(Closed) Need advice about a bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@WeddingBee29:  Is the only reason you want her out because she was happy to have other plans to go to? If yes, then I would say give it time. She may have made a nice big fuss just to make it so you didn’t feel bad about cancelling. Like “OH! It works out anyways, because another friend is doing this.”  Not in greatest taste, but I could see it being motivated for positive reasons. As for the work thing, I mean…it’s work….again, not great behaviour, but not a fireable offense In My Humble Opinion.

Has she done anything to offend you? Or given you other reasons to think she is not happy for you?

I had a bm that was super jealous and literally put down every decision I made. I complained to Darling Husband even. I ended up not coming to her for advice, but on my wedding day she was AMAZING and supportive and made sure everything was organized.  Absolutely irreplaceable and awesome. You just have to take some things with a grain of salt.

Post # 4
Member
8430 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If the only reason is because she didn’t participate to your standard in the bridal shower than yes it woudl be wrong to take her out of the wedding party. Just because someone isn’t into the planning parties or wedding planning doesn’t mean they aren’t supportive of your marriage and excited for your marriage.

Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would talk to her. See where her head is. I actually kicked someone out of my bridal party. But, it was after talking to her about what is going on. Sometimes people just have a bad taste in their mouths about weddings. It might not be that she wants to be your friend and support you but it might be something deep down thats making her react that way.

For me, I realized it was more important to fix my friendship with my friend than to have her as my bridesmaid. Weddings put undue stress on friendships and ours was already halfway broken. I told her “You don’t have to be my bridesmaid to be my friend.”

This article helped me:

http://www.bridalguide.com/etiquette/family-friends-and-guests/how-to-handle-difficult-bridesmaids?page=0,0

Good Luck!

Post # 8
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@j_jaye:  <– This

OP, it’s ok to be bummed she doesn’t want to be more invovled and isn’t more excited.  But it would definitely be wrong to kick her out because of it.  You have to remember that no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you.  And just because she hasn’t hepled plan a shower and wasn’t super enthusiastic about attending it doesn’t mean she doesn’t support your marriage nor does it mean she doesn’t care about you.  Some people also just aren’t into the whole wedding hoopla.  I mean, I love my friends to death, but let’s be honest, watching someone open presents for an hour isn’t exactly the most fun and exciting thing in the world.

Also, it’s improtant to remember that kicking someone out of the Wedding Party is a huge public slight and a friendship ending move.  Do you really want to end your friendship?  Unless she’s tried to break up you and your Fiance, tried to sleep with your Fiance, threatened you, or something equally terrible, there’s no way to kick her without looking like a major b*tch.

 

Oh!  I just had one more thought!  Have you talked to her about what’s going on in her life lately?  If she’s so anxious to hang out with these other friends, I’m wondering if one is a guy she has a crush on.  Just a possibility.

Good luck and I hopey you’re able to work it out!

Post # 9
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You shouldn’t pick the people you think will do the most for you, you should pick your closest friends.

This sounds like a minor issue.  If she had tried to sleep with your Fiance, then you would have bridesmaid problems.

Post # 10
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I guess you have to ask yourself how much her friendship matters to you outside of your wedding– Since you’ve already asked her, you will almost certainly offend her by asking her to leave your wedding party (a pretty embarassing thing for some people) my sister actually did this with one of her bride’smaids, and the two of them are no longer friends as a result. 

It was a similar situatoin though, every time there was a wedding event or task, she had a million excuses about why she couldn’t help, and when she told my sister that she wouldn’t be at the rehearsal, and “should” be on time for the wedding, it was finally the last straw and my sister asked her to step aside. 

It sucks– but in the end it was the right decision for her because it helped her realize the woman wasn’t a good friend in the first place. 

Post # 12
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes but just because you didthings in other weddings a certain way doesn’t mean your bridesmaids will do the same things for you.

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