(Closed) Need advice

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I made time for my friends, even when I was marathon training!  My race was out of town for me, so I met up with a good friend who lives in the town where my marathon was for dinner the night before the race.  Even though I had to get up before dawn and prepare to run 26.2 miles, this person is important to me and the little time we do spend together is precious. 

If you’re the only one putting in any effort and it isn’t being reciprocated, then I’d let it go.  Maybe, down the road, if she wants to spend time together or catch up, then sure- go grab a coffee or whatever.  It isn’t fair to be the only one trying :/

Post # 5
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I second DaneLady… if she is giving you reasons why she can’t hang out and isn’t responding to your messages, I think she might be trying to end the friendship. In the proper etiquette world of Miss Manners, this is exactly the “polite” way of going about distancing yourself from someone. I’d try to focus on other things and maybe spend more time with other friends to distract yourself from this one.

She hasn’t given you a real reason for her behavior but maybe she’s just trying to be kind and spare your feelings. Or, maybe she’s just obsessed with running and doesn’t want to spend time with anyone who isn’t! (I lost a good friend to swimming! I hate cold water and she didn’t want to hang out unless we were going to the YMCA pool. Ugh)

Post # 7
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would not ‘let it go’ quite yet.  I have had periods with many friends where I felt this one-sided friendship, or when I have felt ‘judged’ because I made a different decision, or when I felt ignored or hurt, etc.  After thinking those situations thru, and believing a friendship of that nature was important to me (esp with her being your MOH), I have always reached out with a letter.  I am a terrible face-to-face talked when it comes to emotions, and so paper was always better for me!

Out of ALL those times, a friendship has gotten back on track.  Maybe she is just preoccupied.  Maybe she has feelings toward you that she has not vocalized, etc.  Maybe, just maybe, she does not see the value of your friendship, and wants it to end (which would be sad)!  However, it is worth *trying* to figure it out/talk it out/what have you before deciding to let it go, in my opinion.

I feel friendships ebb and flow.  I can feel so close to someone at one point, and so distant at others, but at the end of the day (or a very long conversation), I realize that they are/were/will be an important friend in my life – even when life changes for me or them…

I hope it works out for you!!

Post # 11
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

let her come to you. I’ve cut friends out for this reason – literally just stopped trying to make plans and they just faded away. I’m not missing out on anything in my opinion. Friendships are a 2-way street.

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