(Closed) Nasty In law problem. advice please? LONG

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

There has to be a reason why she doesn’t like you.  And I don’t think its unreasonable that you want an apology from her since she’s been so disrespectful to you.  I think that maybe you need to sit down adn talk with her, find out why she hates you so much, and if its because she thinks you are taking her brother away, then you shoudl reassure her that that is not the case

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I also am thinking that there has to be some reason why she’s acting out this way towards you. She is being extremely disrespectful towards you, but she is his sister. I would probably sit down and have a chat with her one on one. It doesn’t do any good to argue over MySpace or text messages over the situation, and you really need to get to the root of this problem. Even if you don’t invite her to the wedding, she may show up anyway to make sure her opinion is known, so getting to the bottom of this and trying to make up before the wedding would be the best option at the moment. Otherwise, you might need to be prepared for her to crash the wedding, unfortunately.

Post # 5
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with MrsSl82be. It’s not unreasonable to want an apology and I think sitting down with her is in order.
Meanwhile, where is your Fiance in all this? Has he talked to her? Did she tell him why she doesn’t like you?

Post # 6
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Give up on the apology.  Even IF you get one from her, it will be meaningless because she will be right back to where she is now in six months (trash talking you, etc.).

But you should stand firm about not having her at the wedding.  She can come to the reception as a compromise between you and his family (I’m sure you don’t want her at either the wedding OR the reception).

Don’t apologize to her anymore or have any interaction with her.  She’s never going to tell you what’s wrong.  She enjoys this crazy dramatic behavior too much.  Also, don’t worry about why she got pregnant.  Just don’t get involved with her at all.  Make her a nonperson.  The more you engage her, the more you encourage her in this bizarre behavior. Seriously, just ignore her.  She’s an evil b*tch and nothing you do or say will ever change that. 

Post # 7
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Hm. Blackcherry makes some very, very good points.

Post # 8
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

My advice is to have your Fiance set up a lunch with her.  She’ll think it’s just the two of them.  When she sits down, he should call you on your phone and tell you some code word to come sit with them.  Then he should tell her (while waiting for you) that the meeting is to talk to her about how she will act at the wedding.  Her responses will determine whether HE will be inviting her at all.  When you arrive, say hello and sit down, but let your Fiance do all the talking.  Basically he should lay down conditions to her invitiation.  Namely:

  • An immediate apology to you, right there, in person
  • Asking her what her objection to the marriage is, listening, then saying that she has spoken her peace, you are STILL getting married
  • Telling her that if she objects at the wedding he will have her thrown out by security and KEPT out of the reception by security, AND he will cut her out of his life

If she actually stays to listen, then you will at least know that your Fiance is on your side, and you will know whether she’ll be coming at all.  She may decide just not to come.  Or she may come and object and be thrown out and never speak to her brother again.  Or she may come, not say a damn word at the ceremony and bad mouth you the whole reception.  BUT you will know your Fiance has stood up for you and is not going to choose his sister over you.  (Silly girl, doesn’t she know that’s how marriage works??)

Post # 9
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think blackcherry has the soundest and most realistic advice in this case! Good Luck!

Post # 10
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Whoa, that’s intense!  There has to be a reason she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t have to be rational, but its there.  Has no one gotten down to the bottom of it?  I think your Fiance has to find out what the problem is.  It kinda sounds like some oedipus complex gone haywire.  She might be so jealous that you’re marrying her brother that she’s acting out in irrational ways. 

Now, I get that you don’t like her.  No one can tell you to.  Chances are you never will.  But, this is the family you’re marrying into.  You should invite her to all aspects.  And the family should have a tazer in case she acts up.  Kidding! (but I bet you wouldn’t object to it lol).  I’d be worried too, I’m not saying you should just let it all go.  But in the end, god forbid she does say something, she’ll be the only one standing there looking like a jerk. 

I wish you luck!

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You haven’t really mentioned how Fiance feels about all this. Unfortunately it’s up to him to keep teh peace as it’s his family. She sounds like a piece of trash who isn’t worth your time, so I wouldn’t even let it bother you.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree, she sounds like trash. Don’t invite her if she can’t act like a damn civil adult. And I’d have Fiance mediate….it’s his sister. And if he can’t see why this is inappropriate and why this is hurting you, he needs to take a good long look at himself–brushing it off won’t make it better and at some point he probably NEEDS to get in the middle and handle it.

And seriously, how trashy is she? Getting preggo on purpose just to get married after you? Sounds like a winner…

Post # 13
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You need to call her out on it, and NOT alone. Why is your fiance not taking a stand? That would worry me more than her behavoir.

You need to call her out on it, as calmly as possible. Tell her how she has made you feel, that you have apologized just to make peace because you don’t know what you’ve done, and ask her to please tell you why. Do this in front of your fiance, and his parents if you can. I can’t stress enough how calm you must remain no matter how off the wall she gets.

Honestly, it sounds like jealousy to me.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I absolutely would NOT do this one on one. You need others to witness her behavoir as well as your demeanor. Otherwise, she is sure to run and tell the family how awful YOU were to HER!

Post # 16
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think it is unreasonable to ask for an apology. Especially since she has threatened to ruin your ceremony. You definitely need to have a calm sit down, if possible mediated by an uninvolved 3rd party to find out where all this animosity is coming from. Not including her in any part of the wedding is likely to create an unending feud. 

The topic ‘Nasty In law problem. advice please? LONG’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors