Need advice: aunt modifying guest list without our knowledge

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You are nicer than I am. I would have just said no and kept it no.

Post # 3
Member
9898 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

He should have been invited from the start. So there’s wrong on both sides, I would move on and let it go.

Post # 4
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

There is really nothing to do now.  You’ve okayed his attendance.  I would have said no and left it at that. 

Post # 5
Member
743 posts
Busy bee

My first reaction was that your aunt was full of it, but I got to thinking about it and remembered some family drama I experienced for a long while about a relative claiming they were sending us emails that we were not getting. Turned out they were sending them to the wrong email. I suppose it is possible that your aunt never got to the email, though I doubt it would have been through a fault of yours, maybe she checked the wrong mailbox, who knows.

I’d just send your aunt a email and/or text letting her know what the final plans are and that you aren’t going to discuss the matter any further and leave it at that. Might be a good idea to let your cousin and her boyfriend know what’s what with the plans. By the sound of what your aunt is like, I don’t think I’d take what she said as accurate info, they might not either.

Hopefully she’s not going to try and mess with the guest list any more, but I’d be careful.

Post # 6
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Wait, your cousin is 30 years old and is in a common law partnership for the past 3 years, and she couldn’t ask you herself?  Anyway, I think it needs to be water under the bridge now- you ok’d his attendance, so just let it be. 

Not that it matters at this point, but I would’ve reached out directly to my cousin in this case and talked to her about it.  Actually, you might still want to do that to confirm that he is actually coming.  My aunt did a very similar thing to me at my wedding- she RSVP’d for an extra person (her son’s new gf) but when I reached out to my cousin just to confirm, it turned out he had no intention of bringing his girlfriend because he knows how to read and respond to a wedding invitation.

Also, I don’t suggest you actually do this at your wedding, but the passive aggressive side of me wants you to go up to your cousin and aunt at the same time to tell your cousin how excited you are about her common law partnership, lol. 

Post # 7
Member
7448 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I thought it took 7 years to become common-law?

Post # 8
Member
9454 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Horseradish :  I think the duration varies by state? Definitely by country.  Either way I do assume aunt isnt terribly likely to be using that term correctly.  

OP it’s done now.  As for her annoying attempts at making you feel bad id respond “you got what you wanted. Quit while you’re ahead.” Or something like that to point out what a sore winner she is being.

Post # 9
Member
6714 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

There’s wrong on both sides here. You’re inviting someone you barely know and certainly don’t know the relationship status they have, so you assumed they don’t get a “date” or plus one or a dually addressed invitation. Your aunt was wrong to invite someone to an event she isn’t hosting. I can’t applaud either side here.

Post # 10
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee

Nothing more to do, you’ve accepted he’s attending. It’s over, just get back to your usual planning now.

Post # 11
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Personally if I had a partner that wasn’t invited to a wedding I would feel awkward about attending without that person. I think when you’re making guest lists if you can’t afford/don’t know the person well enough to include a +1 then they probably shouldn’t be invited to begin with. That being said, your Aunt could have handled the situation with a lot more maturity. I aggree with PPs who say there was wrong on both sides. Call it even and let it go.

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