Post # 1
I need advice on what to do about a bridesmaid. I am debating on whether I want this girl beside me on my wedding day. Here’s why. My maid of honor and other bridesmaid had planned a bridal shower for me. I ended up needing to cancel it because of a family emergency. When I told this bridesmaid she was excited I was cancelling it so she could go do something else other than having to come. My work friends also decided to throw me a shower. The bridesmaid actually works with me also. She was supposed to help other work friends set up for the shower but she never did. She showed up, stayed long enough to get her food and eat and then left to go hang out with othER friends. I have debated over whether I even want her there on my wedding day as a bridesmaid. I want people standing beside me that are happy for me and excited to be there. Is it wrong of me to want to take her out of the wedding?
Post # 3
@WeddingBee29: Is the only reason you want her out because she was happy to have other plans to go to? If yes, then I would say give it time. She may have made a nice big fuss just to make it so you didn’t feel bad about cancelling. Like “OH! It works out anyways, because another friend is doing this.” Not in greatest taste, but I could see it being motivated for positive reasons. As for the work thing, I mean…it’s work….again, not great behaviour, but not a fireable offense In My Humble Opinion.
Has she done anything to offend you? Or given you other reasons to think she is not happy for you?
I had a bm that was super jealous and literally put down every decision I made. I complained to Darling Husband even. I ended up not coming to her for advice, but on my wedding day she was AMAZING and supportive and made sure everything was organized. Absolutely irreplaceable and awesome. You just have to take some things with a grain of salt.
Post # 4
If the only reason is because she didn’t participate to your standard in the bridal shower than yes it woudl be wrong to take her out of the wedding party. Just because someone isn’t into the planning parties or wedding planning doesn’t mean they aren’t supportive of your marriage and excited for your marriage.
Post # 5
I guess the reason it upset me so much is because I picked her to be my bridesmaid over other people I should have put in it. Those that I should have Put in it are doing more for me than the one in it. It isn’t really a big deal. I think I just got my feelings hurt from a friends point of view. I would never leave a friend like that on something that’s important to them unless I just had somewhere I had to go.
Post # 6
Somewhere important that is. Not the mall to hang out with friends. That can happen any time.
Post # 7
I would talk to her. See where her head is. I actually kicked someone out of my bridal party. But, it was after talking to her about what is going on. Sometimes people just have a bad taste in their mouths about weddings. It might not be that she wants to be your friend and support you but it might be something deep down thats making her react that way.
For me, I realized it was more important to fix my friendship with my friend than to have her as my bridesmaid. Weddings put undue stress on friendships and ours was already halfway broken. I told her “You don’t have to be my bridesmaid to be my friend.”
This article helped me:
Post # 8
@j_jaye: <– This
OP, it’s ok to be bummed she doesn’t want to be more invovled and isn’t more excited. But it would definitely be wrong to kick her out because of it. You have to remember that no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you. And just because she hasn’t hepled plan a shower and wasn’t super enthusiastic about attending it doesn’t mean she doesn’t support your marriage nor does it mean she doesn’t care about you. Some people also just aren’t into the whole wedding hoopla. I mean, I love my friends to death, but let’s be honest, watching someone open presents for an hour isn’t exactly the most fun and exciting thing in the world.
Also, it’s improtant to remember that kicking someone out of the Wedding Party is a huge public slight and a friendship ending move. Do you really want to end your friendship? Unless she’s tried to break up you and your Fiance, tried to sleep with your Fiance, threatened you, or something equally terrible, there’s no way to kick her without looking like a major b*tch.
Oh! I just had one more thought! Have you talked to her about what’s going on in her life lately? If she’s so anxious to hang out with these other friends, I’m wondering if one is a guy she has a crush on. Just a possibility.
Good luck and I hopey you’re able to work it out!
Post # 9
You shouldn’t pick the people you think will do the most for you, you should pick your closest friends.
This sounds like a minor issue. If she had tried to sleep with your Fiance, then you would have bridesmaid problems.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I guess you have to ask yourself how much her friendship matters to you outside of your wedding– Since you’ve already asked her, you will almost certainly offend her by asking her to leave your wedding party (a pretty embarassing thing for some people) my sister actually did this with one of her bride’smaids, and the two of them are no longer friends as a result.
It was a similar situatoin though, every time there was a wedding event or task, she had a million excuses about why she couldn’t help, and when she told my sister that she wouldn’t be at the rehearsal, and “should” be on time for the wedding, it was finally the last straw and my sister asked her to step aside.
It sucks– but in the end it was the right decision for her because it helped her realize the woman wasn’t a good friend in the first place.
Post # 11
I agree that it’s probably crazy to think about kicking her out for that reason. I guess I look at things different. I have been a bridesmaid in a couple ofweddings and it involved a lot of stoff I didn’t want to do. I did it anyways though because I cherish my friends and if they think enough of me to ask me to be in the wedding then the least I can do is help out and be there for them.
Post # 12
Yes but just because you didthings in other weddings a certain way doesn’t mean your bridesmaids will do the same things for you.