(Closed) Need adivce :/ *long*

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

Have you talked to him about this??? Think it was you that posted a few weeks ago about not being able to go home for christmas because your SO wont help you out with this travel expenses, but HE is going home?? Sounds like he might have some issues with using money as a control. Only saying that because of your other post too. If family is important to you, and if you are not able to see them as much as you want, I worry that you will begin to resent your SO….pls talk to him about this!!! As a RELATIONSHIP if one is without a job (but looking!!) then it should be a relationship of compromise…not him holding money over your head.

Also, your list of how you are feeling is a HIGE indicator that something is wrong here. Its more than him going home almost every weekend. He should not be making you feel like you as a couple are broke because o your employment situation (especially if you are actively looking for work). Sounds like he can be a bit controlling??? Please bear in mind that im only taking that from the words in your post….Im not reaching to my own experiences. Sorry if that sounds harsh 🙁

Post # 4
Member
2842 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@CloverPinder:  You are giving up so much for him. You really need to be sure if he is worth it. Only you can answer that question.

Post # 5
Member
4690 posts
Honey bee

Wow. There’s a lot of red flags in this. A relationship is a give and take. He seems to be taking and not giving at all. He should be willing to miss some minor things so you can go to major ones. 

Post # 7
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I was going to write a response until I saw your most recent update to this post. Now I’m not so sure what to write, because it isn’t very nice to be reminded on a daily basis about oweing your SO money when you aren’t in a position to repay it at the moment.

Hope you both figure things out. Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t ask your Gran for a loan to repay him.  Ask your Gran for a loan to move out on your own.  It will be hard at first but it sounds like you’ll be much happier.  Also, my advice is to plan on moving back near your family eventually.   You’re obviously very close to them. 

Another piece of advice that can be taken with a grain of salt….never move to be with a man untill there is a ring on your finger and at least a wedding date set.

Good luck to you.  🙂 

Post # 9
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

My SO has supported me financially for about 4 years. He does it out of love, not because he expects repayment, or to get credit for it. It is not loving for him to keep a running tab of what you “owe” him. I agree with a PP, that he sounds controlling. I think you can do better than him. It’s best to cut your losses and move on.

Post # 10
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh honey, I’m so sorry you have to go through this.  He sounds like a very controlling type of guy.  He seems to think that simply because he is the money maker right now, he has the *right* to tell you what to do and how you should feel.  He does not sound like he is loving you or thinking about your best interest or even caring about you at all.  Talk to him again, but honestly if this is not a healthy relationship (as in it is emotionally unhealthy for you to be with him) I would suggest that you think about leaving him.. I know that is easier said than done.  I’m sure there are great times in your relationship but honestly, this does not sounds like a very happy situation.

Best of luck, girl.  <3

Post # 11
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

I was fiancally supporting my ex for a ery long time. At the beginning it was, I’ll do this until you find a job. Well he didn’t. It became a major issue. When I stated keeping tabs on how much money he was starting to owe me, thats when it became clear we were just roomamtes than a partnership. 

Now? I earn more than my partner. Does it matter? No. Do we keep tabs? Nope! I’ve paid for more groceries this week as he had a big car payment. I don’t. We work as a team. 

Get out. You don’t deserve that in your relationship. 

Post # 12
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Major red flags here..

My DH pays the majority of our bills and of I ever need financial help he is there- no running tabs. If he was constantly at me over how much I owed him, I would not only be stressed out but wouldn’t feel like he was my partner!

Post # 13
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

It sounds like you aren’t enjoying this relationship.

The topic ‘Need adivce :/ *long*’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors