(Closed) Need advice

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You need more time. Please do not go on that site and lead a girl on, only to drop her at the thought of your ex. Find a hobby you enjoy, spend time with friends, go to the gym, start writing down your daily events; anything to keep your mind occupied.

Post # 5
Member
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

Im so sorry! I agree that you should definitely take more time. I know it sucks to be alone, but if you’re still thinking about her as you are, starting any kind of new relationship will probably be a catastrophe on all fronts. Just take it one day at a time and as KKG said, find something to do to occupy your time!

Post # 6
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

You definitely need more time! I know exactly what you’re going through because I went through pretty much the same thing in April 2012. Mine was a little different – the breakup was mutual – but still so painful. I think everyone is different on how much time they need, but I would definitely not try dating again until you are 100% ready to move on and find someone new to love. It’s natural to still have feelings for your ex, especially when the trauma of the breakup is so recent.

Some suggestions, based on what helped me during my breakup:

  • Find some things to do that are just for you – whether it’s painting, exercising, taking long walks, reading, etc. Just something you enjoy doing that is ONLY for you.
  • Lean on your friends. Even when you don’t want to get out of the house, go anyway. Ask them to go out for ice cream or rent movies and stay in. Lean on your friends, lean on your family if you can.
  • Consider seeing a therapist or counselor. This is something that is not for everyone, but it’s been one of the MOST beneficial things for me. Not only did she help me sort out my feelings post-breakup, but I was also able to start working on other issues that existed long before my relationship came to an end.

If you need to talk or vent, please feel free to PM me. I’ve been there, and I can report that it is possible to get through it and be happy again. It will just take time. I know that’s hard to hear now, because you want the pain gone NOW, but it’s just how things are. *hug*

Post # 7
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Packers12:  I understand, I went though a similar thing with my Fiance. 5 years into us, he left. Thankfully we communicated and got back together; so that is possible. I personally went to councelling a few times, he put things into perspective for me. Are you still communicating with her? If so, maybe it is time to cut that off.  Do you have alot of her things still in your home? You might want to do some early spring cleaning. Please remember that going out and dating/sleeping with other people will NOT heal you of any pain.

Post # 8
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I posted this on the other thread you started…but I have to add. I don’t know when it will end, but it will. Sometimes just knowing that at some point things will get better seems to help. For me my breakups went like this:

  • Month 1- seering, continual pain. Extreme emtions–very very sad, very very angry, very very weepy, lots and lots of self pity and ice cream. Hard to do anything, even things that would distract me.
  • Month 2&3- things are looking up, not quite as constant. I can do things to distract myself, but quiet times are still painful. Still think about it several times a day. Still lots of ice cream
  • Month 4-6– I can actually function and go for several days without thinking about it. But when I least expect it, out of the blue–bam–like a train the seering pain is still there.
  • Month 7-12– I can put it in perspective now. I have twinges of pain, but mostly I’ve moved on.

this is what I put on your other thread:

I know it’s hard, but you have to learn how to just sit with the pain. It’s unrealistic to think you can just date away the pain. Even if you do find someone, the only thing you will do is postone the pain and hurt someone else in the process.

Cry when you need to, moan when you need to, eat ice cream when you need to, even have a few drinks when you need to, but do everything in moderation.

Take time to learn about yourself. Figure out what went right and what went wrong in your relationship. Figure out how to do it better next time. Maybe even go to therapy to help you process the emotions.

While you are waiting for the pain to go away (and it will unless you obsess about the breakup all the time), do some activities that keep your mind busy–take a class, volunteer, join a sports club, take up a new hobby, go out with friends. Do things that make you feel more like yourself or a better version of  yourself.

Good luck you will get through this and be a better strong person for it!

Post # 9
Member
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@Packers12:  You need to get up, get out and DO SOMETHING. Do not sit around wallowing. Even just a walk helps. But go out with friends. Have some drinks. Work out. Don’t allow yourself the freedom to sit around and cry for an entire weekend.

Post # 12
Member
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Packers12:  Sorry about the breakup, you def need some time alone before you can give someone else the chance to know you.  Obvioulsy you were ready for thigs that she wasnt, just try to be alone now and in other words “do you” go out, go for walks or gym or just hang out with friends..its gonna take time to get over your ex, but you will and you will find someone that wants the same things that you do, you’ll see…GL and best wishes.

Post # 14
Member
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Packers12:  wow and she ended it just like that? ermm that’s odd, i mean who does that? the only thing i can tell you it’s to stop thinking it was your fault and that you caused her changing of mind….who knows? not to be harsh, but maybe she met someone else or if she is still young, just wants to enjoy her youth and be free…anyway, you can sit and try to analize it and feel sorry for yourself or you can get up, get out and start living again.  Life doesn’t end when someone break out with one, she lost a chance to be with someone who really cared.

Post # 15
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Based on her behavior, this wasn’t about you. Her need to be engaged wasn’t because she wanted to be with *you*. You were just there at the right time to fulfill her desire to “be married”. (Because, you know, marriage solves all problems and takes away all your internal strife).

Once she realized the magnitude of ‘forever’, she freaked and had to bail. Again, not about you.

So what can you learn from this? 

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