Post # 1
I have the trashiest, nastiest grandma ever.
I had my bridal shower today and she was there. I was sort of upset when I walked in and saw her there because I knew she would start sh*t. Sure enough..as soon as I sat down she started going on and on about how my wedding didn’t have a flowergirl and how I hate children (which is not the case). I told her ‘no it’s just that the wedding is late at night, and I didn’t want a lot of grumpy children there’. She says ‘no it’s because you think they’re brats and you hate them’. OK fine I just ignored it . She turns to my cousin ‘why am I getting mail for you at my house, you’re not moving back in are you, I hated it when you lived with me, leaving your crap all over my house’ UGH. Cousin just goes ‘you get mail for me because I used to live there, remember’ and gets up and leaves. Grandma turns back to me ‘I don’t know why I even came here, I had to go to the mall and get you a present, that’s the last time in hell I will ever do that again’. Nice. Next, ‘you opening presents yet?’. Um…..shower just started lol. She continues to ask this ever 10 minutes, even after I tell her, my sister planned this, I don’t know the timeline.
Fast forward to opening presents. Grandma sees someone’s gift to me is a tablecloth (which I registered for btw). ‘That’s boring, what an awful gift’. OMG. She sat there critiqing everyoene’s gifts to me as boring and unexciting. Nevermind that her gift was a shirt. Finally I said “well I guess all the stores were out of crotchless panties” and she says ‘Well!’ like she’s shocked or something lol. I swear sometimes her crazyness and nastyness makes me laugh but I was really aggrivated at her today, especially because I think she made a lot of my other guests feel bad or uncomfortable.
I am so horrified about what is going to happen at the wedding. I just can’t even imagine what she might do or say. She’s family but she is seriously just a miserable person to be around.
PS-my favorite part of the afternoon was when we told her we were waiting on her third daughter “Laurie”. Nasty grandma says “Who is that?” we say ‘your third daughter’ and she says ‘I only have two daughters now’. Thanks for emptying all your baggage at the bridal shower.
Post # 3
Sorry to hear about that. I had to deal with some very nasty behavior 2 days before my wedding too, from his close relatives, no less.
I hope you see this as an anomaly, one person who, for whatever reason, was being difficult.
Know that lots more people out there love you and care for you! I hope you still enjoyed your shower!
Post # 4
omg – what a gumpy-bum!!!! seriously, seating her is going to be so much fun for you! try to laugh it off – if this is the worst that can happen then its not too bad – hopefully you can laugh about it later on
Post # 5
Sorry, but I had to laugh at some of what your grandma said! I know that’s not nice, but it seems like you also have a slight sense of humor about her (sometimes).
I’m sure it’s outright embarrassing and exhausting to deal with someone so negative. The bright side is it has nothing to do with you. She’s probably so deep in her own misery that she wouldn’t know how to be kind and thoughtful if she tried … though she could swing it if she tried *really* hard.
Could you ask some family members to rotate Grandma-duty at the wedding to keep her away from unsuspecting guests? This way she always has someone to complain to, but no one person is stuck listening to it all night. I’d defintely bribe someone with something REALLY good to make sure Grandma is kept at bay and everyone else can enjoy the wedding!
Post # 6
Sorry to hear about your shower. I too have a grandfather with his own sense of humor and a big mouth so I understand the frustrations this can cause. But my grandmothers are no longer with us so, as terrible as it may seem, at least you will be able to introduce your husband to your grandmother in person, on your wedding day. I know this is not what you want ot hear but maybe you can find a silver lining in her presence. I also second the suggestion of sitting her with people who know her and won’t take offense easily. Who knows, maybe she’ll get caught up in the moment and have a bit of fun. Good luck!
Post # 7
Ugh how horrible. My grandma says some interesting things, but that is just over-the-top. I was going to suggest what million suggested. Put some one on grandma duty. Make it known that other than a quick hello you do not want her around you during the wedding/reception. Because honestly girlfriend, you know she will upset you and probably make you cry. And tha is the last thing you want on your wedding day. Good luck 🙂
Post # 8
She’s probably pre-dementa and no one has infomred the doctor to do tests.
Ask someone who is NOT family to ‘escort’ her that day. Expect to pay as you can’t ask guests to give up their party time. It isn’t fair to them.
Tell her she’s going to be picked up so she doesn’t have to drive. The person who drives will stay w/her and take her home. That way family has fun, and no one has to worry about grandma saying somethng bad.
