- 3 months ago
Long time lurker but in need of some advice/support, to be honest I am not too sure, I just feel I need outsiders perspective, rather than my own family/ friends.
I have been with my partner nearly 4 years now, he is kind, caring, an all round genuine soul who has been there for me through a lot over the years. I have never in my life been treated so well.
Pretty much from the get go intimacy has been a bit of a sticking point in my mind and feelings. I know everyone is different but even at the beginning we were not ‘at it like rabbits’ as people like to say. We didn’t become intimate till we had been dating for approx 2 months (this was unusual for me).
I love him dearly, but 4 years down the line things have only gotten worse and our intimacy has taken a nose dive. We have had sex only 3 times in 17 weeks, one of the times I was drunk. For the past 6 months it has been on my mind that we no longer feel like romantic partners, but more like friends. It has become increasingly difficult to be intimate and quite a few times I have made excuses/ rejected his advances because although my mind is telling me I want it, when it comes down to it my inner voice and body screams no. On a number of occasions when we have had sex, I have gone to the bathroom after and cried, and felt like I just wanted it to be over, I feel so disconnected.
My problem is that now we are trying to make things work, but I honestly don’t see how it will, the thought of being intimate with him just doesn’t appeal to me anymore, not because he is unattractive but for some reason I just can’t bring myself to it.
I love him and love spending time with him, we are like perfect housemates I guess.
What do I do 🙁 – my gut is telling me to end it and that this is not fair for either of us, but it hurts so much and he very much wants it to work, I would be losing a best friend. We also live together and own a dog together. Plus I am 27 and I am so scared to start over, I would have to move back home.
We have spoke about our issues, but he is not good at communicating which in turn has made me not talk as much about things, we seem to talk, then forget about it like everything is fine until I have another breakdown of tears about how unhappy I am. Do we stay together and just accept the scarcity of intimacy? I just don’t know if I can live this way.
Sorry this is an essay, there is so much more to say but I think I have covered it.