Post # 1
So my Fiance and I are having a private ceremony in the city where it will be just the two of us and two witnesses our officiant is providing. Currently, no one close to us knows that we are even getting married, let alone like this.
I think that people will be mostly supportive, but we are still going to wait until after we have actually tied the knot to tell most people (I am going to tell my employers beforehand and FI’s boss already knows, but other than that…) The problem is, I have no idea how we’re going to do this. We are having our ceremony in the evening, but early enough in the evening that afterward we could call people to announce that we had gotten married. Most of our family and friends are in the city so we could possibly even get together with some of them that evening to celebrate. But how do we do this in a way that’s not horribly awkward? I just imagine people not knowing what to say and maybe feeling upset initially and not very many people wanting to go out and celebrate with us. Additionally, how should we announce our marriage to those who do not live close?
I need all the help I can get here, bees!
Post # 3
Is there a reason you aren’t telling people you’re getting married? If someone called me out of the blue and said they just got married, I’d probably think it was a joke. Once I realized it wasn’t a joke, I’d be upset that you didn’t include me.
You could send a wedding announcement to the people who don’t live close just to let them know. Most stationary sites will have a design for them and you can personalize them with a photo from your ceremony, maybe!
Post # 4
I agree with @abbie017. Is there a reason why you don’t want to tell your close family and friends before hand? If you think they’ll be supportive if you call them right after you tie the knot, I’m sure they’d be supportive beforehand too!
If you still prefer not to tell them, I would invite everyone to a dinner that evening a few weeks beforehand. Maybe send invites or call everyone personally so that they know their attendance is important to you. Don’t be surprised if people can’t make it though – since they don’t know it’s your wedding celebration, you can’t hold it against them. I also wouldn’t be surprised if not everyone is ecstatic immediately after your announcement.
For the out of towners, I agree a wedding announcement in the mail or a video online would be a fun announcement.
Post # 5
The reason we’re not telling people beforehand is because we didn’t want them to try to turn it into something we didn’t want it to be. We figured the drama would be worse beforehand than after we’d already gotten married. There are a lot of issues with both of our families which we just weren’t interested in having be a part of our day.
We’re pretty private people which most of those close to us realize already. I don’t think it will come as a huge surprise to them that we didn’t want a big wedding, but I think that that’s the norm and so people take it really personally when a couple doesn’t invite everyone under the sun.
I think we will just try to invite people to get together a little in advance but not disclose any particular reason, and then maybe make a video for those unable to attend.
Post # 6
@florence: I think that sounds like a good plan! 🙂