NEED ADVICE: Asked for a gift from bride when not invited!!

posted 7 months ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 31
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee

No, you absolutely do not need to give a gift if you are not invited to her shower or wedding.  If your office wants to get together and put in a small amount each for a gift card/gift maybe (and this should be optional, not obligated), that would be a nice gesture to wish her well. And of course, not everyone will want to contribute because they may not be close to her.  But I think her expecting a gift from everyone she works with without inviting them to the wedding is not appropriate.

Post # 32
Member
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Krizzle :  Are you asking if there’s some etiquette that YOU should observe here? If so, no, there is no etiquette for this situation because this should never happen. If you’re asking whether SHE breached some etiquette, that answer is yes, if she is giving the notices, that would most certainly go against etiquette. Which is really just a fancy word that means treating people right. Asking people for gifts, especially for an event that they weren’t invited to, is not treating people right.

Post # 33
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

It would be different if you were invited to the wedding and declined because it was a destination wedding, but she’s out of line here. You’re definitely not in the wrong by ignoring her gift request. 

Post # 34
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

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Krizzle :  Very tacky!!!  No you don’t owe them a gift.  That is such a sleazy way of getting wedding gifts.  A family friend pulled that and we thought it was out of place.  We were invited to a pre wedding party w/no invite to the actual wedding.  

Post # 39
Member
4785 posts
Honey bee

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Krizzle :  That’s a big ol’ pass then.  She’d get a card (empty save for a handwritten note) and if she’s lucky, I might spring for her latte on the next coffee run.  Maybe.  But only if it’s a coffee shop with rewards and I already had enough points for a free drink.

Post # 40
Member
393 posts
Helper bee

Oh heck no.

Even if she intended it to be a wedding announcement, she should not have included any sort of registration information, beside the fact that announcements are sent out AFTER the wedding.

Post # 41
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It’s fairly bold but at my work we would usually have a whip round when someone gets married and get them something  without an invite to the wedding. Although it sounds like that’s not the culture at your place! 

Post # 42
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
Krizzle :  Wow thats bold. There is no way I would be participating in that…

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