- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
This is kind of long and I appareciate any and all advice on this….
My Fiance and I have been in a long distance relationship 3 1/2 years (4 years in Feb). We have known eachother since we were 11 and have been close friends the whole time, with a little more space during the college years. He moved back to our hometown in the northeeast after grad school just as I was moving to a new city (in the south) for a job. We realized that we wanted to be together anyways and started a long distance relationship. After I got laid off after being in the new city for about a year I decided I wanted to go to grad school and that took me a little further south. We agreed that since the program was only two years that we would stay long distance and then be together once I graduated. We got enaged the summer between my first and second year of grad school and planned an Oct ’12 wedding. Fast forward to the part where in the last semester of my masters I find out that I got into my dream PhD program taking me across the country to Arizona. We talked through it together and agreed that I could not turn this opportunity down and that he would join me out there. We ended up postpoing the wedding because there was no way to afford it on our own with me moving cross country. This is where the problem begins-he cannot find a job in any sort of related field anywhere in the state of Arizona. His current job is good, as it pays all the bills, but not great as in he will never ever find anything as good. The problem is it is so specialized and very limited regionally (most jobs are in CA or NY). I feel like we are in a place we cannot win. He can’t move here without a job, I can’t take long distance any more but I do want to spend the rest of my life with him and can’t imagine being with anyone else. Even knowing and feeling that, we fight about it all the time (though generally it’s my fault because I am so frustrated). Every other aspect of our relationship is great. I worry about starting a family (I am 29 and he is 31). I just really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break off the engagement but I can’t imagine just waiting for him to find a job here. We postponed the wedding until we are in the same place (my stipulation). I just feel like a mess all of the time…