(Closed) need advice badly please help.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@HisNightOwl2014:  If she asks, you politely say, “No.” The end. If she presses you say, “Sorry, but no.” Do not engage in a debate about it, a discussion, nothing. Smile and say no. Do not discuss anything about your grandmother’s dress in her presence or in the presence of those that might later bring it up to her.

Post # 4
Member
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@HisNightOwl2014:  I think it is a little stingy. Yes they both got one diamond but you got your grandmothers wedding band and even though it was stolen from you that really isn;t their fault and they shouldn’t be penalised for it.

I think that you should shre the dress with other family members- they were her grandkids as well. Sorry but to me it sounds awfully selfish.

 

Post # 7
Member
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@HisNightOwl2014:  Your relationship with your grandma was important to you but you have to remember that their relationship with their grandma was important to them. It may have been different but that doesn’t lessen it any. You had a certain relationship with your grandma and they had a relationship with her- how can anyone judge who had a better/closer relationship?  You don’t know if they shared things that she didn’t share with you. You never know.

I am not saying you have to hand the whole dress over but I definately think they deserve some of it and not just the scrappy bits you don’t want. Honestly if my cousin did this to me or my sister it would probably cause a family rift.

Post # 8
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@HisNightOwl2014:  You can do what you want, but the sentiment behind why you won’t give her a piece is stingy. You said, “I want to be the one to honor her.” You don’t have proprietary rights over honoring a grandparent. That’s a little mean spirited, in my opinion. 

Post # 9
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You have the dress. If you don’t want her to have it, then she can’t have it, short of stealing it from you. End of story.

I learned a long time ago to put my foot down and hold my ground with family.

Post # 10
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

First, she hasn’t even asked, so you’re jumping the gun by stressing yourself over it already.  It might never cross her mind to ask.

Second, the fact that you don’t want her to have even a small piece of it because you said it might steal your thunder… that’s pretty selfish.  You should be happy to have others in the family that want to honor someone you regard so highly.  Remember that if you refuse this, then you can’t complain later if you have family members that treat you the same way and refuse you things based on selfish reasons.  You get what you give.  

@j_jaye:  @StuporDuck:  +1 to both of these comments.  Couldn’t have said it better!

Post # 11
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

Just tell her no

Post # 12
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I so understand that you felt close to your grandma and I think your idea is really sweet. It won’t take any of that away by sharing a piece of her dress with them. Your relationship with her was special to you. Their relationship while not the same, is important to them. I loved my grandma dearly and only saw her every so often. So please be careful if that comes up because that could hurt them. I don’t think your being selfish just that you haven’t realized that the real way to honor your grandma would be to honor her family. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think it would take away anything from your wedding or your relationship with your grandmother if you shared with your cousins. It’s not really your place to judge their relationship with her… just be secure in knowing how close you and your grandmother were and let them be. Ultimately it’s in your possession so I guess it’s totally up to you, but I don’t see the harm in sharing a tiny piece of that dress.

What can it hurt for more people to honor your grandmother that you loved?

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

What do you think your grandmother would want you to do?

Post # 16
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You say you care because you were close to your grandmother, but you also say you wouldn’t care if her wedding was after yours.  I think you should give her a piece of the dress if she asks.

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