(Closed) Need advice

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

…my advice is stop worrying about all of the things listed above, find something cute to wear, get your nails done and look forward with a positive attitude and excitement!  No matter what you do or he does, you only get one shot at this, so whatever happens is what happened…be in the moment and stop anticipating all of the stuff…putting the cart before the horse ends with you going the wrong way.

Post # 4
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

First- relax and take a deep breath.  Take things one step at a time!  Don’t make any decisions right after your proposal since you’ll probably be a bit emotional.

DO NOT CHOOSE BRIDESMAIDS RIGHT AWAY!  A quick search of the boards and you’ll find more Bridesmaid or Best Man drama than you can handle.  People who chose their BMs too early, some added extra people for the sake of even sides, others ‘demoted’ or ‘fired’ BMs because they chose hastily and had since changed their minds.  JUST WAIT!!!!  And uneven sides will NOT make your marriag invalid πŸ™‚

Whew.  Ok.  You’ll want to start with a budget and a rough draft guest list.  Then, prioritize what things are important to you, and what things are important to your Fiance.  Some people NEED a designer ballgown, other brides couldn’t care less about flowers and centerpieces.  Make a list of the things you can’t compromise on, and a list of things that are less important to you.

I’d get started that way, then kind of see where things fall.  There’s no rush to set a date, book a venue (though most book a year out, so don’t wait toooo long), or select a wedding party.  People will ask you a million questions about your decisions, but you can just tell them that you’re enjoying being engaged at the moment and will make wedding related decisions later.

PS- early congrats on the engagement πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

Don’t worry! 

My husband and I hate party planning and were kinda worried too.. but then you know what? Your wedding is just yours, and this is your chance to plan something made just for you! I am sure not everybody loved my wedding but nobody gave me negative comments so what I don’t know can’t make me upset πŸ™‚

Our wedding was a small one (around 70 guests) so we didn’t feel the need to hire a wedding planner, but my parents helped us out a lot (looking for venues, booking hotels for out o town guests etc). We did some DYI projects (save the dates, booklets.. we did something every other evening after dinner instead of watching tv) and overall we were really happy.

I know what you mean about bridsmaids. I think that your friends should be honored that you thinked of them for your special day.. being bridesmaid or moh is not that different imo. PErhaps if you have a sister with whom you are in good terms you can pick her as a moh.. usually nobody gets upset for people picking family members. 

I am not a huge party person. My friends know that, and the partied that threw for me matched my personality. I am sure your friends will do the same πŸ™‚

Also, in a way it’s a good think that you worry: it means that you care and want your wedding to be enjoyable for everyone.

Post # 7
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

Just going to second what Nona99 said! I’ve heard so many stories where people don’t even remember what was said at their proposal because in the moment, you get caught up. Go get your nails done, get a cute outfit, and get excited! Enjoy that you’re going to be engaged and let the stress come later.

Post # 8
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My advice– spend 2 hours talking to your Fiance before you plan anything or talk about plans. Figure out the biggies– church wedding or not, where (as in what city/area), how  big (we drafted a rough guest list to get an idea), when, and how much you can afford yourselves. Then talk to your parents to get a sense of if your vision will work and if they can contribute. It is vital to be on the same page before people start promising invites or get ideas in their heads.

Then get on the same page about what you want out of wedding planning. Fiance wanted low stress. We agreed that we weren’t going for perfect, we were going with “good enough”. If I felt comfortable with a vendor, I would book and no longer search. Fiance and my mom wanted to be consulted on all decisions, but not involved in going to meetings. They just wanted it to be done in a way that met my desires.

Then, draft a guest list before you find a venue. Send it to your parents for comment. Then draft a budget and select possible dates. Confirm the dates with your parents.

Only after that is done, start finding venues. Our church books up really early, so that was the first hurdle. Then we needed to find a reception venue close by. After those were booked, I went on Wedding Wire and went through the checklist to make sure I got everything done and found good venues.

Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

There is a formula to determine attendants….. it’s one “set” (groomsman / bridesmaid) for each 50 guests.  So if you are going to have 5 bridesmaids…. you would be looking at 250 guests.

 

You just want to prioritize.  What are the elements that are important to you both in a wedding?  Start there and then you will see that it takes shape.

 

Congrats!!!!!

Post # 10
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Take a deep breath!  Try to enjoy each moment as it comes vs. trying to plan every moment from here til the wedding!

For starters:  think about the man you are dating and how he makes you feel and why you want to spend your life with him.  If you focus on those things, the details (ring, how he will propose, etc) don’t matter.  Even if you say something stupid, chances are – he’s not going to care – because in the big picture is he wants to spend his life with you and you with him.  Neither of you are going to do things perfect all the time… and will have to give each other grace and room to be less than perfect. πŸ™‚

As far as wedding planning, your soon to be Fiance may have some input and both of you will start discussing elements that are important to each of you.  I’d suggest starting with a budget first and/or guest list, so you have an idea of how big or small of an event you will be throwing.  The hive is great resource for both ideas and feedback – so, use it!

re: Bridesmaids – you don’t HAVE to have a bridal party if it’s too stressful to even pick!  If you decide you want it – I’d recomment taking your time and not feeling any pressure to pick them immediately.  You could also have 2 MOH’s, if you really wanted, or none at all!

re: bachelorette – if anyone ends up throwing one for you, you can have say in what you want!  Afterall, the party is for YOU and the hosts will want you to enjoy yourself (vs. being miserable).  Just communicate your desires – I’d come up with a few ideas of things you’d like to do instead and then leave it in their hands.  I’d also be specific with things you do NOT want.

 

Post # 11
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Pollywog:  Oh yeah, one more thing. In talking to your soon-to-be-FI you may learn he already has your wedding planned out in your head and/or strong opinions. I was thinking we would get married in FI’s hometown church, he flat out rejected it and said it was my grad school chapel or the church where we live (I was totally shocked he would want to get married at MY school). He also had picked out the bridal party (and not with who I would guess), had strong opinions on the reception venue, the food, and the guest list. Based on his vision and my vision we were able to narrow down everything else easily.

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