Post # 1
long time lurker And I see they you ladies give good advice.
Here is the issue: I (25) want to start ttc in Febuary;My husband (27)wants to wait 2years.
My side is we have been together 3 years, we have a house, I have a new job that I start in January( the field I’m in you don’t get maternity leave or any paid vacation/sick time) I feel we are stable and ready.
His side is that if we wait one of the cars will be fully paid off and most if not all of our other debt will be gone. And that is the only reason he gives as to why he wants to wait.
I have said that I would wait until after our 2 year annavirsery but he absolutely will not budge. I don’t think it fair for me to have to wait that long or for him to give in. I feel like there should be some sort of compromise but he wont budge and I have no clue what to do anymore.
When we had talked about kids in the past, before marriage, we agreed around our two year annivesery. But he seems to have changed his mind.
Any advice would greatly be appriciated.
Post # 2
You could compromise and wait one year. If he wants to wait until you have the cars paid off and the debt gone and his number is two years, then why not start trying in say 15 months? Then by the time you had the baby the debt and cars would be paid. So he gets the 2 years until you birth your child, but you don’t have to wait 2 years to just start trying.
Post # 3
Mrs_Davis2016: I have suggests that before. He said I won’t start even thinking about trying untill the car is gone and the debt it on its last payment. Ugh I suppose this was more of a vent than anything else because I know it will just end up being his way, like always. 😒 Thanks for the advice though
Post # 4
babyfever2015: I had to wait a year and I’m 29. I’m glad we waited and had the time to enjoy our marriage. Now my husband feels ready and I wouldn’t want him to try when he’s not 100% there.
Post # 5
I think it’s smart to pay off debt before having kids, honestly. Not including the mortgage maybe, but debt on depreciating assets. I say this because kids are born every day with special needs that surpass what even the best insurance covers. Pregnant women have difficulties and have to quit their jobs or struggle with complications.
I’m sad that you said it’s “his way, like always”… is this just one of many things that he refuses to compromise on? What if you agreed to $x in the bank in case of “what ifs”? Or maybe talk more about what he needs to feel financially secure. Some people don’t really care if they’re in debt. Other people get anxiety over it.
Post # 6
babyfever2015: I agree that clearing up debt it a good idea, but something will always pop up. I would ask him what he would like to focus on most and come to a compromise–like starting after the car is paid off or if CC is more important working on getting that out of the way first. You are going to need to learn to compromise as parents so time to start now 🙂
Post # 7
We had our first daughter at age 20, then our second daughter at age 22, and our 3 yr old son at age 26. Me and the hubby are both 29 now, and had a scare with my iud coming out so who knows, we may have one last little one in the works. I’m also a full time nursing student, and I work at a hospital. Id say its nice that hes trying to make sure you guys are financially prepared, but at the same time, I believe that having children doesnt stop you from doing the things you want/need to do in life. You guys will still get your debt paid down, and pay your car off regardless if you have a new lil member added to the family or not. Hopefully he’ll come to some sort of compromise though.