(Closed) Nearly 7 Years In – Thinking about breaking up, but scared of regretting it

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
800 posts
Busy bee

Sorry, I didn’t get through your while post because it’s insanely long, but my advice would be to end it. You’ve changed and grown since you were 15 and he may not be meeting your needs anymore. Intellectually and otherwise, if you’re not feeling fulfilled in the relationship then end it. Just because you’ve survived 7 years together, doesn’t mean you need to marry him someday. A relationship will always have ups and downs, but it’s meant to be ultimately enjoyed; not survived. I hope you find a good way to make a clean break and move on.and find someone that will fulfill all your needs. 

Post # 3
461 posts
Helper bee

Honey you don’t need us to tell you the answer, you already know it!  You have both grown up since you were children at 15 and have grown apart.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with this but it is now time to move on as a grown up adult.    

Remember him with love and affection as the great friend who helped you become who you now are and there is also no reason why you have to cut ties with his family completely after so many years.

 Be brave and end this relationship as friends, it will be difficult and scary at first but I absolutely guarantee you wil look back in years to come and know it was what you had to do.

Post # 4
151 posts
Blushing bee

I agree. Sounds like it will be very difficult, but it is time for both of you to move on. If he was dying to marry you, that might be reason to work it out, but he has made it clear he is not.

Post # 5
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I agree with PP… I think you already know in your heart that this relationship has run its course.  You can try to keep a friendship since obviously you two have been through a lot together, but I think you’re right in that it may be time to end things.

Post # 6
493 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the previous posters! End it now and try to maintain a friendship. You have both grown from the 15 year olds who fell in love to adults who have different views on life. If you are no longer IN LOVE with him, there is no future in this relationship. If you don’t end it now you will have regrets and always wonder what could have been. Don’t wait until it’s too late and you are hating him! I myself was molested as a child! I have never been reminded of it when I’m being intimate with my SO!Once with an ex I was and I ended things within weeks. You two have experienced so much together, but never survive a relationship! Enjoy it!!! You should find fulfillment in your relationship! Never be scared to try something new! If it’s meant to be it will be!!!

Post # 7
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Part amicably, explore, have adventures, pursue your goals. stay in contact with him as friends. If it is meant to be, perhaps you’ll be together again 6+ years from now! when you both have more experience and perspective.

Post # 8
2879 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

KristieLee: Sorry, I stopped reading after you said you were 22 and have been together for nearly 7 years. 

Try to transition your relationship to friendship if possible, but if not, that’s ok too. You are in an awesome growth phase and sadly, not every relationship (romantic or otherwise) makes it. 

Don’t keep yourself back from being the best you possible because you started dating someone at 15. If he were still meeting your needs and you were happy, you wouldn’t have written a novel. 

You’ll learn, grow, meet other people and he’ll do the same. If I were still with my high school boyfriend, I don’t think I’d be very happy since we both wanted different things in life. However, while we were both in school, that wasn’t obvious. 

Post # 9
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

KristieLee:  ok I read all of your post. I was in a position similar to yours when i was younger too. In my opinion you need to break it off now. have no contact with him for awhile, i’m talking 6 months or more (time to start to heal) then reconnect as friends. that is the best advide i’ve got. I did that and it was the best thing i could have ever done honestly. it worked out for the best for both of us. we are both happy as friends. I just got married 3 months ago and he was in our wedding party. it can work that way. If you aren’t in love with him and there are all these other problems you know the answer honey. go with your gut.

Post # 10
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with everyone else, you know what you need to do.  Try to end it without hurt feelings.  I don’t know if staying friends is the best but you may find it ends up ok.

I was in a similar situation as you in my early 20s but just not as long of a relationship.  We loved eachother a lot, got along, everything was good except we slowly realized that our future hopes and pursuits weren’t compatible.  We were also on different levels intellectually and he just wasn’t as supportive of my goals as I would have hoped while I was in university.  Turned out he wanted a girl who stays at home and has kids for him and that just wasn’t what I saw in my future.

We broke up without hard feelings and though it was really hard for both of us, it turned out for the best.  We both ended up in with what we wanted in life and relationships.  We aren’t in contact anymore but I view him and our relationship in a positive light and it was definitely an important part of growing into myself.

Post # 11
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds like it has run it’s course. You’re very young and will still do a lot of growing up. I think it’s time to break it off. 

Post # 12
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wanted to comment because I come from a similar situation – I met my now husband when I was 17 and he was 24.  We were married 2 months ago after 8 years together (now 25 and 32).  He was also my first relationship, but I was not his.

For us, I feel that’s where our similarities with you end.  While we absolutely have had challenges, and I struggled with the fact that other guys my age would show interest in me and I was in this relationship.  University was tough for me in that regard.  But we’ve always shared the same goals, and we’ve always been willing to work through things. We have a lot in common in so many ways.  Our biggest challenge was the age difference, but now that I’m a working professional I hardly notice it anymore.  We have a house with the prospect of TTC in the next year or so.  All of these goals have been made and achieved together.

I think that for you, you really don’t have enough of the same values or goals in mind.  You don’t seem to have much in common, and the fact that you are no longer attracted to your SO has to be a major red flag for you.  Attraction is so important in my opinion.

My advice is similar to the others here – it seems your relationship has run its course.  I can empathize how difficult this will be for you, but it seems to me that there is a better match out there for both of you.  Best of luck to you! ๐Ÿ™

Post # 13
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Whitetail Ridge

It sounds like the relationship has run its course. You’re at the beginning of your life and to be tied to something you’re not sure about after 7 years will only hold you back. With all the plans you’ve mentioned: interning across the country, Army reserves, graduate school… it may be better for you to do this unattached and grow outside of this relationship. Don’t let time spent hold you back from accomplishing all of your dreams, marriage included.

It may be possible to be friends, or at least remain in touch, but you both need to see where life takes you outside of this relationship. Maybe it’ll lead you to other people, maybe it’ll lead you back together, but you won’t know if you don’t take the risk to grow!

Post # 14
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015


KristieLee:  All I have to say is go with your gut. If deep down, your gut is saying “leave him” you need to buck up and do it. Otherwise down the road, you will find yourself miserable and not living the life you wanted.

Post # 15
758 posts
Busy bee

You have proven to yourself that you can go out and meet new people.  It seems from the post that you have a very strong comprehension of what you want for your future as well as how your relationship is.  I think that it would be beneficial for you to take the risk and go after what you want.  Relationships are work, but they’re also supposed to be fun; especially at 22.  I think you already know what you want.  

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