(Closed) Nasty Grandma-vent

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Sorry to hear about that. I had to deal with some very nasty behavior 2 days before my wedding too, from his close relatives, no less.

I hope you see this as an anomaly, one person who, for whatever reason, was being difficult.

Know that lots more people out there love you and care for you! I hope you still enjoyed your shower!

*big hugs*

Post # 4
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

omg – what a gumpy-bum!!!!  seriously, seating her is going to be so much fun for you!   try to laugh it off – if this is the worst that can happen then its not too bad – hopefully you can laugh about it later on

Post # 5
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Sorry, but I had to laugh at some of what your grandma said! I know that’s not nice, but it seems like you also have a slight sense of humor about her (sometimes).

I’m sure it’s outright embarrassing and exhausting to deal with someone so negative. The bright side is it has nothing to do with you. She’s probably so deep in her own misery that she wouldn’t know how to be kind and thoughtful if she tried … though she could swing it if she tried *really* hard.

Could you ask some family members to rotate Grandma-duty at the wedding to keep her away from unsuspecting guests? This way she always has someone to complain to, but no one person is stuck listening to it all night. I’d defintely bribe someone with something REALLY good to make sure Grandma is kept at bay and everyone else can enjoy the wedding!

Post # 6
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry to hear about your shower. I too have a grandfather with his own sense of humor and a big mouth so I understand the frustrations this can cause. But my grandmothers are no longer with us so, as terrible as it may seem, at least you will be able to introduce your husband to your grandmother in person, on your wedding day. I know this is not what you want ot hear but maybe you can find a silver lining in her presence. I also second the suggestion of sitting her with people who know her and won’t take offense easily. Who knows, maybe she’ll get caught up in the moment and have a bit of fun. Good luck!

Post # 7
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Ugh how horrible. My grandma says some interesting things, but that is just over-the-top. I was going to suggest what million suggested. Put some one on grandma duty. Make it known that other than a quick hello you do not want her around you during the wedding/reception. Because honestly girlfriend, you know she will upset you and probably make you cry. And tha is the last thing you want on your wedding day. Good luck 🙂

Post # 8
374 posts
Helper bee

She’s probably pre-dementa and no one has infomred the doctor to do tests.

Ask someone who is NOT family to ‘escort’ her that day.  Expect to pay as you can’t ask guests to give up their party time.  It isn’t fair to them.  

Tell her she’s going to be picked up so she doesn’t have to drive.  The person who drives will stay w/her and take her home.  That way family has fun, and no one has to worry about grandma saying somethng bad.

Do you have someone who you wanted to invite but can’t because they were too far removed?  Invite them as a worker, if you feel OK doing that.  They willnot be obligated to give a gift and they will get paid.

Call a local college;  or a church/temple and ask if someone out there wants a day job for 1 day.  Ask the local council on the aging.  They  have alot of volunteers. Someone may want to make a buck.

Your cost will be probably 10 hours x $10.00 plus the cost of gas and a meal.  Well worth it to have a happy day.

This person can call grandma before hand to set up friendship.  There are somethings you can’t DIY, there are some things worth paying for.  This is one of them!

You may also have a co worker in the same boat, who wouldn’t noramlly invite you to their wedding.  Do a barter.  I watch your grandma ifyou watch mine.  That way there isn’t a total stranger at the wedding.

But again, I think grandma’s not all there and no one in t he family wants to acknowledge it.  Ask one of her children to get her to a doctor.

Post # 10
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

So sorry you’re going thru this situation.  She is probably just old and grumpy and maybe like you said, has been this way all along.  Imho, these people are usually just wanting to get attention doing this.  Maybe in years’ past this worked and she has simply enjoyed getting attention, even if it is negative attention.  Sometimes that’s the payoff for those people and why they keep doing it.  I’d inform everybody at the next wedding scheduled get together to simply ignore her.  Turn her off.  When she realizes she may not get a reaction she may stop. 

Is there ANYBODY in the family she is close to?  If she is, I’d seat her near them.  If she does do this again at a family get together or the wedding and persists even after she is placed on the ignore list, I’d have somebody talk to her and tell her she can either be nice or exit the party because it’s not fair to you or the other guests for her to behave in such a manner. 

Momma and Noelle:  Btw, my grandmother has alzheimer’s and dementia and is very sweet.  My grandfather is in stage 4 renal failure and has never drank alcohol in his life.  Neither of these conditions make somebody mean or nasty deliberately.  And my grandfather is one of the nicest people too in the world. We love them dearly.

Post # 11
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I love your “crotchless panties” line! Hysterical. And I bet some of those uncomfortable guests thought it was funny too. I wouldn’t worry about your grandma on the day of the wedding. You obviously know what kind of person she is and she’s going to be like that on your wedding day too. But on that day, the environment will be a lot different than a typically quiet bridal shower. She probably won’t leave her table at the reception and you will only have to worry about where you groom is so you can dance with him!

Good luck with all of that. Vent when you have to, but it sounds like you already know how to handle her just fine.

Post # 12
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Ugh, I’m really sorry that she made your other guests uncomfortable.  I understand it’s hard enough when it’s just immediate family, but sometimes its hard not to let your family embarrass you! Try and laugh it off, and if you have any friends/family who are easily offended, maybe warn them about her antics prior to the wedding? 

I know this may be very uncomfortable, but have you tried telling her that her comments make you uncomfortable and hurt your feelings? 

Post # 14
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i’m so sorry you have to deal with this… i too have a mean grandma… i know how much it sucks!!

Post # 15
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Private home

I think this is the perfect person to seat next to your dear old Deaf uncle.  She can complain about everything and he can be in ignorant bliss.  I can only say that I’m relieved that my grandmother died 5 years ago or I might have had an equally horrible story.

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