- 5 years ago
Been with SO nearly two years, and living together for one. We live about 300 miles aways from my family and 150 from his. I lost my job in June and I have only just found a new one (Friday) but it doesn’t start for about 3 weeks. So please bare in mind that SO has been financially supporting me for several months and it’s been a litte bit of a strain.
I moved away from family specificley for him. His immediate family (parents sibling) live in Australia, he moved back to the UK before we had even met, mostly becuase he got an amazing job opportunity.
Anyway me and his friends arn’t overally fond of one another but hey so what, I’m not going to make drama over that. So when he does visit his UK hometime, to see his other family (aunts, uncles, grandparents etc) and friends, I only go with him if it’s more family orientated than friend orientated. Just because it’s extra money for me to go with him and I never enjoy it when the visit is mostly his friends it’s just very awkward, so why bother?
He all in all visits his hometown about twice a month.
Where as I only get to see my family and friends every 5 months and it breaks my heart. I am much more family orientated than him, where as he prefered his friends over his family.
I get really upset that I only get to see them 2 days every 5 months and what breaks my heart even further is everytime I tell him how much I miss my family and how it’s killing me he just says ” Well I don’t see why your so upset because I havn’t seen mine in 2 years” (Referrig to his immediate family in Australia.
But I personally feel that it’s a completely different situation.
1. He left his family in Aus for work and because he hated the country. He wanted to be back in Britain (He’s Brittish like me). Where as I left my family for him. Which feels like a slap in the face because he’s only here half the time because he’s with his family/friends 150 miles away.
2. He has friends at work. I don’t (Hopefully it will get better when my job roles in).
3. He is with his friends/relatives every other weekend, I know it’s not quite the same as his immedite family but it’s more of a comfort than I get. Which is a weekly phonecall to my mother who passes the phone around my 3 siblings, dad and Grandparents.
4. He has money a car and mobile. He has much more ways to communicate with his people than I do mine. If he wanted to call his best friend up for chat he can. If he needed to get to his grandparents house suddenly he can. I don’t have any of that due to my job situation but agian that will get better.
I feel like he’s not being considerate of my feelings enough. Any opportunity he gets to suddenly run back to his hometown he does. But I have to miss EVERYTHING my siblings Proms, 18th birthdays, 21st bithdays, Engagements parties.
The only event he agreed to take me too (Even though my freind had to fork out the bill for the petrol) was the said friends leaving do. He has been best friend since childhood and SO made the even all about him. I was FUMING.
Before going I said to SO that niether of us were drinking because we had to leave at midnight and head 20 miles up the road to my parents house as there was a family engagement celebration. So we were going to crash at my parents in order to make the engagement do at 11am next day. I sai neither of should drink so A. He can drive and B. Were not hungover next day. He agreed and said that was a great idea.
Then the day came and MF (My Friend) called to tell me that ALL of his party guests had canceld but us. All 30 of them. So he had changed it from a party to a small meal at resturaunt just us 3 me, MF and SO. We arrive and MF’s roommate has got a couple of her girl mates over and they’re having a drinking game in the lounge. Me and SO are sat on couch waiting for MF to get dressed (He can be a woman like that).
Suddenly my SO said he wants to jion in the girls and get drunk. I didn’t know these girls. MF only knew his roomate in a very casual way and even he didn’t know any of her friends. The girls didn’t even invite my SO to jion them. I know he wasn’t doing it in a pervy of flirtatious way he just wanted an excuse to drink. If it had been a group of guys he would of done the same. I tell him “No” because we’re suposed to be driving back this is supposed to be about MF leaving for America not about my SO getting waisted. He get’s up and storms out and sits in the car to sulk. I can’t believe how childish he is behaving so I refuse to acknowledge his behaviour and not to rise to it. MF comes down the stairs asks where he is and then talks me round to talking to him.
I go outside and we have this huge embarassing argument about it and I feel like crap because I feel like we have ruined MF leaving do. In the end I get my way because MF steps in whilst SO is stood there saying ” Sorry mate I;m not allowed to have fun”.
I was so humiliated and upset about it all. I couldn’t believe how selfish SO was being.
That was the last time I saw my friends and family (saw them next day as planned).
But it has to be a damn good reason if I want to go back to Doncaster (my home city), for him to agree. Where as he flys back to every single tiny event.
Within the past 2 months he has gone back for the following reasons:
1. His Uncles wedding (Fair enough)
2. His friends Chelseas Birthday
3. His friends Caseys Birthday
4. Johnny’s Birhtday
5. Grahams birthday
6. Reading festival (which we really coudln’t afford)
Thats nearly every weekend, don’t get me wrong I think the big things like the wedding is ok. Is this fair?
It makes me resent his friends even more than I already do. It is crushing our relationship because I feel like
1. I’m not allowed to miss my family due to his being in Australia
2. He would rather be with his friends than me
3. He thinks his friends deserve more of our time than my family deserve.
4. He is willing to travel down at the slightest event but for my family it must be a funeral or wedding equivalent.
5. He complains how broke we are because of my work situation…. if we’re that broke we can’t afford reading festival tickets and a cottage in Wales for Grahams birthday etc, sort your priorities out!
6. I moved 300 miles away from my family/friends to be with a man that is only here 50% of the time.
I have to take into account that he has been supporting me so he deserves that bit more than me.
I need some advice about if I have the right to feel like this? am I exagerating the situation due to emotions and stress? If it is normal to feel like this then how do I fix it? I do I see if it improves after I get my job and then decide if I need to walk? Has anyone else been in htis situation?
PLEASE HELP :/