Post # 31
I don’t see a problem here. The sisters don’t need to know who’s in the wedding party until the wedding day (or maybe the rehearsal), and when that happens – what can they do? They were given a chance to be in the wedding party and they declined, so why on earth would they be offended?
Post # 32
IMHO this is one of those ‘actually not an X problem but Fiance problem’ situations . Your Fiance should ideally have not let his sisters complaint make you feel guilty enough to ask them. I’m not surprised they turned it down , they sound miserable types who would have enjoyed doing that and of course they had the perfect excuse in that “we were only asked because bro made her”
And he should not for an instant consider un-asking your little brother, whose reasons for wanting the role are so sweet and uncomplicated. Nor should little bro be given any hint that his role is now a ‘problem’ of any sort.
I think Fiance needs to shut this down and stop talking and listening to any more wedding complaints and whinings from sisters – are they teenagers btw ? He doesn’t have to actually confront anything if thats what he fears, just change subjects in a bland and pleasant way
Post # 33
bellabride2828 : they sound like they are gonna bitch about you and the wedding anyway…. I wouldn’t worry about it.
They declined and acted like brats. I don’t consider the opinion or bother to worry about spoiled bratty people in my everyday life, so I wouldn’t bother to for my wedding either.
Have a lovely day and be thankful that they live too far away to get into your business everyday. I also think it is adorable that your little brother is so excited and loves your hubby to be!
Post # 34
Ignore the sisters, don’t un-ask the brother, and don’t for heaven’s sake make him stand up on the bride’s side. I get the idea of it, but what 13-year-old kid excited about feeling like “one of the guys” wants to find himself standing with the bridesmaids?
Post # 35
Defs keep your brother as a groomsman, on the boys side. He doesn’t want to muck around with you girls all day 😜. Simply don’t advertise who is in your bridal party. The girls can grow up.
Post # 36
They turned down their chance and your little brother didn’t, so why would it be a problem? They’re the ones who said no. They’re being brats. They’re gonna find something to complain about anyways I bet.
Post # 37
bellabride2828 : this is an issue w your Fiance, not his sisters. If he’s so easily going back on a promise he made to your brother bc he now worries that keeping his commitment might risk upsetting his sisters, I wonder if he’s mature enough for marriage and ready to not have his family’s dramatic emotions at the center of his life. It’s all his choice, nothing to do w them. He isn’t comfortable sticking up for what’s right or doing things they might not like?
Post # 38
ct2015 : we’re paying for the wedding ourselves
Post # 39
Thanks everyone for your input. So he’s going to talk to my brother about putting him in another role. But I’m pretty sure he won’t be a groomsman. I was under the impression that he told him he’d be a groomsman but apparently he left it kind of open.
Post # 40
I guess that’s good that it’s flexible..
It’s really not expected though that sibling in laws be in the wedding party if you’re not close. I’ve been to several weddings where they weren’t. It’s one of those things where it’s a nice gesture, but it isn’t automatically assumed particularly when they live far away and you don’t have a close relationship with them.
I was on the fence about asking my sister-in-laws to be because they live quite far away and are students so I was worried it would be an expensive inconvenience for them more than anything else. I DID end up asking them, but a large part was because a)they can choose their own dress and it won’t be formal and b) my fiancé let it slip to them before i’d actually asked them (which pushed me off the fence haha).
Post # 41
Aw, shame about that, I’m sure groomsman is what little brother would be expecting , a proper grown up role, not some usher type thing. Ah well.