(Closed) Need a little advice about work

posted 4 years ago in Career
Post # 2
1008 posts
Bumble bee

If this doctor is texting you at all hours, and berating you, that stress isn’t good for you or your baby. If you already know that you and your husband will be losing your income, and you can afford to lose it now, to be honest I wouldn’t stay. Getting woken up and yelled at is really not okay! 

So, if it won’t hurt you financially, I wouldn’t stay!

Post # 3
300 posts
Helper bee

Based on your other thread and comment about your savings and the fact that your husband likes to pull out the breadwinner card, I think quitting and not working for the next year or so is out of the question. Don’t worry about stress too much, it’s not that bad for babies.

Turn off your phone at night time and don’t reply if it’s not during office hours/urgent. I can see that your job might be the kind of job that can’t really be done part-time but I’d suck it up for now. Maybe come up with a system that shows you’ve done your job, ie. write down which files you’ve prepared. He can’t really argue with that.

Post # 4
47427 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
snowflake8 :  I don’t think you need to accept your current working conditions, but I think this issue needs to be considered in the context of what’s going on in the rest of your life.

As far as this employer is concerned, I think you need to set firm boundaries or find other employment. He can text but you do not need to respond when you are on your own time.

As far as job interviews are concerned, why are you telling them you are pregnant?  It is illegal to discriminate, but you also are not required to disclose your pregnancy. Doing so before you receive a job offer, gives a prospective employer an “out” where they can use any other excuse for not hiring you. Wear something empire waisted or a loose scrub top for your interviews.

I think you should keep working, even part-time, so you keep current with your skills. You never know when you won’t be able to rely  on your DH’s income.

Post # 5
2215 posts
Buzzing bee

Admittedly in part based on your other threads I think you better suck it up unless you find another job.  Becoming completely unemployed in your situation sounds much worse than what you are dealing with – sorry! 

Other advice – I have a boss who emails and texts at odd hours, like 11 pm and again at 5 am – does he sleep??  You should try to set some boundaries.  I don’t reply to anything until at least 7 – 9 am if it comes in in the middle of the night.  On the other hand if it is work hours or say before 6 pm I try to be a good employee and respond right away.  Now my boss doesn’t berate me though, he’s pushy but semi nice.  You need to stop responding until at least business hours, unless you can see it is an emergency.  Stop feeding into it by responding. 


Post # 6
352 posts
Helper bee

 Well, these working conditions are clearly not somethng that you HAVE to accept and you are not weird for feeling that stressed. But really, this is something only you can decide. I mean, it is easy for us to tell you to quit and not tolerate this but it will be you who will have to leave with the consequences. Maybe you can try and set some boundaries and see if they are respected, then decide. If you really need the money ( and clearly you do) , try to work it out any way possible. Start with those phone calls. This is something that can be respected by him if you make it clear in a nice way.

Post # 7
7810 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Based on your other posts you have to be employed. You do not have to disclose your pregnancy in an interview.

You do have the option of setting your boss’ text tone to silent and not responding outside paid hours. When he complains you may simply respond that you keep your phone on silent during personal time and are happy to increase your hours if he needs the additional support. If he pushes it calmly state that you cannot afford to work for free and again, you are happy to increase your hours if he needs the additional support.

Post # 8
6379 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
snowflake8 :  I don’t think you should have burned bridges the way you did with your former employer otherwise I’d say that may be a fesabile situation in which you could come back in at, but since you did, you’ll probably have to stick it out with this job until you can find another.  

Post # 9
182 posts
Blushing bee

Hello Bee, 

I think you need to keep looking for a better job and DONT tell them you are pregnant! But for the time being, set some boundaries with your boss and try to make things tolerable until you find something better. So sorry you’re having such a rough time!

Post # 10
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m shocked at how some people are saying “just turnoff your phone”. No. You should not have to turn off your phone, because your boss should not be berating you at 2 am. That is beyond unacceptable. 

If I were you I’d quit, focus on having the baby, and then try looking for work elsewhere. Not every boss is abusive like this. Your boss’s behaviour is borderline harassment, and he has made it clear that he doesn’t give a shit about respecting your boundaries.

Post # 11
1989 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
snowflake8 :  I don’t work in healthcare- but do you have email? can you leave a paper trail? 

“Boss- prepared your patient files for joe, sue and jim. They are on your desk for review. Have a great weekend”. “boss- confirmed all apointments for tomorrow. Have a nice night.”  Then don’t respond at 2 AM. When he asks the next day, tell him you were unavailable at that time, but before you left the day before you had let him know where his files were. If he loses it, thats his issue.

Look for another job and don’t tell them you’re pregnant. It’s illegal to discriminate, but we all know how the world works and telling them now is just a dumb idea. Wear a blazer and loose top, or scrubs as suggested above. 

Post # 12
10349 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

It sounds to me like he knows that he needs someone that is more full time. He very obviously wants you to do the extra work without the extra pay. I would either have a frank convo with him – or just ghost him outside of work hours. If he asks why you don’t reply to his texts outside of work hours, well then that opens the door for you to have a discussion about boundaries and the possibility of making you more full time.

Post # 13
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m worried that if you have no income, you are almost deliberately putting yourself in a position where you have no options, or feel like you have no options, and thus must tolerate your DH’s behavior. 

I’m also concerned that his behavior will get worse, not better, after you have a baby. Once you are dependent on him totally, this power dynamic could get worse.

try to set boundaries with this boss or find employment elsewhere by not revealing that you’re pregnant.  

But also, bee, check out a book on boundaries like Co-dependent No More. You are surrounded by boundary stompers. BTDT, and I know how draining it is. Do yourself a favor and commit to taking care of yourself and baby, number one. 

Post # 14
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
snowflake8 :  How do ither employers find out you are pregnant if you are 12 weeks you aren’t even showing. Just font tell them, they arent allowed to ask. I say find a new job ASAP (ft pref. So maybe you will have enough hours to get mat leave) or 2 part times or even just another pt job cause this crazy doctor is giving you stress you dont need right now. Or as a last resort before you quit try having a serioud talk with him. You are pregnant, you need to reduce your stress and get tour sleep. Tell him that starting at 11pm your phone will be off (and don’t pick up no matter what) or he jas to increase your pay/hours. You are paid for 3 half days a week. So that’s like 12 hours a week. You are not required to be available 24/7 wtf… this reminds me of that needy boss in the movie 2 weeks notice. So fucking helpless and pathetic his assistant’s hair was falling out due to stress. Go to office team or appleone or  some other placement agency and they can place you into ft hours temp job to get you enough hours for mat leave. Just be upfront with them, tell them you need to make this many hours in this many weeks (give yourself a buffer on both) and hopefully they can find something. I understand that your boss is adjusting to havingbhis own clinic and needs to find a good routine to get things rolling smoothly… and you can be great jelp in that but him texting at 2 am is not ok and it sabotages your sleep and your ability to give him the help he needs diring your work hours. In the long run he is shooting himself on the foot by treating you this way.


I have a question that is a bit off topic, if you dont mind: I have considered leaving nursing or just being pt nurse and pt medical office assistant or finding a nursing job in a doctors office or clinic and I know I may need to learn some specific software to do that. Any advice? What did you take/learn?  (I dont want to hijack tour thread, you can PM me) Thanks!

Post # 15
2188 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
snowflake8 :  How would potential employers know that you are pregnant? Why in the world would you even disclose that……at 12 weeks there is no way they can tell if you wear loose clothing.

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