Nasty divorce question – can you give me advice?

posted 1 week ago in Legal
Post # 31
195 posts
Blushing bee

While I don’t have specific advice in this situation I have some general divorce advice. 

My biggest regret was being the bigger person and not fighting hard enough. 

So listen to your attorney for sure but do not be afraid to fight for what you deserve. I was way too nice and I got screwed. 

Best of luck, bee 💜

Post # 33
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t have advice with your specific situation, but honestly you should just take the high road. Given what you write about him having online affairs, it’s highly unlikely that it was a one time thing with your marriage and it’s highly unlikely he will be faithful to the next girl either. Truth will come out in time, especially if it’s a small town. Yes you can defend yourself to cheating allegations – but showing visual proof will really not change the minds of those who are going to agree with you anyway.

Post # 34
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Obviously talk to your attorney before doing anything.

I think you definitely should not post any evidence on any social media platforms. Sending screenshots of messages to close friends who ask is okay in my books, especially since it helped me a lot with having people to confide to and to support me when I was going through slander from a friend (on a much less extreme situation). 

I also think you should call the company (using a different phone) to report what he’s doing on his work phone. The company should know what’s going on as it can negatively affect them in many ways. If you don’t, who will? Again, consult your attorney before you do any of this.

Best of luck bee!

Post # 35
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Talk to your attorney! But sign NOTHING!!!!! Stop giving in to his demands. The worst he can do is share naked photos and videos of his ex wife… and you can always send the dog on a road trip out of state. And report his activity from a random phone number to his work.

I took the high road because I moved 3,000 miles away, and in my everyday life the story that was being told in no way affected me. I do wish there were people I had called and talked to. I lost a lot of people, again people I rarely if ever see but it would have been nice to defend myself. Years later it’s to late for that kind of post. I think I would have healed easier if I had stood up for myself.

If I were in your position I would stand up for yourself and would not sign anything saying you can’t talk about what happened. If the dog becomes a thing ship it to a friend and claim it ran away.

You don’t have to have proof or show proof to anyone. I would actually recommend you dont. It just makes you look bad. Just tell your side. 

“The false narrative being spread about the reason for my divorce has been on my mind a lot. For months I have been taking the high road. I was asked to sign a document that I am not allowed to talk about or share evidence regarding the reason for our divorce. There is so much I could say but I still prefer the high road. Just remember there are always two sides to every story and the person crying the loudest might just be the one with the most to hide.”

Post # 36
751 posts
Busy bee


It is the sad truth of life that there is no law in particular to make him stop spreading your deepest, darkest secrets. Many of the things you listed, I too went through them.

The only thing that kept me going was IGNORING THE SH*T out of him. And focusing ALL my energies on moving on. By that I also mean that making sure our finances were sorted out legally. And always keeping my mouth shut and my head held high.

The people that mattered to me did not care for his nonsense, including work. And if he were to get out of hand like that, then those people would have told him to stfu on their own. I have confidence in them.

Post # 39
7458 posts
Busy Beekeeper

futuremrss17 :  if he abuses the dog again call the police right then and there for animal cruelty. Whether he gets charged or not there will be a contemporaneous report of the abuse that should help you get exclusive possession of the animal. 

Post # 41
7458 posts
Busy Beekeeper

futuremrss17 :  wait a HOT SECOND. You are in a contentious divorce, he abuses your dog, and there are $15k worth of firearms in play here? Who has physical possession of them? I’d be on the phone with my attorney yesterday asking for an emergency order to have those weapons seized and held by an escrow agent until this is worked out. 

Post # 43
7458 posts
Busy Beekeeper

futuremrss17 :  it’s at least worth asking. I’m sure it will be heavily dependent on where you live (I live in Massachusetts which has good gun laws) but once he started threatening and abusing an animal I’d be moving to have his weapons taken with our without my lawyer (again, which is an option here, it might not be where you live). I can understand holding off if the divorce is amicable/civil, but it seems like it’s past that point. 

Post # 45
7458 posts
Busy Beekeeper

futuremrss17 :  I would talk to your attorney first and if you don’t trust the local police try the county sheriff. If you can get an order or agreement be prepared to turn over the guns you have as well, but I think where he has threatened and abused your dog and the divorce is getting nasty it’s better if everyone is unarmed until the situation calms down and is resolved. 

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