Post # 1
hi, this is my first post but I have been lurking for a while.
My other half set a timeline to propose and it’s coming up soon. I mentioned it to him and he responded well the year isn’t up yet. I just can’t see him proposing within his own timeline. He has recently set up a new business, he is super busy and all his savings pretty much went into it. I don’t think he’s had the time to organise anything. Plus when I did mention it he said what’s the rush, it’s only a piece of paper , I replied well money is just paper, he replied I work had to keep a roof over our heads, my response was well a marriage is the roof of a relationship. I am not getting any younger and I want commitment and security of marriage.
i asked him while we were in bed the following if the timeline has changed, he said no.
I just feel it isn’t going to happen which makes me feel really sad.
Post # 2
You sound whiny right now. He gave you a timeline that you accepted. He has until that timeline ends to propose without you despairing. He could be trying to throw you off his plan. But the love of your life who you should be able to trust has told you implicitly that he’s still good for the timeline. Trust until proven he’s untrustworthy.
Post # 3
Does he need to organize something? Maybe he bought the ring and all he has to do is propose to you on the couch or whatever. We don’t know your ring discussion maybe he’ll propose without one or maybe it will be something that will be replaced later. Relax!
Post # 4
The fact is that you can’t make him propose to you. All you can control is your reaction should he fail to propose. So start thinking of what you will do if he doesn’t meet your need.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
There’s still quite a bit of time left until the end of the year. I agree with a PP who suggested coming up with a plan for what happens if he fails to meet the timeline, but I don’t think you need to be this upset and certain it’s not going to happen yet. “I just feel that it’s not going to happen” is not really a valid reason for giving up just yet. A lot of guys propose on Christmas, and if he is known to procrastinate and has a sense of humor, I totally see him waiting until 11:59 on New Year’s Eve to propose.
Post # 6
PP is right bee. You can’t make him propose or want to even. All you can control is your actions should the timeline pass with no proposal. All you can do at this point is wait for it and make a decisioon about your next move. Stop being a bystander and control you own future bee.
The fact that he mentioned it being “just a piece of paper” red flags it for me tho. Its the universal phrase of a man that doesn’t want to get married but doesn’t want to tell you so.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
December is a popular month for engagements. New Year’s Eve is pretty much the ultimate cliche, at that. He may be planning something like this.
Give him until the end of his timeline before you pre-emptively get defensive and disappointed in him letting you down; cross that bridge when you come to it.
Post # 8
You need to have a plan of action for what you are going to do if he doesn’t propose (and talking to him about it again is not a plan). If he doesn’t stick to his agreed upon (and reconfirmed) timeline are you moving on? Have you started thinking about finding a new place and all of those steps?
You definitely need to allow the timeline to play out, though. And you should not have to go back and forth with someone about the value of marriage. That’s something that should already be established in your relationship (if you absolutely want marriage, dating a man who doesn’t see the purpose of it shouldn’t be an option for you). But if marriage isn’t a priority for him (or isn’t a priority for him RIGHT NOW), you need to decide what your own priorities are and act accordingly.
Last thing- Alison Armstrong would say that a lot of men aren’t going to be looking to get married and establish a “family” (even if that’s only them and a spouse) when they’re starting a new business. Him saying things like it’s only a piece of paper and he puts a roof over your head would bother me given the circumstances.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
The year is not even up yet. Stop worrying about it right now. Focus on having a wonderful christmas with him and your family. Some women get so worked up around this time of year that they forget to enjoy themselves. You have one whole month to go and your already worrying about him not proposing. You have yourself all worked up at this point and it may be for no reason. You make alot of excuses on why he may not propose but your not giving him any reason’s on why he may. He loves you, want’s to spend the rest of his life with you, want’s children with you, want’s you to be his wife. Look at the positive and don’t focuse so much on the negitive when you still have a whole month to go.
Post # 10
I agree. Let him be until his time limit is up. Then a few days after that have a plan on how to have that conversation with him. That’s all you can really do. Mentally have a plan If he doesn’t so it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2021 - Schoharie, NY
I agree with PP AND I also totally understand where you’re coming from. The waiting game can feel super depleating. I am in a similar situation where we have the ring and he’s planning it out but also going through a ton of stress right now. I really was excited to be engaged before the Christmas season, but he has a while before Christmas (our timeline) so I’m also trying not to get too discouraged. It’s tough. Keep us updated Bee.
Post # 12
Why are you so convinced it isn’t going to happen? If you trust him and he has told you that he will, I would work on believing him. Doubting him, questioning him, and getting upset might actually throw things off because it probably doesn’t feel good to have his partner doubt him. I know it’s difficult to think about what might and might not happen, but as others suggested try to live in the moment and get along. Have a lovely month together. If he does propose as he has said he will, that will be the kind of atmosphere you want to have around your engagement anyway. Chin up.
Post # 13
Why are you asking him about it before the deadline? Think about when you have to do your taxes. Does the Govt. ask you a couple of weeks before, “hey? Are you gonna do your taxes or not? The deadline isn’t here yet but I have a feeling you’re not gonna do your taxes because I don’t SEE you trying to do your taxes.”
Makes no sense!
You might have turned him OFF marriage if anything but questioning him about it before the deadline.
Apologize for it immediately because even though you cannot coerce anyone to pop the question, but the apology is for behaving like you do not trust him. This is now a trust issue, and not an engagement deadline issue. Something about him makes you want to question him.
Getting engaged is a very cost-effective and private affair which doesn’t require much physical work that you get to see. All the important things happen in quick successions (getting the ring, figuring out a location, etc.) and don’t leave traces for you to follow. So, for you to want to see it all, and catch all these clues is unnecessary and scary for him. This isn’t Blues Clues!