- 11 months ago
My parents lost their home in a hurricane back in August. While they had homeowner’s insurance, they did not have flood insurance, as they were not in an area prone to flooding. Since then, they have lived about a month and a half with me and my husband, a month and a half with my sister, a month in an RV. Then when the weather got cold, they went back to my sister and her husband. We had just moved them back into the RV, and we had gotten to the point in house rebuilding that we started painting.
I got home that night to soak in a hot tub when I got a call that my mom fell climbing into the RV. She broke her shoulder and had to have surgery, so she and my dad are back with us because she can’t navigate the RV. While that’s been trying, as my dad is back and forth between our house and theirs as it’s a crucial time in rebuilding, my husband has made it so much more difficult.
I’m totally aware that this is a lot to ask. We haven’t been married two years, and we’ve had my parents living with us, now, for an additional month. And we’re a few weeks away from being able to move them into their home.
At first, I was caring a lot for my mom because she was in so much pain and couldn’t do much for herself (broke her dominant arm), and my husband was upset at how much work I was doing. Since her surgery, my mom is better but lonely. She’s had friends visit during the day here and there, but she can’t drive, and my dad is gone all day at their house. My husband and I are at work, so when we get home she’s excited. I try to give her a bit of time to talk to her, but now every thing I do for her grates on my husband. It doesn’t help that my mom is super loving, and his mother is not – he feels like it’s superficial even though it isn’t. My mom wants to have a good relationship with him and feels weird being in our home already, so she tries to talk to him.
He hates it. He grates under it, and gets annoyed at everything she does – or doesn’t do. I’ve tried to talk to him and explain that they have nowhere else to go, but his argument is that his parents would never be in this situation because they have money, and my parents don’t. I’m so incredibly disappointed that he has so little empathy, and I’m also afraid that once we’re back to normal I’ll forever resent his attitude.
I try to be the one to do all their laundry and cook, etc. so it isn’t extra work for him, but it doesn’t seem to matter. It hurts me deeply, and I’ve tried so hard to talk to him about it, but he’s just furious all the time, and they can tell.
Yesterday he asked why I was so quiet, but I was just thinking of all I had to do, and I started crying. I’m so tired – not because of my mom, ironically, but from managing him and them and trying to answer why he’s in such a bad mood without my parents thinking less of him. He can be such a wonderful man, and I don’t want this period to ruin their relationship in the future. [Caveat: he was married before, and his wife’s family was intrusive of their relationship. While my family is physically intrusive at the moment, they would never intrude when it comes to our marriage. But I think that experience has made this worse.]
I think I’m depressed. I tear up at the drop of the hat and find myself unable to concentrate at work. I’m just so sad and disappointed and angry. I know this is a really unique situation, but is there something you bees think I can do to make this better for him? For us?