- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2017
so a bit of back story…my SO and I were together for 6 years before. broke up for two and are now back together and stronger than ever. When we were together the first time, from day one, i never got along 100% with his group of friends from his home town. we had a mutual group of friends but these particular hometown friends just never took to me. I tried, i swear i did, but for whatever reason they just hated me because they blamed me for him not being around as often. He moved from a small town to chicago to be with me and our son. its about an hour drive to his hometown so naturally his visits were not very frequent. I never made him not go and it was not something that I really had any say in. He chose to visit when he felt the need to but they always took it as me being the problem and the reason their friend was gone.
In the time we were apart he rebuilt some of thsoe friendships, the ones that mattered. One friend in particular actually. They ended up being roomates while we werent together and all was well. Since we ahve been back together i have had no contact with his friend even though he still lives with him (technically). we are almost always at my house and so this isnt done on purpose but its just how its been. I have no ill will towards his friend and his friend has flat out said taht he is happy if my SO is happy and thats all that matters and that he would always respect me even if we werent ever friends. so even though we are civil we have a rocky past and neither of us has the desire to hang out as of yet. So this past weekend the roomates grandma died. that is who raised him so its like his mom basically. growing up my SO was close with his roomates family and considered them like an aunt and uncle sort of. So needless to say they are both affected by the loss of her.
here is where i come in and why i need advice. He texted me last night to tell me that the wake was friday and the funeral saturday morning. I asked if i was going and he said no because bryan (his roomate) will need him and his support and he kind of wants to be one on one with him. he also said he thought the funeral was not an appropriate place for me and bryan to make our first contact with each other given our history. I disagreed and thought it was a good way to show my support and show that the past is the past and that im thankful he was such a good friend to my SO. i can also see though where my SO is coming from so i was not fighting too much about going. BUT, it really bothers me that he would rather have his friends support than mine through this and that he doesnt want me around for such an event. He said its not that and that I am over reacting. I didnt throw a fit but it hurts me to think i am not the first person he turns to for support and that instead he thought of his friend before me. does that sound crazy? am i being over sensitive? i tend to be pretty laid back and stuff does not usually bother me like this but im really bothered by it this time and im not sure why. any opinions?