- 1 week ago
Got marked as spam so trying again.
Historically, I have had a rocky relationship with my step sister and it’s typically one-sided and only is consistent when she needs something/is going through something but there’s never an effort on her end otherwise. For example, when she was planning her wedding, we got super close because I helped so much. When she called off the wedding, we were super close because I was so supportive and there for her. But after that/throughout my wedding planning process, she stopped making any effort to talk to me and was minimally involved. After awhile and some therapy I tried to lower my expectations and just take the relationship for what it was. I wouldn’t say I “wrote her off,” but I stopped trying and was just friendly at family events when I saw her and that was the extent of our relationship.
If you’ve read any of my posts, my husband and I are struggling with infertility and recently started treatments (on our second IUI cycle). Last time I saw her was this summer when we first bought our townhome and my parents and her came to visit/see the place. I got a bit drunk and told her I wish we had a closer relationship but that I felt it was often one-sided and it really sucked. I also disclosed to her that we were starting our fertility treatments the next month. Fast forward to now and I haven’t heard from her once. I have honestly been having a very challenging time with dealing with our infertility and have been having a bit of a depressive episode. I have also been very frustrated that I haven’t heard from her and have been talking to some of my friends about it and how I feel like it’s a slap in the face that she hasn’t asked how I am one time in the last 3 months. I have been struggling with not saying anything.
So last week I made a comment to my dad about how going through something like this really shows you people’s true colors (in a good and bad way–my friends have been SO amazing and supportive beyond what I could ever ask for). A few days later my stepmom called me (who I also never talk to) and then just now my stepsister called me (I was unable to answer). I’m sure my dad said something because I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they both called within days of each other for the first time in months right after I made that comment.
Now what I need help with–I don’t have a problem calling her back, but if she asks about baby stuff I really want to tell her that I don’t want to talk to her about it. She has been a toxic topic for me and honestly, I don’t think she deserves to have that conversation with me. I feel that it’s just for show and because my dad said something and I don’t trust her. If she is supportive, reaches out and makes an effort going forward, I would be happy to build that kind of relationship with her again. But I don’t think it’s fair for her to disappear and then expect for me to open up to her. I also feel that if I talk to her about it and then she subsequently disappears again, I will just be hurt more and I’m already going through so much and want to protect myself.
However, I know if I say “I’d rather not talk about that,” she will ask why and it’ll turn into drama. I’ll try to redirect and not make it seem like a big deal, but ugh. I also wonder if I’m being petty. All I’ve wanted was for her to reach out and now that she is, I don’t want to discuss it with her.