(Closed) Need advice :(

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Maybe he needed a girls perspective? Sometimes I ask some of my guy friends for a guys point of view just because I feel like I might not be “getting” something. 

I wouldn’t read that much into it personally, but if it is something that rubs you the wrong way then you have to go with your gut. 

Post # 4
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@louloubelle84:  in my opinion no you’re not I’d feel the Same way but if he said he’s sorry and he would stop talking to her just drop it but if it happens again ehhhhh… I would be suspicious ..at least he didn’t lie to you when you asked & I know it’s hard to wait for the question but if I learned anything from men is they do not do well when pressured especially about big life changes so just give him time you want him to ask you because he wants to not because he feels like he has to ! 

Post # 5
Member
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

It seems weird to me that he needed another girl (who it doesn’t sound like you know) to talk about his engagement plans. It’s even more weird that he looked for someone who wasn’t nearby so that he wouldn’t become tempted. Maybe he should have thought that if it was possible to be tempted, maybe it’s not a good idea to talk to another girl about it at all?

Not to mention that you don’t have to be physically close to have an emotional affair…

Post # 6
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@louloubelle84:  he chose her because he knew nothing would happen?  His reasons for communicating with her seem odd.  How often did it seem like they were talking?

As for overreacting – I’d be feeling the same way, so i don’t think you are overreacting.  But, you won’t always feel this upset about it either.  

The bigger picture is you want to get married and he’s not ready.  Regardless of if there was something inappropriate with the girl or not, you have to figure out if you want to continue to invest into a relationship with someone that isn’t ready to commit after 3 years.  Just out of curiosity – did he say why he wasn’t ready?  And, when you would talk about marriage at other times, what did he say about it?

Post # 8
Member
8169 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@louloubelle84:  “He said if I had read more of the conversation, I would have seen that he was talking about engagement plans for me.” — Call his bluff. Look at the rest of the conversation and see what it says. If it’s been deleted, well…. that would be telling. Even if that IS what they were talking about, I still wouldn’t be ok with it. Why can’t he talk to a guy friend about it, or a mutual friend, or someone you’d at least heard of before? When something seems fishy, it usually is.

Post # 9
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@louloubelle84:  Has other stuff happened in the past that has lead to potential mistrust?  and/or do you have trust issues from other relationships (that he would be sensitive to)? 

I’m with @Daisy_Mae:  I’d be trying to figure out a way to fact check, if I was that suspicious.

Post # 11
Member
9114 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Trust issues or not, your boyfriend is allowed to have friends.

More importantly, he is allowed to have female friends that he can talk to whenever he wants.

You have no proof that anything inappropriate was said or done, you said this yourself. So why is it such a big deal that he is talking to someone? Chances are you’d be outraged if he told you that you couldn’t talk as often to one of your friends, right?

I don’t see how her gender has any matter in this. Just because she has a vagina does not mean your boyfriend is going to lust after it. If you don’t trust him, that’s an issue you need to work through despite your claims that nothing is going on. If you can’t trust him, maybe marriage should be the least of your worries?

 

Post # 13
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@louloubelle84:  Well, then consider this a perfect opportunity to talk about expectations of relationships with the opposite sex at this stage of your relationship.  Perhaps your Boyfriend or Best Friend has a high need to maintain relationships with his female friends, who knows – but you won’t know until you talk about it some more.  The more you can talk about it now (and define expectations and come up with compromises that work) the better off you will be down the road.  

Post # 14
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

Some of my fiance’s closest friends are women. It doesnt bother me at all. Some of my closest friends are males, and some of them I dated in the past! It doesnt bother him either.It really bothers me when women get all stuffy about men having friends of the opposite sex. Grown ups can see beyond boobs and butts and have real honest friendships.

Post # 16
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t know. Something just seems “off”. Reading this just makes my gut feel weird. I guess the part that bothers me is he chose someone in a far state so that no way something could happen??? so he knew he would be tempted if she were closer home??? And I understand having female friends, I get it and im not the jealous type but I think he could’ve turned to other friends. Sorry 🙁 your initial gut made you feel weird. Go with it. 

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