(Closed) Need advice!

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

have you tried to talk to your boyfriend and told him what you wrote here (minus the ex-bf parts of course)? communication is key when it comes to sex, and you should tell him how you feel.

Post # 5
Member
7751 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@beeanonymous:

You wrote that you are currently only having sex with your bf because he wants it–that’s not a very good place to be.

I agree, communication is crucial.  But I also got that there is more than just a sexual problem here, you mentioned his overall immaturity.  I’m extrapolating from your post that he is not making the effort to please you, is that correct?

Sexual problems often respond nicely to therapy.  But, I’m sensing much more here than that.

I think it does us a lot of damage inside when we have sex when we don’t want to.

Connecting sex with love is complex & not something you can teach him.  

Post # 6
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@beeanonymous:It can be difficult when you are in love with someone and you expect a spectacular sexual attraction and it’s not there. Just “talk” to your honey about it maybe while you are in the act. Tell him how you like it when he does so and so. I think it is best to gentle with this situation. Show him what you like, it will work out in time.

Post # 9
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would try to direct things in a way that you want first to see if you can get him to open up more.  Like if he tries to go quickly, slow him down (or be in a position where you are in control of the motion) so that you can savor the moment.  Chose positions where you are face to face.  Also, try to spend time being intimate without having sex (cuddling, kissing, etc).

Sex can be both emotional and fun, you just have to switch it up!

Post # 10
Member
7751 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Now I’m confused.  What would he have to do differently to demonstrate the emotional part of sex that you feel is lacking?

Post # 11
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I had an ex like this – I found there were ways to subtly ask for more of an emotional experience. I used say things like, “No, [do it] like you love me”, or you could try just asking him to slow down and “make love” instead of just having sex. Sometimes simple phrasing can be a first step to cluing him in to your needs. 🙂

Post # 14
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think both of you can be happy and satisfied, you just have to figure out how to communicate to him.

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

what you need to do is challenge him to “do romance” and make it a game for him

he gives you a sexy massage by candle light or some other roleplay game that is about the build up to sex and not just the sex

ive not read it but i hear good things about a workbook called the 5 languages of love, i dont know about the sex part of this book but it will help him to understand how you interpret things/love is expressed differently for different people

goodluck!

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