(Closed) Nearly called off our wedding because of stags night (two weeks out)…

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think you should feel guilty for taking off your ring. Only you and your FH know how important your morals are to you, and how important the agreement that you made (and had broken) was.

I have no problem with other women being okay with strip clubs or strippers, but I do have a problem with other women trying to push their beliefs on others who don’t share that point of view.

I am like you. I would consider a lap dance cheating, especially because my FH knows how uncomfortable I am with the idea of strippers. By knowing that, if he chose to engage in such an activity, it would be in complete disprect to me. It would also be a lie, and I am not fan of liars. I would call off a wedding over cheating. I think you were justified in doing what you did because it showed how you really felt. It is NOT okay to be disrespected and lied to, and just because you are engaged to your FH does not give him any further entitlement to do so.

We all have our own comfort levels, so please do not reget your decision to take off your ring. If you can work through it, that is wonderful, but do not feel pressured by society telling you “it was just a strip club; all guys do it”, because that is not true. To you it was a display of your FH’s moral weakness, as well as his CHOICE to blatantly disrespect you. You should make yoru decisions based on how you feel, and how you and your FH deal with this issue. Do not let others try to persuade you.

And @veganglam, AMEN! Reading these posts about all these women who are “sick” and anxious because their FH is out for his bachelor party really makes me sad. I wish these women did not feel such an obligation to such a petty tradition. It is not worth the relationship insecurities that usually follow.

Post # 33
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m only going to try to make one point b/c you mentioned you were Christian. A very huge part of Christianity is forgiveness. You have to decide if you’re willing to forgive your Fiance for going against your wishes. It sounds as if he’s humbled and is asking for it. Keep in mind that once you forgive, you shouldn’t punish him for the rest of his life for this. He was honest, came forward and told you what happened (he could have hid that from you). So, you need to figure out if you want to forgive AND forget.

I hope that helps.

Post # 35
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Hi Velveteen.  I’m glad things are working out for you two!

No I wasn’t trying to say christianity=easy forgiveness.  But I thought since you were a strong Christian, forgiveness would be important to you.  (And you indicated already that knew he was in the wrong.)

Thanks for updating us.

Post # 36
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m very glad to hear things are going better with you and your Fiance πŸ™‚  Thank you very much for the update and best of luck to you both!

Post # 37
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Thanks for the update!  So glad to hear you guys worked things out and are moving forward. 

When I said, “Think of the message that it sends to your Fiance…” I guess I was sort of playing devil’s advocate, hoping you’d see the other side of things and not be so angry with him.  I do understand what you’re saying though.  You did what was best for you, bottom line.  And there’s nothing wrong with that!

I’ve been to strip clubs, and I’ve gotten lapdances.  Maybe I’m just a little desensitized.  Wink  I would draw the line at prostitutes though.  Yucky, and no thanks!

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