(Closed) Need advice!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@junebride82:  ugh! I would be upset. And I am pretty laid back about friend stuff generally. She doesn’t sound like a close friend. I would probably just phase her out of my life. No need to have a big discussion. She isn’t worth it. Who doesn’t commit to going to your good friend’s wedding?!

Unless, is it a destination wedding for her? That is a little trickier, but she should at least throw some exclamations in her response. Like, “of course I’ll try to make it! Let me see what I can do and let you know ASAP! Congratulations!” See? She couldn’t even go through that effort. How is she as a friend otherwise?

Post # 4
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I understand how that can make you upset, but at the same time it is her money and her vacation time. Maybe when you first asked her, she didn’t know if she’d be able to work her schedule to accommodate your wedding. Now that it’s closer, it could be easier to work the schedule. Also, you were a great friend for making time and spending the money for her wedding, but nobody forced you to do it. It was your choice, and it should have been made without any consideration of being repaid in kind. 

It sucks. I get that. It really stinks that she isn’t being the same friend to you as you are to her. However, it’s something that you either just have to accept, or you can make the choice to stop being as close with her as you have been in the past. 

Post # 5
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

She isn’t really a friend, she obviously cares only about herself and doesnt care about your feelings, don’t let her ruin your day or for that matter any day after that, she isn’t worth your friendship or your time, I would totally cut all kinds of communication with her at this point.

 

Post # 6
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@HisMoon:  +1. My thoughts exactly.

Post # 9
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Like PPs said, it is her money. I can see why you would feel hurt and upset, but I think this is a battle you should let go. Perhaps she didn’t want to committ to helping or something and didn’t know how to tell you, as insensitive as that sounds?

I’d let it go.

Post # 12
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You have really only two choices:

1. Accept that your friend has expensive tastes and puts herself first; accept it like we accept any other personality flaw in our friends, such as the close friend who gossips, the friend who gets too loud when drinking, the friend who brings constant drama, or the friend who is always late.  This is who she is, at her core, and it’s no reflection on you, any more than a friend who is late for everything is showing you that she doesn’t value your friendship when she leaves you waiting on a cold rainy night when she’s promised you a ride from the airport.  Maintain your relationship, and build future activities with that fact in mind (just like how we all have a friend who we’ll tell our flight lands at 9:00 when it really lands at 8:45)

2. Acknowledge that this disparity in values in regards to money is a deal-breaker in the relationship, and move on

Only you can decide if the benefits of staying friends with this person outweigh the negatives of having to deal with her relationship with money.  If you want to go with Option 1, you’ll have to learn how to not equate money (and how people choose to spend it) with the value they place on your relationships, which can be very difficult to do. But you will not be able to stay friends with this person unless you can get past it; you’ll constantly be looking at the disparities in your spending styles and feeling bitter and undervalued.

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