Fiance's sisters controlling who gets to be in the wedding

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
7644 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t see a problem here. The sisters don’t need to know who’s in the wedding party until the wedding day (or maybe the rehearsal), and when that happens – what can they do? They were given a chance to be in the wedding party and they declined, so why on earth would they be offended?

Post # 32
Member
8254 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

bellabride2828 :  

IMHO  this is one of those ‘actually not an X problem but  Fiance problem’ situations . Your Fiance should ideally have not let his sisters complaint make you feel  guilty  enough to ask them. I’m  not surprised they turned it down , they sound miserable types who would have enjoyed doing that and  of course they had  the perfect excuse in that “we were  only asked because bro made her”

And he should not for an  instant consider un-asking your little brother, whose reasons  for wanting the role are so sweet and uncomplicated. Nor should little bro be given any hint that his role is now a ‘problem’ of any sort.

I think Fiance needs to shut this down and stop talking and listening to any more wedding  complaints and whinings from sisters – are they teenagers btw ? He doesn’t have to  actually  confront anything if thats what  he fears, just change subjects in a bland and pleasant way

Post # 33
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

bellabride2828 :  they sound like they are gonna bitch about you and the wedding anyway…. I wouldn’t worry about it.

They declined and acted like brats. I don’t consider the opinion or bother to worry about spoiled bratty people in my everyday life, so I wouldn’t bother to for my wedding either.

Have a lovely day and be thankful that they live too far away to get into your business everyday. I also think it is adorable that your little brother is so excited and loves your hubby to be!   

Post # 34
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Ignore the sisters, don’t un-ask the brother, and don’t for heaven’s sake make him stand up on the bride’s side.  I get the idea of it, but what 13-year-old kid excited about feeling like “one of the guys” wants to find himself standing with the bridesmaids?

Post # 35
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee

Defs keep your brother as a groomsman, on the boys side. He doesn’t want to muck around with you girls all day 😜. Simply don’t advertise who is in your bridal party. The girls can grow up. 

Post # 36
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

They turned down their chance and your little brother didn’t, so why would it be a problem? They’re the ones who said no. They’re being brats. They’re gonna find something to complain about anyways I bet.

Post # 37
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

bellabride2828 :  this is an issue w your Fiance, not his sisters. If he’s so easily going back on a promise he made to your brother bc he now worries that keeping his commitment might risk upsetting his sisters, I wonder if he’s mature enough for marriage and ready to not have his family’s dramatic emotions at the center of his life. It’s all his choice, nothing to do w them. He isn’t comfortable sticking up for what’s right or doing things they might not like?

Post # 40
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee

I guess that’s good that it’s flexible.. 

It’s really not expected though that sibling in laws be in the wedding party if you’re not close. I’ve been to several weddings where they weren’t. It’s one of those things where it’s a nice gesture, but it isn’t automatically assumed particularly when they live far away and you don’t have a close relationship with them. 

I was on the fence about asking my sister-in-laws to be because they live quite far away and are students so I was worried it would be an expensive inconvenience for them more than anything else. I DID end up asking them, but a large part was because a)they can choose their own dress and it won’t be formal and b) my fiancé let it slip to them before i’d actually asked them (which pushed me off the fence haha). 

Post # 41
Member
8254 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

bellabride2828 :  

Aw, shame about that,   I’m sure groomsman is  what little brother would be expecting , a proper grown up role, not some usher type thing. Ah well.

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