(Closed) Need Advice

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

What have the problems been? Your wedding isn’t for another year. Could you mend the relationship over that time?

You could give her the option of stepping down (i.e. let her know you understand if she’s overwhelmed with the new baby etc) but I wouldn’t give her the boot just yet.

Post # 4
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Suck it up. I contemplated kicking out a bridesmaid a week ago. Not supportive, not helping, and at times causes drama.  But you picked her for a reason and a friend asked me the following questions:

After you kick her out will the husband bail too(this case her boyfriend)?

Would they still come to the wedding?

Would that be awkward?

This is a friendship ending kind of move, do you really want it to be over?

Will it be less stressful to have her in or deal with the drama that may happen after?

Will others find out and think you were some kind of crazy princess bridezilla?

Will she get drunk and tell the people at her table?

I am just keeping her. It seemed easier to deal with her being there than all of the stuff that could happen if we didn’t have her there.

Post # 5
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Is your wedding next October? If so, you might be jumping the gun a little. But if you both decided you want her out since you aren’t really friends anymore, you can ‘give her an out’ by gently telling her you asked her in a flurry of excitement a year ago and you understand you two aren’t that close and it’s going to be a lot of work considering she has a baby, etc. That way hopefully she will resign on her own and there won’t be any hard feelings.

Post # 6
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I dont really know what she could have done with your wedding so far away that would cause her to be kicked out. Maybe a little more explanation would help.

Post # 7
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would really think about your decision before making it.

Here are my thoughts:

Telling her she is out will most likely ruin your friendship (and your husbands friendship) with her forever.  It will most likely really hurt her feelings and humiliate her.  Her husband may (and probably should) say he is going to step out too, as his wife has had her feelings hurt in this decision. 

Can you just talk to her first, instead? Explain to her how big of a deal it is to have everyone in your wedding be on good terms with the both of you, and therefore you guys need to work everything out.  Remind her how important of a day this is for you and how you need people who love and support you both to stand along side you both.  I’m assuming that’s why you chose her in the first place.  Maybe it’s possible to get back to that point.

That is my suggestion.  However, your question asked how to tell her, so I will give you my thoughts on that:

If you decide that is the only way to handle it, I would sit down with her (in a place SHE is comfortable) and explain to her what has been going on with the two of you. Explain why you feel like your friendship has dwindled. Then explain to her how important it is to you that the people in your wedding be people that you are close to, and therefore have decided to not include her anymore.  You’ll have to be very gentle about it, to keep even a chance of peace with eachother.

Good luck in your decision!

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