(Closed) Need a little advice about work

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 16
3167 posts
Sugar bee

Bee, I do think you should quit this job. I don’t think the stress is good for you, especially while you are pregnant. Being pregnant is stressful enough.

However: first, I’d have a conversation with your current boss. Let him know that you enjoy your job, but he cannot text you when you aren’t working unless it is an emergency. I would tell him flat out that this is stressful to you and is making you question whether this job is a good fit. If he is not receptive to this feedback, quit. I have worked with doctors like this before, and unfortunately you cannot make him see your worth. Meaning, you can be the most kick ass, positive, most reliable, hard working employee ever, and they will just keep piling more on you / acting like you don’t do a good enough job. In which case, your only option is to walk away. Because he will not change. Do I think your boss will suddenly respect your boundaries and that you have your own life? No. But at least you’ll know you did everything you could do, and will be able to walk away with no regrets.

Second, due to your other circumstances, it is really important that you have some kind of financial independence from your husband and are not completely reliant on him. Definitely look for another job. Do not tell them you’re pregnant.

Post # 17
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014



Vitana :  have you missed her other posts about her abusive husband? There’s a reason posters are almost universally advising her to not quit her job and sacrifice her means of supporting herself. 

Post # 18
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

6 months is a loooong time. I agree you shouldnt disclose your pregnancy while looking for another job.

Serious (possibly stupid?) question– what is the deal up there with unemployment? If he fires you, are you entitled to it? In NY you can get it even if you are terminated. Usually it doesn’t cover as much as your pay check would, but if push comes to shove it would be good to know what your options are if he decides to make good on his threats.

Also, FWIW if it were me, and we could afford it, I would basically stop responding to his after hours texts and let him go ahead and fire me, and just collect the unemployment while I look for another job. That sounds like way way way wayyy too much stress to add to what you are going through right now.


ETA- after seeing other posts sounds like you have circumstances that would make losing this job extra rough. Then again I don’t know that it’s healthy to have to face this at work, and then the other stuff at home. This is hard bee. I’m very sorry.

Post # 19
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It sounds to me like there is no type of organization in this office.  

If I were you, I would first begin looking for another job & don’t tell them you’re pregnant.  You do not need to disclose that, and at 13 weeks it shouldn’t be that apparent.  I would not just quit, given the things said in previous posts. 

Secondly, in the meantime, I’d create a system that works.  Identify what the constant issues are and find a solution.  Maybe a place like a box or something in the office where all prepared patient files should go for the next day (or however this works). I’d say “Boss, I will place all the files in this box that you need.” Incoming/outgoing patient files.  Use a system similar to your previous job to keep things better organized.  I would also email him and let him know what I did and where I put it, tell him when you did the appointment reminder calls, like a PP said.  If he wants to micromanage every little thing, then e-mail him every little thing you’ve done to get him off your back.

Thirdly, I’d set some boundaries with the calling and texting and yelling.  Do not call/text me after hours or on my days off unless it’s a real emergency.  I will no longer answer or reply after these hours.  I have set an organized system in place and if you can’t find something where it was left at, I can’t help you at 2am.  You will not be allowed to yell at me or accuse me of things I didn’t do.  That is not an appropriate or professional way to talk to employees.  I don’t imagine this small clinic has any life or death situations at 2am. 

Stand up for yourself, Bee.  At home and at this office.  It seems you allow people to walk all over you, nothing will change unless you’re assertive and demand the respect you deserve.  If you get fired, then good riddance, continue on looking for another job.  If your husband doesn’t respect you, or even WANT to spend time with you, you don’t need that in your (or your child’s life).  Don’t allow your child to grow up thinking that’s how a marriage should be, or how an employer should treat you. 

Post # 21
3020 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Gosh, we have so much in common. I can relate to most of your rants… Well, except the ones about your husband, since mine is a very different person.

I’ve spent a good chunk of my career as an administrative assistant (usually in an educational or social work setting), and I’m damn good at what I do. I wanted to break into the medical field to make more money, so I applied for and was hired at a small clinic and was treated the exact same way as you, within hours.

I told the doctor to stop texting me at 2AM, to speak to me respectfully, and to take ownership of trashing the office faster than I could clean up after him when I asked him to throw all of the files into a TO BE FILED basket for me to deal with instead of scapegoating me or I would walk off the job… and guess what? I wrote up a letter of resignation and walked off the job after only three days, telling him that I do not need to tolerate his abuse and I’m a woman of my word. He shouted at me, threatening to ruin my career. Of course, I left this entry off my resumé and found work almost immediately in the social work setting I was most accustomed to. 

I will never work for a small clinic (or anyplace without an HR department) again; there’s just not enough checks and balances in place to protect an employee from a supervisor with a God complex.

Highly suggest asking your previous employer if they have any part-time work available/if you can get your job back. Tell them your new job has been a really bad fit and you regret leaving the large clinic. They know you, they presumably liked you, and they will likely be the most understanding re: your pregnancy than others. If they don’t, try a similarly-sized clinic to the one you left. Good luck!

Post # 22
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I had a job for a couple years where I became friends with my boss and we would talk work stuff after hours because we were passionate about it and wanted our division to have success.  I now work remotely for another company and we text at weird hours allllllll the time.  So I guess I don’t see this as super weird…I mean the 2 am texts yes, but everything else not so much.  If it’s just you and him and this is his first time out as a specialty doctor, that explains it.  He is using you as his sounding board, and I don’t think that’s necessarily “wrong”; in fact I would take that as he trusts you and knows you are doing a good job.

I agree with the others — do not quit this job, unless you find a new job that pays better.  It sounds like things with your previous employer did not end well so unfortunately it sounds like that is out of the question.  But yeah you NEED to work…

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