Post # 1
I need some advice on what to do about one of my best guy friends that’s in our wedding. (He is gay, btw, not that it makes a difference, but I mention it point it out because he is really one of the girls so i think it’s a little different than just having like my brother in our wedding party, who is obviously just part of the groosmen). I know I’m pretty much OK with whatever I decide – i.e., I don’t think there’s a "right" or "wrong" way to handle these issues, but I’m having a tough time deciding and thought I’d ask your advice!
So, my friend is in our wedding party because he has been one of "my girls" for as long as I can remember. It was never a question to ask him to be in the wedding or to invite him to the bachelorette party or shower even. It’s just a given cuz it’s him. My questions are: He wants to be involved in throwing the shower, which is awesome and he is actually the only one of my "BM’s" who lives in my hometown and has offered to help my Maid/Matron of Honor with this. Is it weird to put his name on the invite as a host, though? Will people be confused? If it’s only him and my Maid/Matron of Honor hosting it, I can’t exactly say hosted by bridesmaids. Or even wedding party cuz the other 7 girls aren’t doing anything or probably even coming. So his name and my sisters??
Second, question with where he stands in the church. I know it’s tradition to have him on the grooms side but I kind of want him on my side. I don’t really care what people think and if he is comfortable with it, then so am I. But do you guys think it will look lopsided or weird in the pics? The girls will all be in long black dresses and he will be in a black tux matching the rest of the groomsmen.
If he does stand with us girls, what do I call him exactly in the program? Is he an usher, groomsman, or a bridesman?
And for gifts, he will not like what the groomsmen are getting at ALL, but he is still not a girl, and won’t like the girls gifts either. I was thinking a Tiffany’s gift card because he loves Tiffany’s… is that not personal enough though? I thought about an item FROM tiffany’s but he has so much from there, I’m not sure what he has and he would never dare tell me he already had something..or didn’t like it..
Any thoughts on all this? Anyone have a similar situation?
Post # 3
These days, you can truly do whatever you want! The main thing is that both he and your groom are comfortable with his title and responsibilities. 🙂
Some of the issues you mentioned kinda sound similar to the issues around having a Best Woman or a Man of Honor:
Post # 4
My sister had her gay Boyfriend or Best Friend stand on her side (even though my brother stood with the GMs, my Brother-In-Law wanted it that way). He wore a tux, but I think maybe a different vest than the GMs, can’t recall. It did not look weird or lopsided at all in my opinion, especially b/c your girls are already in black.
You can refer to him as an attendant in the program. You might just list the Bridal Party with "Bride’s Attendants" and "Groom’s Attendants" rather than bridesmaids or groomsmen. dunno if that would bother anyone else.
Can’t help too much with gifts b/c I don’t know him. I think something more personal than a gift card would be nice (does tiffany’s even have these?), though. He obviously means a lot to you so it would be nice to find a token to honor that. If you personalize something small (keychain, money clip) then it would still be meaningful no matter what.
Post # 5
1) By all means, if he helps to throw the shower, he should be listed as a host. Period. Who cares what they think? If people get confused, you can simply explain it to them. I think it’s so cute he wants to help throw you a shower.
2) We had two attendants each – two males on his side and one male and female on my side. My GBF stood on my side in photos, during the ceremony, and was listed as a "Bridesman" in my program. Even though our wedding party was three males and one female, I personally don’t think it looked weird at all. When i look back on my wedding party photos, I don’t see the gender imbalance in attendants, I am simply just happy he has been in my life for so long and that he was able to stand up with me on my wedding day. Also, we dressed him identically to the groomsmen.
3) I don’t think a Tiffany gift certificate is too impersonal – if you can’t find an item that you are sure he doesn’t have and you know he would, the sentiment is still there with a gift card. If he loves tiffany as much as you say he does, he’ll be happy either way.
Post # 6
If it was me, I would have my Bridesman standing on my side in his tux next to the girls in their long black dresses. (I think that would look fantastic!) Then again, my uncle remarried when his daughter was 14 or so and she stood up as his best man in a tux and it was wonderful.
FI wants to add that he stood up for one of his good friends when she got married. It wasn’t anything fancy so he wore a dress shirt and slacks while the girls were in knee length green dresses.
Post # 7
My best friend is a guy and so I ended up making him my man of honor. I’d ask your sister and your bridesman what they would feel most comfortable with on the invitation. With your other BMs and the shower, are they contributing even though they cannot be there?
With regard to the ceremony, if you want him on your side, fantastic! Especially because they all are in black, it should blend nicely.
As far as the gift, you know him best, so if the groomsmen gift doesn’t work, switch it up. If you want to get him something from Tiffany’s but don’t want to ask directly, get a copy of the catalogue and happen to have it out one day while he is there and casually ask what he likes. If you don’t mind the gift not being a surprise, you can always take him to lunch and a day of shopping with a stop at Tiffany’s if there is one in your area.
Post # 8
I’m having a bridesman (my brother) and my Fiance will be having two groomsmaids (his sisters). He’s there to support you onr your day, he should stand on your side! (And why not ask him what he’d like his title to be?)
As for shower invites – they should be worded however the hosts decide to word them! If your friends & family don’t know him and the fact that he’s one of your girls, maybe they can mention something to that effect on the invites to prevent confusion (and so the guests don’t show up with husbands in tow).
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 9
Do what you want! Your side doesn’t have to be all female and neither does his.
Post # 10
I was in a wedding where the bride had a "Man of Honor", who was her best guy friend. I think this happens more often now, and you can do whatever you want in terms of including him.
I think it’s totally acceptable for him to be one of your shower co-hosts and for him to stand on your side during the ceremony.
Post # 11
Thanks so much for all the great advice and suggestions! You guys are the best! I think I will definitely have him on my side and the more I thought about it, he should probably even get ready with us girls too. He has much more fun with the girls than he would with my Fi’s friends!! And all my girlfriends know and love him so it should be more than fine.
As for the gift, I might try to get him something small and then the giftcard.. I liked a lot of the suggestions- I wish I could take him shopping there but he is in Cleveland and I’m in Boston and I don’t know when we’d be able to go together! I think that a giftcard will allow him to pick something out and put that money toward what he picks.. he has expensive (Underline expensive!) taste and I couldn’t afford something he REALLY wants from there, but $100 gift card or something should help contribute!!
NixLapi, great call on the ladies not bringing their men!! I didn’t even think of that, I just thought they’d be confused (not the young ones but the older ladies at least). So maybe I’ll have my sister make sure to say hosted by wedding party members L and M. Or something like that.
Thanks again guys!!!
Post # 12
If he is just "one of the girls" treat him as such. I think everyone would be more comfortable this way! I think it’s great!
Post # 13
I’m having one of my best guy friends stand on my side, and we’re calling him my “bridesdude” or “bridesman”. Do what makes you happy! And I’m sure he’ll throw you a rocking shower!
Post # 14
I think he should be listed on the invite for shower as a host. I like “Man of Honor” as a title.
As for a gift, I think the gift card (in this situation) would be fine because its still personal since its a place HE loves.