(Closed) Nasty, hurtful emails from a family member…please help me to respond!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this nasty woman but glad you are on the way to recovery!  From my experience with clueless (yet mean) family members, I would have to agree with PPs that say just ignore her at this point.  You didn’t do anything wrong, so you really don’t have anything to apologize about.  I actually had to deal with a similar situation recently, and after getting over the initial hurt of a blood relative being so cruel to me and accusing me of something I didn’t do, I realized that all I can do is choose to not engage this person.  Good luck and hope you feel better soon!

Post # 19
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would write back exactly how I feel. No more sugar coating. Stand up to her and be honest. And if she still emails you back with criticism, then I would just ignore her. 

Post # 20
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d probably stop interacting with her (like the rest of your cousins have chosen to do). Her drama doesn’t seem worth it.


Post # 21
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Loupyloo:  You know you have to just roll with it.  Any sort of confrontation about her failings as a person are a face-to-face sort of thing, and should never be done over email.

Honestly, anything you do will be attacked and you probably won’t win.  A short response like “noted” will be considered rude.  A longer one detailing why she’s being horrible will be you attacking her in such a awful time for her.

Ironically, in her day they wouldn’t have been emailing so she would be waiting, weeks later, for family to respond to the initial letter she hand wrote to each person.

Post # 22
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Loupyloo:  The best thing to do with crazy people is ignore them.

Post # 23
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@LGenz:  +1 do not apologize for falling short of her expectations. Just ignore her bullying emails


Post # 24
4282 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Don’t respond. Trust me, you’ve “won” this way.

Post # 25
2514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@echolove:  +1

there is no way i would write an email to her in which i apologize for anything. she needs to be called out on her shit even if that means you don’t talk to her anymore afterwards. i understand that she’s your grandma but if she’s so self absorbed that she can’t even email or call her own granddaughter to see how you’re doing after surgery, then i really don’t see the point of her being a part of your life.


Post # 27
126 posts
Blushing bee

Take the high road and don’t respond. You already explained your situation to her. If she is that difficult she may even be trying to “pick a fight” as an emotional outlet. Don’t engage her. I hope you have a smooth recovery!

ETA: Just saw your update. If you spent a lot of time on it already, I would give her the gift. What would be the point in winning an argument or getting back at an 80 y/o grandma?


Post # 28
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


‘Your intentions are clear and your feelings noted. I am sorry you feel I fell short of your expectations.’
^^^I vote for this response. Maybe handwrite it in a nice card with tea cups and kittens on it. Slap a stamp on it then ignore her remarks moving forward.


Post # 29
11266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i wouldn’t respond to the email.  “don’t feed the animals”

i would still give her the gift that you are making.  hopefully she appreciates the gesture.

Post # 30
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Loupyloo:  I’d combine options 1 and 3. Say I’m sorry you feel that way. Then add “I am not entirely sure this is only the manners of the younger generation, however. I have been recovering from the very same surgery, and yet have not once received well wishes from you.”

It sounds like, though I am SURE she will not respond well to that at all – this woman has been allowed to be a wretch for far too long. Someone ought to stand up to her.

Read your update. Maybe that is best. Anyhow, I’d make yourself something nice and perhaps give her a nice card or something instead.


Post # 31
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would totally respond.  I’m all for standing up for myself, although I try to be tactful about it.  Otherwise you just get walked all over.

My response would be:


I’m sorry you feel dissappointed that I have not checked in on NAME more over the past few weeks.  However, I also just went through the same kind of surgery, I am in recovery, and I am hurt that you do not seem to have concern or understanding of my well-being during this time.  Instead you feel it’s right to criticize me for not doing enough for someone else in my same position.  I do not think that’s right.  I do hope NAME is having a speedy and healthy recovery. I also hope that you are focusing your energy on helping him get back to normal, instead of searching for a lack of support you feel others are giving.  Please send NAME my best.



EDIT: If she replies after you send that email, I would NOT reply anymore. 

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