I remember your previous thread about this guy. He is incredibly immature and manipulative, and I am SO glad you have chosen to be strong and to leave.
I’m going to post my previous advice here, because coffecakez has pretty much covered the logistical breaking up advice:
Relationships aren’t tit for tat. He’s score-keeping. He’s trying to “win.”
I was trying to be nice before. But now I’ll just say it – your boyfriend is selfish and manipulative.
Dh cooks for me just about every night of the week. He doesn’t think that entitles him to anything in return. He does it because he enjoys it and because it makes him feel good to “provide” for me in that way.
When I don’t want to have sex, or don’t want to get up and walk the dogs in the morning, he doesn’t say “well I cooked for you!” I can’t imagine how exhausting and confusing a life like that would be.
Neither of us has ever ever, in the 3 years of our relationship, used this reasoning against each other. If I want to join him in something, I do. If I don’t I don’t, and he doesn’t try to guilt me over it, use something nice he did for me as a bargaining chip, or otherwise manipulate me.
Your boyfriend is a tool. There’s a reason he’s dating someone 6 years younger than him. All the women his own age won’t put up with his nonsense.
(I similarly dated a guy 5 years older than me when I was in my early 20’s. In hindsight, I now see why he was such an “eligible bachelor.” He was an emotionally abusive asshole.)
1) Look back over your relationship – I bet you’ll start to see other reasons why you suddenly “started to feel depressed” other than just the fact you weren’t running anymore.
2) Selfish, manipulative people HATE when their victims (narcissistic supply) start to find happiness and joy via anything OTHER than themselves. Because if the victim/supply can find happiness elsewhere, then the manipulative person doesn’t have a monopoly on their victim/supply feeling happiness, hence they have less control over them.
This is why selfish, manipulative people will never be “supportive.” Because they see the hobbies/activites that bring you joy as a threat, and as competition. They resent the fact that you are finding happiness and fulfillment outside them. They become petulant children. They throw temper tantrums. Their narcissism increases and their manipulation attemps ramp up.
I think you are currently experiencing one of these temper tantrums and the attendant manipulation tactics.
The calling you every hour, the pleading, the seeming inability to live without you… all of that is just more manipulation tactics. It also reaffirms for you how he makes every single thing about himself and how it affects HIM instead of considering your mindset and how his actions are affecting YOU. I would NEVER pull that shit on someone trying to break up with me. If they want to break up, then clearly they are not happy. And if you truly love them, their happiness would be front and center in your mind, not your own.
I agree with the advice to do EVERYTHING you need to do first, then break up with him. It doesn’t need to be a whole sit down talk. You’ve already tried that (and much else besides) and he just shows his ass. So you don’t owe him a grand exchange.
Move everything out that you can without him noticing, change all the accounts/passwords, then take a day off work, pack everything that’s left while he’s at work, move them to your new place, be waiting for him when he gets home (if you TRULY want to do this face to face), notify him of the breakup, then leave.