- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
First off thank you for taking a minute to actually respond to this if you feel so led.
I have a serious problem that my girlfriend and I have struggled with for a long time. I need a woman’s thoughts and opinion to help this man who loves her very much to better understand. My guy friends basically all tell me the same thing I am feeling on this issue, except one…. that’s one guy out of like 12, so I need to be more understanding or wake up as my guy friends tell me.
Here it is:
Without going into too much detail.. My girlfriend and I love each other tremendously. We have like all couples had our issues, and like most we work through things because we care and want to be together.
An issue came up last year that caused us to actually break up for almost 2 weeks. The issue was due to a fight my gf and I were having and one of her oldest and closest friend who barely knows me other than a few parties and get togethers decided to call me up and curse the living crap out of me. I never even got a chance to speak.
Let me explain and change the names of the real people.
Last Dec I got laid off my job of almost 18 years. I had a lot of old friends call me to see what was going on cause they heard of the mass lay off and wanted to know if I was effected. I received a call from a girl I once dated in my old job and we caught up briefly on the phone. She had moved over to a new company, which my gf best friend had just been hired at in our area. I mentioned her name (Pam) and she looked her up. She than said oppps> and I said what.. and she said she should be getting her numbers up… well this is what then happened.
My Girlfriend (Cindy) told her friend (Pam) that I was speaking to someone at her work from another department that I knew from a previous job that she did not know. (Betty). Well Cindy told Pam that Betty had told me her work was not top notch and she should be concerned. I never expected my girlfriend to tell her friend, but she did. Well her friend said I was lying and that person was fictitious and I lied and went off on me to her.
Then came the big blow… Pam her friend called me personally and cursed me out to no end and told me she was going to get my gf and I broke up..
WOW I was shocked… so I asked my gf to correct the matter by calling her, instead she decided to make matters worse and ask how well I knew this person Betty and was she an ex and did she really exist and on and on.. basically she listened to every thing her friend Pam had told her to say! Because I would not stoop to this immaturity my gf went on to move out.
So I called Betty and asked her to clear the air and come out for me and call Pam and tell her who she was basically and yes she spoke to me… but Betty was only willing to call her and tell her yes she was real.. and yes she spoke to me and (that yes we once dated and that she now thought I was insane to stand by a gf who was willing to break up over this incident)
So after Betty cleared the air, I suspected things would reside.. but no… instead her friend Pam helped her to continue moving out. And my gf said it was best.. so I moved on and like most guys I began dating immediately.. Well when my gf saw I was dating and someone was already coming over the house she freaked out and wanted back in my life..
I said yes. and for the last year things have been good except for ONE BIG PROBLEM I need your opinions on!
The friend PAM has never even come close to apologize. and after almost a year I do not want her anywhere near our life.
If she can not be decent enough to just say I am sorry or send an email saying hey sorry.. than I do not want her in our life.
But my gf thinks nothing of it and thinks I should deal with it.
All my friends tell me she is not loyal to me as a true friend and that is how I feel.. I mean I am not trying to separate her from her friend.. and I love most of her friends.. but this one has very bad blood between us and she can not just apologize…
I have posed the question if this friend cursed out your daughter would you ever speak to her again and she admitted she would not.. but she does not see the same issue with the loyalty of a good man who honors her and loves her.
I need your woman’s opinions and thoughts.. cause as of now I can not go through with a marriage to someone I feel does not have my back .. and the old saying my friends are your friends and my enemies are your enemies haunt me…
And as I said all of my guy friends.. except one.. think this is a serious breach in loyalty /
I have asked my gf to just confront her friend and tell her she can not be close to her if she can not clear the air with us,,, but she thinks this is not right …
So can I get some thoughts here? I will accept any that come my way.. just want to hear the public..
PS I went to counseling to make sure I had a professional opinion.. and she said I have to stand by my boundaries. She also had me realize that those boundaries of love are willing to always forgive.. so my final boundary is I need her to stand by me if her friend can not at least be an adult and respectful and say a simple sorry.
I welcome any thoughts you offer.