Do you have someone who you wanted to invite but can’t because they were too far removed? Invite them as a worker, if you feel OK doing that. They willnot be obligated to give a gift and they will get paid.
Call a local college; or a church/temple and ask if someone out there wants a day job for 1 day. Ask the local council on the aging. They have alot of volunteers. Someone may want to make a buck.
Your cost will be probably 10 hours x $10.00 plus the cost of gas and a meal. Well worth it to have a happy day.
This person can call grandma before hand to set up friendship. There are somethings you can’t DIY, there are some things worth paying for. This is one of them!
You may also have a co worker in the same boat, who wouldn’t noramlly invite you to their wedding. Do a barter. I watch your grandma ifyou watch mine. That way there isn’t a total stranger at the wedding.
But again, I think grandma’s not all there and no one in t he family wants to acknowledge it. Ask one of her children to get her to a doctor.
Post # 9
@Momma: Um, she’s not pre-dementia. She has been this way since I can remember so….since I was like five years old. She’s just a really mean person who has no sense of when to keep her mouth shut. that’s why everone on that side of the family just rolls their eyes and tries to ignore her, but everyone else….I think they were shocked.
Everyone: I did have a really great time at the shower, but I was totally embarassed by her behavior. Thanks for your support!
She sees a doctor all the time because she drank herself into renal failure, so she has to get dialysis.
Yes I am very lucky to have both my grandmothers alive, plus one grandfather. I just wish that once in a while grandma could have a little sense of propriety.
Post # 10
So sorry you’re going thru this situation. She is probably just old and grumpy and maybe like you said, has been this way all along. Imho, these people are usually just wanting to get attention doing this. Maybe in years’ past this worked and she has simply enjoyed getting attention, even if it is negative attention. Sometimes that’s the payoff for those people and why they keep doing it. I’d inform everybody at the next wedding scheduled get together to simply ignore her. Turn her off. When she realizes she may not get a reaction she may stop.
Is there ANYBODY in the family she is close to? If she is, I’d seat her near them. If she does do this again at a family get together or the wedding and persists even after she is placed on the ignore list, I’d have somebody talk to her and tell her she can either be nice or exit the party because it’s not fair to you or the other guests for her to behave in such a manner.
Momma and Noelle: Btw, my grandmother has alzheimer’s and dementia and is very sweet. My grandfather is in stage 4 renal failure and has never drank alcohol in his life. Neither of these conditions make somebody mean or nasty deliberately. And my grandfather is one of the nicest people too in the world. We love them dearly.
Post # 11
I love your “crotchless panties” line! Hysterical. And I bet some of those uncomfortable guests thought it was funny too. I wouldn’t worry about your grandma on the day of the wedding. You obviously know what kind of person she is and she’s going to be like that on your wedding day too. But on that day, the environment will be a lot different than a typically quiet bridal shower. She probably won’t leave her table at the reception and you will only have to worry about where you groom is so you can dance with him!
Good luck with all of that. Vent when you have to, but it sounds like you already know how to handle her just fine.
Post # 12
Ugh, I’m really sorry that she made your other guests uncomfortable. I understand it’s hard enough when it’s just immediate family, but sometimes its hard not to let your family embarrass you! Try and laugh it off, and if you have any friends/family who are easily offended, maybe warn them about her antics prior to the wedding?
I know this may be very uncomfortable, but have you tried telling her that her comments make you uncomfortable and hurt your feelings?
Post # 13
@Bellenga: I was the one who initally posted this. My comment regarding my grandmother’s renal failure was a response to Momma’s comment that she is pre-dementia and should see a doctor. I stated that she is just nasty in general and in regards to seeing a doctor, it is unnecessary because she sees her doctor on a general basis. It was not insinuating that all people with renal failure had it happen because they drank themselves to it. This was specifically directed toward my own grandmother, whom this topic is about.
@Pvaulter; my whole life she has just been a mean and awful person. If you voice any type of feelings about it, she uses those against you. She will then twist your words and gossip about you being ‘whiny’ to everyone else in the family. but it’s not only me she is like this with, it’s everyone.
Post # 14
i’m so sorry you have to deal with this… i too have a mean grandma… i know how much it sucks!!
Post # 15
I think this is the perfect person to seat next to your dear old Deaf uncle. She can complain about everything and he can be in ignorant bliss. I can only say that I’m relieved that my grandmother died 5 years ago or I might have had an equally horrible story.