(Closed) Need Advice About Eloping! VERY LONG

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Perhaps pick to have a small wedding a few hours from where you guys live. There were a lot of people I didn’t want to have to feel obligated to invite, so we decided on a semi-DW (4.5 hours away).  All of our immediate family and important people are coming, but people we hardly know/didn’t want there aren’t invited.  When they ask, we just tell them it’s an intimate affair and leave it at that.  You can also have a small wedding in the town you live in, but I chose the 4.5 hours away because there are some pushy relatives that would’ve shown up anyway had I had the wedding closer.

Post # 4
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 1997

Have the ceremony that will make you and Jay the happiest. The ceremony is about the union of two people, not anyone else. I honestly wish more couples would have the ceremony they want and not buckle under to family pressure. If you want to have a small intimate ceremony with only his and your closest relatives then do it. But if you want to do a “destination ceremony” to say SF then arrange it so you can drive, fly or sail there and have the elopement of your dreams. Do what is right for you. 

Post # 5
556 posts
Busy bee

elope and have who you truly want.

who are these people? where do you want to be married and where do you want to celebrate?

then later maybe your dad can host an at-home reception for his huge family + everyone else.

i have a huge family too and im thinking about how to do this.

i want to have 20 people max for an intimate wedding: parents, siblings, best friends, and 3 sets of aunts/uncles i adore. 10 guests for him, 10 for me. that’s it.

a couple weeks later, announcing it on fb with pics + “we eloped! please join us for a dinner to celebrate!” and doing like a super informal bbq + game night to which my mother will invite 100000 people. 

i have a friend who didnt announce her beach elopement with words at all–just uploaded pics on fb that randomly popped up on my screen. i thought that was cool.

Post # 6
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Can you “elope” but invite your mom, etc. to come with you & then have the dinner afterwards? Or could you perhaps include your mom as one of the witnesses (I assume you have to have two)? Or perhaps you could stream a video of the ceremony live? Or just record it & give it to your mom?

Post # 8
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

So happy for you!!! Sounds like a great idea!

Post # 9
13 posts

@Melissaah: I would just like to say you’re not alone. I live on the other side of the world and have the exact same issue 100% Italian and my parents recently divorced and I don’t speak thint dads side. I think I’m going to do the same. Private wedding just us two. I could be wrong but weddings are about the union of two people who love each other. No large sum of money, big party or ceremony will enhance that. My mum is now saying she wants to be there. I felt sad and guilty at first but theN again the only time I feel truly happy about “the wedding” is when it’s me and my man. Every other senario makes me tense and upset. You can’t please everyone. Our parents had their day now it’s our turn. good luck with it all!!

Post # 12
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would secretly tell your grandma (and any other guests you really want there who would need to plan ahead) that you are planning on having a really small wedding with just say 10 people so it’s almsot like eloping, while still telling everybody else that you are still thinking about plans. Then the tuesday before the wedding say, “alright, if you can make it the wedding is saturday. See ya there!”

Post # 13
16 posts
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would go for the smaller wedding.  I feel the exact same way about dumping a bunch of money into one day and getting the same results as the next couple who goes to a JOP and you are already stressing about it! You probably won’t enjoy it so much if are thinking about how much you are spending because you are being practical.  Whatever you do will always be special to you.  The day you become husband and wife will stay in your memory forever!  Good luck!!

Post # 14
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

To me, the guest list and the people who showed up–that was the MOST IMPORTANT part of the wedding. Because really, a wedding with no witnesses is not a wedding at all (legally or religiously, but also in my own mind).

You need to do whatever it takes to make sure the people you DO want there are there and the people that don’t matter aren’t invited.

I agree to that a semi-destination wedding is great. Find a venue so small that if people thought they could crash it, they wouldn’t fit.

Have a ceremony–even a tiny one. You know you want your mom there just as much as she wants to be there. There are some really great posts on WB about intimate weddings (5 to 25 people or so, depending on the poster).

Post # 15
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Honestly what you are describing is the experience I was having. Didn’t care about all the wedding stuff, just want to be married, family dramz. We are eloping now and I have to say I feel so relieved. I did feel slightly guilty but it’s about YOU not everyone else. Please yourself…not everyone else. Do what makes you and your future husband happy!

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