(Closed) Nasty, hurtful emails from a family member…please help me to respond!

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well my first thought is did she ever conctact you while you were recovering?

Post # 4
Member
5774 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

don’t respond don’t respond don’t respond

Post # 6
Member
6809 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@LGenz:  +1 Op just stop engaging in the email. Let it be

Post # 7
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would think I would say something like

I am sorry you feel that I have not contacted you enough. I was hoping since I am also recovering from my own surgery and have been tired you would have contacted me as well and we could have talked then.  I hope you and X are doing well.

Post # 9
Member
6809 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Loupyloo:  Why do you feel like you need to “win”.  Just let it die down and contact her when it blows over

Post # 10
Member
5774 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Loupyloo:  No answer will be good enough for her so just don’t engage. If she wants to complain about “todays youths” let her b*tch to someone her age who will nod her head in agreement and make her feel better. She is a grown up, she should not be unloading her emotional baggage onto her granddaughter. There is no “winning” with people like this.

Post # 11
Member
7450 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can’t argue with crazy. You already made your point. If she’s an unreasonable person no amout of trying to win this argument is going to work. Let it go.

Trust me I know its hard especially when you didn’t no anything wrong. But I used to go thru this with my sister. When I learned to not engage is when I found peace. If she wants to be “right” let her. 

 

Post # 12
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Since she has a history of creating drama, my advise is to steer clear of the drama.  She’s baiting you with her letter and telling you how awful you are.  Don’t take the bait!  Nothing you will say to her is going to make her have a magical ephiphany.  You need to realize the grandmother you care about also needs some major boundaries in your life.  AND – something to note – as you care for yourself (in creating boundaries) she will likely ramp up the drama towards you – as she’s not getting the response to her drama that she is used to expecting.

My vote is no response.  Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a little passive aggressive.  Telling her she’s crazy and out of line doesn’t matter – that’s like telling someone that believes the sky is red that they are wrong – -but all day long THEY really feel the sky is red.  There is no talking logic with her.

Post # 13
Member
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Do not engage and do not respond back.  People who are attention seeking crave ALL attention, even negative attention.  All you’ll be doing is feeding the monster.  If you don’t respond, she’ll try again.  She’ll keep saying nastier things till she gets a rise out of you.  Why do you think no one else talks to her?  It’s not too late for an old dog to learn new tricks.  She wants contact from you?  Then she’ll have to learn how to at least ACT politely, even if she doesn’t feel it.

Post # 14
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

100% STOP ENGAGING/ entertaining this behavior! Ignore ignore ignore! You cannot get through to irrational people, so just dont respond. You have to think about your health first and foremost so dont stress yourself out sweety. Oh and I’m glad your doing better 🙂

Post # 15
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Loupyloo:  While it may not help family harmony, I think I would be quite tempted to ask that if this isn’t something that would happen in her generation then why has she not contacted YOU after your HEART surgery to ask after your health and recovery? 

Its quite amazing that she has two people in her life who have recently been hopitalized and gone under the knife but her concern is the trauma SHE’s going through. 

Honestly, its probably best just to not respond at all.  Nothing is going to satisfy her other than you groveling .  Dending yourself is just going to give her one more opportunity to lambast you about how SHE’s suffering.

Blech. 

 

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