(Closed) Need advice…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

There are two big red flags that worry me, though. You say that all the friends you had are gone and now you only have friends you know through him … and it sounds like he’s making it pretty clear he’s not ready to marry you. Those are two big issues, and they don’t really bode well for this relationship. Think of it this way: best-case scenario, he proposes to you between now and January because you made an ultimatum … do you think you’ll have a long-lasting and happy marriage?

I’m not saying break up with him immediately. I do think, though, that it would be really smart on your part to reconnect with some of your old friends and start cultivating some of those relationships apart from the ones you have with this guy’s friends. You need those people in your life, no matter how things eventually turn out. I wish you well!

Post # 4
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Good heavens, girl, give the guy some breathing room to find his moment. Deliberately distancing yourself in order to teach him a lesson??? That’s not a sign of a healthy relationship, and if he figures out that you’re playing mind games with him, it’s only going to delay this further.

You’ve given him a timeline, so he understands how you feel about that. Now just enjoy your relationship and time with him and let it happen when it happens. I think he’s entitled to want to propose in a rush of feeling. It’s his proposal, too, and he probably has a sense of how he wants to feel while he’s proposing. The happier and more relaxed, and the more accessible, you are, the more likely he is to get that feeling. 

Post # 5
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Not knowing how old you are and all of that, but 2 years isnt a hugely long time to wait and some men need some time to figure out such a huge decision!

I would definately stop mentioning it, but distancing yourself from him really isn’t going to make him want to propose at all. Neither is putting an ultimatum on him.

I would work on yourself – you mention you have no friends of your own anymore… well why not join one of those social meet up groups? I am sure there is one near where you are. If not, take a class and meet people with similar interests. Or ask someone from work out for a drink. Making friends as an adult is hard, but mostly because we’ve stopped simply asking someone to be our friend!

Post # 6
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

Don’t distance yourself from him! This is childish for one, and for two, he might decide he likes it better! lol

Seriously, I think you need to take a deep breath and just chill out a little.

If you can’t do that, then plan some romantic dates, dinner, getaways to help him find that “feeling” that he’s looking for. And DON”T expect him to propose on the first one!

You need to show him that you are someone that he wants to spend the rest of his life enjoying his time with, NOT fighting with and playing stupid 6th grade games with. No man wants to marry that.

Also, find some hobbies. You don’t want to smother him.

Post # 7
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

Also, I just re-read your post and saw that you GAVE HIM AN ULTIMATUM!!

That was a terrible, stupid idea! You say you love him and want to be with him…but only until January at the latest unless he slaps a huge rock on your finger. How do you think that makes him feel?

You’re cheapening the idea of him proposing to you. Show him why he can’t live without you, don’t tell him when he can.

Post # 9
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@QueenofWeddings:  Glad you took everyone’s words to heart =) They gave really great advice. It’ll be hard to not bring up marriage but it’s really the best. Pressure will probably push him away. Good for you for reconnecting with your friend! Distracting yourself and filling up your time in other ways will help you not think so much about this. Have faith that it’ll all work out no matter what happens.

Post # 10
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@QueenofWeddings:  To be honest, I would be distancing myself too.  If your guy is “waiting for a feeling”, that tells me that he’s not sure you are the one for him, and nothing you do or not do will change that.  In my last relationship, my ex told me (and others) that he was “waiting for a feeling”.  I had a personal ultimatum (not sure if he knew it or not) and the relationship never came to the point where I had to follow up on it since we broke up months before the “deadline” passed.

Do be kind to yourself, catch up with old friends, go to the spa.  Go to the gym, buy some new clothes.  Your fellow might figure it out, but then again he might not.  And it’s OK, because whatever happens will end up being the right thing for you.

Post # 11
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

OP I totally agree with AniseYour man should not be relying on a feeling…to propose….also if you don’t know in 2 yrs you want to marry someone then you will never know.

Sorry don’t mean to sound harsh, but I think he’s just playing with your heart and emotions.

 

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