(Closed) need a little support…sorry horribly long!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t have the full story of your long relationship, but I kind of agree with your dad. At least for now, it seems like your SO does not want to be serious , in any way. No marriage, no responsibility and he wants to live with his mommy.

I’d think about taking a break at the very least and sorting things out. I know you guys have been together for a long time, and you want marriage and kids, but don’t let that keep you from being single or force yourself to stay with him because of all that time and such. 

You are driven, have a great career, and a good head on your shoulders – don’t blow it for someone who doesn’t honor, respect and support you- aka deserve you!

Post # 4
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would just live in your new house, and enjoy your freedom away from HIS parents. It sucks, but you deserve to love in your own house. Hopefully he will eventually get fed up with his parents and grow up enough to move out. I am sorry you are going throug this!

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@softballchic_2006:  It sounds like he isn’t ready to settle down.  And if you are, you have to decide whether or not you are going to wait for him, or leave.  And it doesnt sound like you want to  stay.  All you have control over is how you choose to handle this, you can’t control him, when he gets his ass in gear, when he buys a ring, how else he spends his money.  All you can do is decide whether or not you are willing to put up with it.  Are you willing to wait for him?

Post # 6
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It really sounds like he just isn’t ready to officially move in with you. Living together in school “except for breaks” isn’t the same as real, adult, living together. It seems to be very clear that he doesn’t want to go. There is no reason that he would want to delay moving into a house that is basically moved into, and he is very clearly dragging his heels in the dirt and resisting against moving in with you. 

Stop even thinking about getting pregnant if he can’t get engaged and move into a house that is literally purchased and has half his stuff in it.

Post # 7
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It does sound like he has no intention of leaving his parents home to move in with you. The maturity level sounds somewhat behind for him. I would tell you to really sit and think about how long your willing to wait because the time he wastes you could be passing up the guy your actually supposed to be with. If you think he will grow up in the next few years well then your young enough to wait, if your not sure how long it will take him to mature I would move on myself. It’s hard to grow when mom and dad are doing everything for you. Oh and something is going on with the parents. Dad leaving at breakfast is a pretty good indication that something is up. I would insist on knowing what it is cause bf is not being upfront with you!

Post # 8
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t know what your relationship is like, but based on this, it looks very very bad, and you seem very unhappy.  It sounds like he is a man-child and would make a terrible husband.  What if you do marry him and he expects you to treat him the way his mom did?  Also, I can just see the in-laws driving a wedge between you two if you do get married. 

I ordinarily would say 24 is still young, but in your case, you really do have the clock ticking really fast.  He knows your medical issues but he’s completely dismissing it.  He probably wont be ready to get married until his 30s.   He’s not going to grow up in time, and you shouldn’t wait for him too.  You two are not on the same page and probably won’t be for years.  I know it may be hard, and it may be scary, but I think you’re better off starting from scratch.  It will be better off you start dating someone who is similarly marriage minded with a more set timeline for what he wants.  Most importnatly, a man who isn’t being babied by his mother.  I know it’s hard to walk away from 5 years, but it will be even harder to walk away at 6 years, and 8 years, or even at 30. 

Post # 9
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Dump him.  He’s wasting your time.  And since you may very well have less than most women get, you can’t afford to throw it away on a guy who doesn’t want to live like a grownup, much less be a parent.  

Post # 10
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I would leave. Your dad is totally right. No one in his family, including him, is treating you right. Don’t put up with this.

Post # 11
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, definitely leave him. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders (and congrats on getting into APRN school!! And good luck!!), and are likely much more mature and independant than he is. He might come around, but don’t count on it. 

Post # 13
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

Not to be a pessimist, but it truly sounds like your SO is leading you along.  It doesn’t seem like he’s making a single effort to have a future with you EXCEPT for his lip service which isn’t nearly as important as his actions.

He may be a wonderful, sweet guy who makes you happy, but is that enough?  Living God knows how many more years with his parents before you can convince him to move to a place you’re already paying for (geeze!), still not engaged and not having and raising children together…is that what you want?  Because that truly sounds like that’s what will happen.

What I find most interesting is that you lived together for 4 years (with him going home for holidays and summers) and he’s now having issues with living with you…seems like a flag of sorts.  I won’t say “red”, but maybe an orange flag.

Post # 14
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I am so sorry for you. Actions speak louder than words. He comes from a family where people seem to be out of touch and babied (his mom judged your house? really?!). If he wanted to marry you, he would marry you- that simple. He wouldn’t avoid any committed conversations about it, and he would certainly take your health concerns into account. He would be saving money to speed up his “10 year plan” rather than blowing it on toys. If he needs time to think about your relationship, then he’s not in it. You deserve someone who 1. Won’t even put you in this position but 2. Wouldn’t need any length of time to decide that you’re the one he wants to be with!!! Some people grow together, other people grow apart, and college is the hardest time to make it work. I think you should listen to your dad and move on. This manboy is never going to change- even if he begs you to come back and proposes, what kind of selfless father will he be?? What kind of helpful and loving husband?? Major red flags.

Post # 15
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was just wondering how things are turning out. I hope you are doing ok.

Post # 16
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Kari 2012:  Things did turn out great! i deactivated the softballchic_2006 account and this is my new one! things are great! i guesse i shoulda updated this one, but you can read through my updates on this account….turns out it was job and financial stress and a whole other mess! thanks for checking on me! : )

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