(Closed) Need advice !

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My friend moved to a different province with her boyfriend (they’ve been together 2 years, I believe).  She left family, a secure job (she hasn’t had one for several months now), and is living with this guy who she thinks will never propose (but she wants him to).

Personally I don’t think this is acceptable.  It’s one thing if both people don’t care about marriage, but if you truly want to get married, he should prove he is serious before you move and uproot your whole entire life.  I mean…you could move out there and the next day he could decide it’s not going to work out.  Where is that going to leave you?

It’s not like you just got together or are too young, I personally believe that after four years a guy had better know what he wants and make a move on it.

Post # 5
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@love108: Sit him down, and (calmly) tell him exactlly what you just told us:

“Marriage is important to me, and it is a deal breaker. I love you and want to marry you, and while I know that might not be tomorrow, or even next year, I need to have some sort of firm timeline from you before I commit to moving across the country”

 

Post # 6
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

After four years and the fact that you’re both on the paths to your careers, I think now is an acceptable time to start thinking about engagement!  I moved 500 miles away from my family and friends to be with my then-boyfriend.  We had been dating for about 2.5 years, I was 22, he was 23, and we knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  We had talked about marriage, knew we wanted to get married to each other, but weren’t engaged.  I waited 2 years for a proposal!  BUT I knew he was the one.  So while waiting was hard, knowing he was the one and that we would be on the same page in the long run, it was worth the wait.  He proposed October 2011, 2 years and 4 months after we moved across the state together and the same amount of time after I graduated from college.  We’re both in grad school, as well, and plan on getting married right before we both graduate. 

I think it’s smart that you’re giving him time to think it over.  I say revisit the topic in January and see where he’s at.

Post # 7
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think maybe he’s too young.

My Boyfriend or Best Friend was 32 before he proposed and we started dating when he was 28. If you are good together and moving in the direction of marriage – what’s the rush? I don’t get it.

Post # 9
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

@AllRosesandSunshine:  Just curious, why would his age have anything to do with it? Especially at 25? I know plenty of guys that were in their mid-late twenties when they proposed and got married… even early twenties.

Post # 10
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@sara_tiara: Exactly this.

I think that he needs to compromise here a bit.  It’s one thing to move in with someone, but it’s another thing to move away from your home without any guarantee.  And quite frankly if it was me and he wasn’t willing to compromise, that would be a deal breaker.

Post # 12
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@love108: Why are you not feeling comfortable? Are you worried he’s going to push it back, or not propose? That’s a reasonable way to feel, and you should tell him that. It is also possible he’s saying that to throw you off….my Fiance said ridiculous things to throw me off before we got engaged, because he knew I had a feeling it was coming, and it was really important to him to surprise me.

Not blaming you, but I really hate that whenever girls ask their SO for a timeline, etc we’re being pushy. It’s our future too, and we have a right to have SOME idea what’s going on!

Post # 13
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m just saying how is a ring going to make you feel more comfortable? You are moving in that direction and he has said he wants to be with you. IMO, I would not propose to someone I had not lived with yet – you know someone so much better when you live together – all their quirks and annoyances. I know not everyone feels this way but I firmly believe in playing house first.

And yes age plays a big part. People change a lot in their 20’s.

 

Post # 16
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you’re not feeling comfortable with that major change in your life (and you have every right to feel that way) – a ring isn’t going to change that, or at least it shouldn’t.

Engagements and marriages end allllll the time. Yes, its a next step, but its by no means an unbreakable guarantee either. 

The fact that he wants you there and wants to live with you is a sign he is ready for a major commitment. Take it one step at a time. And please don’t convince yourself that a ring will make moving and changing your life any less scary… because it won’t. You feeling good about your relationship will though!  I’ve been engaged for a while now, and we’ve been talking about moving to the midwest where his family lives, and its still a stressful thing to consider.

The topic ‘Need advice !’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors