leave you fresh for your next path.

Your fiance chose you,  not your mil. He loves you. He chooses you daily. She can say and do what she wants,  but you have a great guy.  And if she takes your sweater,  you can take it back when she’s gone. 

Post # 6
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Girl, I didn’t get to read much of it. But I totally understand… MILs can be CONFUSING and FRUSTRATING. esecailly the smart ones……..

Post # 7
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

I also have a mother in law (soon to be) who has narcissistic traits. And let’s just say, she is not being invited to our wedding. In the last year she has cared more about being right then having a relationship with her son (and future daughter in law), which is incredibly sad. She wants things her way (spending all day Christmas Day at just her house, telling my fiancé to choose between her or me..) or no way. She has called, talks down and is horribly disrespectful to her son and myself, and only wants to be around when it’s convienent for her. She’s manipulative. She is toxic and eventually started coming between my fiancé and I, and he put an end to it. He told her she needed to apologize for the things she said to us and instead she chose to walk out of our lives. And that was a year ago. It’s awful and I hate not having a mother in law, but there comes a point where enough is enough. You can’t ler toxic people interfere with your marriage. Its especially hard when its family. 

Post # 8
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee

You need to go on the DWIL boards. Google it and it will come up. You are better off starting now than waiting till you have kids etc. you and your fiancé need to set boundaries with her, you need to have your own place, and I recommend living an hr away at least. If your fiancé is not capable of seeing how creepy she is being towards him than get the two of you into pre marriage counseling to address your concerns. You are going to have a hard road if your fiancé isn’t willing to take your side over her every time. Good luck. 

Post # 9
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Your fiancé seems really great but prior to planning or even getting married I would lay out all her behaviours in front of him and have you both agree on how to deal with her whenever Mother-In-Law pulls one of her tricks out. You need to be 100% sure that you and Fiance will be on the same page about this. If you don’t present a united front to her in future then she will more than likely be able to cause a rift between you two.

Set boundaries with her and stick to them. Limit contact where possible, etc. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be easier than putting up with her rubbish forever.

As for your wedding, don’t involve her in the planning. Don’t give her details aside from what she needs to know as close to the date of the day itself (time, venue, dress code, etc). And don’t give into her tantrums about not being treated like a goddess during the planning process. She’s going to act like a brat whether or not she’s included, just remember that.

And yeah, head over to DWIL.

Post # 10
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Luckily your wedding isn’t until 2023 so you have plenty of time before you have to start worrying about it/her behavior on the day. It’s a good thing your Fiance is aware of what she’s doing. The rumour about you sleeping with your future Father-In-Law is seriously concerning – have you talked about that with your fiance? 

Post # 11
Member
9454 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I read a bit more than half.. up to the engamengag vs college stuff and yeah I need to get going with my day.

Do not live near this woman. Seriously.  My mil isn’t quite as bad as yours and I still regret living in the same city as her all the time.  It’s a lot harder for someone to insert themselves in your marriage from several states away.  That’s my main advice first and foremost!!

Post # 12
Member
39 posts
Newbee

Oh Bee! My heart goes out to you!! I can relate in so many ways to so many of the things you’ve said about your Future Mother-In-Law. I have prayed A LOT about my situation and the only thing that gets me through is knowing that I can lay my head down at night with a clear conscience and know that I am truly happy with my SO. I can’t say the same for my Future Mother-In-Law and while that makes me sad for her, it also makes me thankful for my own relationship. So I guess in a way, I try to find the silver lining and for me it’s that I am reminded VERY often to be thankful of what I have so I don’t have the opportunity to take anything for granted. Trust me when I say, it is NOT easy or desirable by anymeans, but it makes the time we do spend with her more bearable lol. The thing I’ve come to accept, is that she will (most likely) never change and I sure as heck am not going to let her change me! I’m going to always “kill her with kindess”, which is not always so easy, but is WAY worth it in the end! Good luck to you bee! 

Post # 13
Member
3789 posts
Honey bee

She sounds awful but I highly recommend that you stop participating in any gossip about her. It will come back to bite you in the ass.

Post # 14
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

detach detach detach 

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