(Closed) Need a Rabbi & Priest/Minister for Interfaith Wedding on Long Island

posted 8 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It must be long island! We called a rabbi that FI’s cousin used for her interfaith wedding and he wanted $700 for a wedding in LI, $1250 to do our wedding in NJ!

We wound up going with the local rabbi. FI’s family belongs to a temple in our town and the rabbi is free for us since they are members.

We’re using a local priest as well, but the priest his cousin in LI used was named Msgr Jim Lisante ([email protected]) No idea what he costs though, we didn’t contact him. He was very funny though, the entire duo was funny & very likable which is why we wanted to use them to begin with, till we saw that 1250 price tag haha

Post # 5
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@sagbride: yup, I’m Catholic and he’s Jewish. we’ll have having a deacon and a rabbi – at least I think we will if the deacon ever calls me back! haha

Post # 7
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it depends on your priest. I called the church that we belong to and they told me that the priest won’t perform an interfaith ceremony, or a ceremony that is held outside of teh church building (we’re getting married at our venue) but that the deacons would do it. It’s still recognized by the Catholic church if a deacon does the ceremony, so I’m okay with that, although I know people who only want a priest. I just wanted to make things easy & I like the deacon in quesiton better than our priest anyway

Post # 8
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Have you thought about having a friend or close family member get ordained online? We had one of DHs childhood friends get ordained, wrote our own ceremony and he gave it for us – it was great!

Post # 10
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

interfaithfamily.com That is where we found our rabbi and usually they know priests or ministers that are confortable with interfaith weddings.

Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

Actually, neither a priest nor a deacon can perform a marriage outside of a Catholic Church and neither a priest nor a deacon can “co-officiate” a wedding.  There is only one form of marriage allowed and the rite is here: http://foryourmarriage.org/rite-for-celebrating-marriage-between-a-catholic-and-an-unbaptized-person/

You can usually find priests willing to do interfaith ceremonies outside of a Church, but it’s usually an ex-priest or a priest of a non-Roman Catholic “catholic” church that’s not recognized.  As a result, the wedding won’t be recognized by the Catholic Church.  And even if you found a priest with the authority to marry and in good standing who performed the wedding outside, by performing it outside it would be automatically unrecognized by the Catholic Church.

As an alternative which is very common for Catholic-Jewish weddings, you can have just a Jewish wedding and have it be 100% valid in that Catholic Church by requesting a “Dispensation from Canonical Form” from a bishop.

So how do you get a Dispensation from Canonical Form?  You ask a priest and the priest asks a bishop. So what’s the catch?  They don’t give those out for any old reason.  You need a good reason to justify why you’re not getting married in a church.  But it’s usually very easy to justify it by stating that you’re jewish and it’s important for you to be married in a Jewish ceremony and those sorts of requests are granted every day.  All you have to do is sit down with a priest and explain your situation and that you’d like a Dispensation to get married in a Jewish ceremony.

Post # 12
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I am Jewish and my fiance is Catholic, and we have already had a priest agree to co-officiate a wedding outside the church (at our venue).  He had to get permission from the local archdioceses, but the marriage will be completely valid in the catholic church.  He is Roman Catholic, and definitely not an ex-priest. 

 

Unfortunately, my family’s rabbi will not co-officiate the ceremony, so we are still searching for a good one.

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@notoriousmand: You misunderstand what is happening.  The priest is not co-officiating or co-celebrating.  According to Canon 1127 Section 3:

There is not to be a religious celebration in which the Catholic who is assisting and a non-Catholic minister together, using their own rites, ask for the consent of the parties.

To change this canon, you need the pope and the college of cardinals to come together to rewrite the entire canon law in a multi-year conference. 

What you can have happen (and what is likely the case) is that the bishop has dispensed from the requirement that a priest perform your wedding.  This is allowed under Canon 1127 Section 2:

§2. If grave difficulties hinder the observance of canonical form, the local ordinary of the Catholic party has the right of dispensing from the form in individual cases, after having consulted the ordinary of the place in which the marriage is celebrated and with some public form of celebration for validity.

In this case, the bishop has approved that a Jewish wedding is a sufficient “public form of celebration.”  Under this condition, a priest can come to your wedding, and the priest can even give a blessing at the end (priests can offering blessings anytime), and the priest can even say something in the middle, but the priest cannot dress in attire suitable for Mass, cannot stand with the rabbi/cantor and the priest cannot conduct part of the wedding ceremony.  To do that would be a liturgical abuse.

Post # 14
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@notoriousmand: We had a priest and a Rabbi…I don’t know the rules specifically, but the Rabbi we used in NJ (He works in NY too) is Rabbi Josh Cantor. He has helped a few of my friends when he is booked. [email protected]. Please tell him Mona sent you! Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

@sagbride:  http://www.interfaithclergynetwork.com — The only organization that’s an association of rabbis, priests and ministers so that if you secure two clergy from this organiztion, you’ll have clergy that are already friends and “on the same page.”  However, if one of you already has a clergy person committed to be with you on your wedding day, you can get the other half of your clergy team.  You will already have at least one who has decades of expertise working with other clergy and know well how to develop a comfortable collegiality.  As for price, please note that the rabbi who will eventually be the rabbi for an interfaith couple suffers the consequences of supporting you.  That is, all Orthodox, Conservative and most Reform as well as Reconstructionist congregations (and, generally, all the good career ones) won’t hire a rabbi who, when interviewed, says s/he would officiate for interfaith couples.  Yep, this is a litmus question at interviews.  It would be financially and professionally wise for any rabbi to be unavailable to interfaith couples; however, you are fortunate in that their are so many rabbis who are willing to give up the respect of their colleagues and challenge of prestigious congregations in order to launch your relationship in a meaningful and uplifting manner.  Those who do officiate and or coofficiate for interfaith couples truly believe in what they are doing.  (Note also that if your two clergy both come from http://www.interfaithclergynetwork.com, both will be paid the same amount.)  Rabbis are particularly aware of the budgeting burdens facing couples as they plan their wedding.  Please, ask your rabbi to do you a favor: keep a log of the time of every phone conversation, meeting and email w/you as well as the time connecting with another clergy member and developing that relationship and writing and revising your ceremony and traveling to your venue early, conducting your ceremony and driving back from your venue as well as.  You will be impressed with what a modest hourly wage this professional (who had as many years of education as your medical doctor) is compensated for facilitating a process which garners you love and support and respect from a now united circle of family and friends.  Like the “MasterCard” ad campaign – “Priceless.”  You’re indeed fortunate to be able to pay a flat fee rather than have the clock running at minumum wage: that would be more that double the offer you were given.  Trust me I know: I’ve done the math.  Please, be grateful that after insisting that you deserve support and celebration you have received exactly that from your rabbi. Mazel Tov.  All the Best Wishes.

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